


Running Dark

by Auska



Series: Souldance [1]
Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Action & Romance, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Canon Rewrite, Content Warnings In Chapter End Notes, Cyberpunk, Cyberpunk 2077 Spoilers, Eventually Post-Canon, F/F, Post-Canon Fix-It, Stays Close To Canon Where Possible But Strays As Needed, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:48:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 45,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28803834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Auska/pseuds/Auska
Summary: There was a chance, yeah, but she was just going through the motions. Somewhere along the way, she'd given up. There was nothing left for her, just borrowed time away from a shallow grave in a landfill.Then she found something to fight for.•The tarot were drawn, the spread laid on the table, the arcana one by one revealed. The diviner read from them a compelling story, a self-fulfilling prophecy that would play out just as the cards had foretold.Bittersweet, all the easier to swallow.•We start from Pyramid Song… and then we’ve got a canon to burn.V, Judy, and those who share their space. A city built to crush the soul. What happens when you actually fight back?We run the edge of the possible. A retelling where I can remain close. A departure where I need to stray. A new ending that becomes a new beginning, because when you start turning those cards…Jack in.
Relationships: Judy Alvarez/Female V
Series: Souldance [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2111826
Comments: 46
Kudos: 247





	1. The Bends

**Author's Note:**

> This game was a window into a world of neon shadows for me to run.
> 
> This one scene gave me a reason.
> 
> Pyramid Song is the beginning of the story. V and Judy are its heart, enveloped by the lives intersecting theirs. Night City is as it is when you look really close. When you start asking why.
> 
> Turning the cards of those small whys will reveal a different destiny, if you’ll allow me to read for you.
> 
> I try to stay true and respectful to the characters and the world we’ve been given. I try to stay close to canon where I can. We will end up in a place that looks very different… but hopefully feels right.
> 
> This story is the first arc of three following one another.
> 
> Content warnings will be in the end notes for each chapter, where needed. This is a story set in a violent world, and deals with difficult themes — as well as themes of a far more pleasant kind that may need warnings — but I do not write to glorify, and try to avoid anything gratuitous. Please let me know if you have any concerns, or I have missed something.
> 
> I will try to ensure it's not essential to have played the game to enjoy this story, that it works standalone. There’s also a lot that I am intentionally leaving open or to be built on or uncovered as we go, so chances are if there’s something you don’t immediately get, neither do those who have played :) I hope the payoff is worth it later. Please do let me know (DM, review) if there’s something that seems critical that you have questions about, I’m more than happy to try to answer! That said, I do think it's fair to say you'll get more out of it if you have played — references, context, and of course some familiarity with the characters. There’s always plot summaries to read and playthroughs to watch, if you’re interested but can’t take on the game.
> 
> There will be spoilers, and I won’t try to mark them beyond some general notes.
> 
> As always, I love hearing your thoughts and talking about anything and everything related to the story or our beloved characters.
> 
> You can reach me via comments or DMs, or at https://twitter.com/LadyOfTheWorlds
> 
> — Auska

The air that rushed to fill her lungs was warm, and fetid with the heavy, oily residue that had risen from the reservoir under the haze-blotted glare of the sun, and only begun seeping back into the ground harried by the crawling shadows as night fell.

But she could breathe again. The leaden, resigned foreboding that had lodged in her chest when she’d seen Judy suddenly grow cold and distant at her cheerful insistence to handle the generator dissolved into a vague sense of unease as she stood for a moment on the porch that had seen far better days. She’d clearly done something wrong, but out here, with lightning bugs blinking in the perpetual twilight of the city’s neon halo reaching for the unseen stars, it again felt like something she could fix.

 _I can turn it on! I promise to take it slow!_ Fuck — she couldn’t have sounded more overeager or condescending, could she? But it was okay. She could fix it. She’d just go turn on the generator, and go back. Make up for it. Right?

The fading adrenaline made her muscles shiver as it slowly released its grip, the unwinding coils of its strength leaving her cold and worn. Leaving room for other sensations. The prickly sand on worn wood that changed into the unpleasant embrace of soggy ground, the light breeze she’d never feel in the city. The darkness that wasn’t truly dark, not like in the badlands, but far deeper than home.

Beyond the visceral present reintroducing itself, the awe she’d felt down beneath the waves as the abandoned, drowned town opened around them in the depths began to resurface as well. The wordless gratitude that had begun building when she had understood what Judy was showing her.

“What an amazing dive,” she said to herself, though she knew the link would’ve carried the words for Judy to hear too. The link that still remained silent.

The dread crept back like skittering insects climbing the back of her skull.

Whispers swirled up around her, just beyond her hearing like the wind through the swaying reeds, just beyond her reach like the bugs zapping somewhere in the corner of her eye only to have become darkness when she looked. Maybe she _should_ have taken it easy and let Judy handle this… but she was out here now. Whatever charm the rustic surroundings had held for a spell was gone, and she hurried up to the generator and flipped the breaker after a quick check that the wiring was still good.

The generator whirred into life with crackles that should’ve worried her, and the lights inside the cottage haltingly flashed into a bright sodium glow in the hazy twilight darkness. But stronger than the assault of light were the tendrils of dread crawling down her spine, along her skin, growing sharper. Tighter. Colder.

_Speaking of harm’s way. Know what I see lookin’ at you? Walking, talking corpses._

V’s head snapped up, and she scanned her twilit surroundings looking for the source because she could not have mistaken Judy’s voice though the link’s visual showed no transmission.

"Judy?" she called out into the darkness, and into the aether of the still-silent connection.

_You go that route, the City will always win. So be careful._

V knew something was wrong. An awful resignation, _knowing_ that something was wrong, was going to go wrong, and that she _couldn’t_ fix it. She couldn’t—

_'Course I will be._

She hadn’t recognized the voice. She wasn’t even sure she’d _heard_ it earlier, but when Evelyn spoke those words again, she knew the echo of a memory dancing just on the edge of her senses in the cottage had been the woman Judy had fought so hard for, and lost. The woman V had failed, a victim of the same cruel play.

“…Evelyn?” she asked the shadows.

{Shit.}

Judy’s voice, through the link now. Then, not merely the absence of link’s near-silent static she felt severed even before the call disconnect notification flashed in her eyes… the absence of something she hadn’t realized she was still carrying with her. The barely perceptible emotion and memory that was not hers, and was. The absence of Judy.

They’d still been synced. _Fuck_.

“Judy?”

Louder into the twilight silence, a plea to carry through thin walls before her feet could carry her back. “Judy?”

Clasping the doorframe to slow herself before her speed would’ve sent her crashing into the wall, V padded back into the kitchen now flooded with light. Two lonely cups sat on the counter in the empty room.

She would’ve seen Judy if she’d run out, right? Slowly, she turned around and walked back into the foyer. On one side, a dimmer light revealed the shapes that made up a bedroom. Empty, only Judy’s bag left on the floor betraying that it had seen any life at all.

A cold dread settled in the pit of her stomach when she turned her gaze to the only space left to check. Her _own_ dread, now, not borrowed. Not unlike those last few numb steps into another bathroom that seemed a lifetime ago.

The door was closed, but she knew Judy was in there. Sync or no, she felt her presence. Close, just beyond reach.

“Jude?” she asked softly, leaning close against the door as her fingers barely tapped the cold metal.

There was no answer. But the silence changed.

“Something the matter?” she asked, trying to keep the growing concern out of her voice for fear that it had only made things worse earlier.

“No. Nothing,” came the reply, but the words were all weird. Cold, businesslike. A tone she’d never heard from Judy before. The relief of hearing her voice washed over her only to withdraw again into the dread sea.

“Can I come in?” _Please_.

The silence stretched out into seconds before Judy spoke again. “Ok.”

Maybe she should’ve waited, taken it slower, given Judy the time and the privacy she’d sought. She couldn’t. Not when she knew that what she’d felt had been barely an echo. She slid the door aside, and anything outside the small room ceased to matter.

Her heart was no stranger to pain, but never had it broken into pieces so sharp, so _bare_. Glass shards of hurt untempered by anger, unburied by self-pity, undulled by chemicals.

Judy looked so small. So _alone_.

Blue fluorescence hummed with electricity, enveloping her as it did the woman sitting on the edge of the tub, arms and legs closed tightly against herself as though even hugging herself was too much.

Judy did not move, did not lift her gaze when V sat next to her.

“You were thinking about Evelyn?” V asked, her quiet voice hiding the control needed just to utter the word through the choking tightness in her throat.

She waited in silence filled by nothing but the sharp, buzzing hum of the ancient light and the ghosts of the ghosts of memories she’d not understood before. Waited until she could no longer bear Judy alone holding all that inside her.

“Do you still not trust me?” she asked, unable to stop the crestfallen words from spilling out at the thought that she _didn’t_ deserve that trust, and cursing herself for what could only drive Judy deeper into her shell.

But Judy spoke, then. Detached. Mechanical. “Clouds has gone to shit. Claw no-necks took revenge for Hiromi and the rest. There was a firefight. Tom is dead. Roxanne barely made it out alive. House is closed until further notice.”

Fuck. Oh _fuck._ V knew she should’ve stayed to make sure they had it under control. Called in whatever favors she could have with Wakako. With anyone. Bile burned her throat thinking about the things that had seemed more important at the time—

“Rather not talk or think about it,” Judy said, still staring down at the floor.

But there was something in her voice that felt more alive, more human, more like the woman V knew. The detachment had dissolved into a quiet sadness, and it whet with crystalline screech the shattered shards of her heart.

“Why didn’t you say anything before?” she asked, as softly as the aching tightness in her throat allowed.

“What good would that have done? You would’ve just thought I was blamin’ you. I blame myself already. That’s enough.”

V knew the blame _was_ hers, she’s the one who should have known better… but that could wait as she tried to think of something to say, some way to take away the pain, seeking words that could ever be adequate to express how much it said about Judy that she had _tried_ to do something good in this forsaken place.

Tried, until Judy finally looked up at her, and the despair barely held back in those deep brown eyes stripped away anything that still remained beyond instinct.

“I wanted this to be our day. Just ours.”

Judy was closer, or the world more distant. It didn’t matter.

It wasn’t despair. It was _hope_. A desperate, broken hope.

“I—I wanted…” Judy whispered.

V reached out, so carefully, so afraid of being wrong, of letting Judy down once more if she’d misunderstood that hope. Her words were barely louder than the brush of her inquiring fingers against Judy’s cheek. “It’s ours.”

Alone in the stupid little shelter she’d fled to, Judy’d feared that she’d fucked it up again, every possible way she coulda.

It had been… good. More’n the distraction it was meant to be, though she _had_ forgotten ’bout everything else, for a little while. Been nice to be with just V. Just the two of them. She’d worried about the dive despite puttin’ on the casual act for V — and realizin’ V could feel a bit of all those memories it stirred up in her to be back down had scared her for a bit. But… that’d been good, too. Real good. Good to go back down there. Good that it was V with her. Good that it was V seein’ into her. Sharin’ that. It’d felt _right_.

Till the seizure, or whatever the glitch was that had happened to V. If she’d not seen the first time, back at her pad, she mighta lost it even with all her trainin’. Cause it’d been V. They’d been safe enough coming up, but she’d still been really freaking out the few seconds it took V to come back to.

After that, even though V’d seemed fine, Judy couldn’t shake the awful sinkin’ feelin’ that seemed so fucking familiar. Seein’ somebody she cared for headin’ straight for disaster, and it had all come crashing back. Last time she’d felt this way. Couldn’t stop thinking ’bout Evelyn, replaying and rewindin’ and replaying those talks back in her head, feelin’ now like she’d always known it would end the way it did.

She’d tried to put her mind to taking care of V, but V wouldn’t let her. Like Ev wouldn’t. It was hardly the same kinda situation, just coffee an’ gettin’ warm, but she just couldn’t shake the feeling, the… premonition, the useless worry did nothin’. The heartbreak. All that shit kept coming back and she couldn’t take it. Not now.

She’d been beggin’ to be left alone, to let herself forget for a little while, just be _here_ , but all she could think of was what she could’ve done different… and then she’d heard _V_ calling out to Evelyn, out there in the dark, and realized she’d never cut the scroll. That they’d still been synced, whole time. In a stupid panic, she’d torn everythin’ down. Scroll, sync, even the call.

And lost the only thing that’d kept those memories from crushing her.

She sat on the cold edge of the tub, and feared she’d fucked everything up.

Feared that despite all that havin’ tried to convince herself this was gonna be just one night free from all the other junk, and maybe a friend she could still rely on after, she’d wanted somethin’ that she’d not even dared to think. Somethin’ that she understood she’d not _allowed_ herself to truly hope for, not till only now when she felt it slipping through her fingers like everythin’ always did. A flame she’d tried to wall off to never feel, so that losin’ its warmth would not undo her. A flame she’d not seen consume everything behind that wall.

Feared that she’d misunderstood V, and that there never had been anything there now that she finally saw it, saw how despite it all she’d worked so hard for this without even knowin’ why. That all those times she’d never quite been able to read V, never _quite_ reach her, she’d been right. That despite the way V always seemed to be there for her without question, despite the flirting she couldn’ta mistaken, V had never been _truly_ there. Always distant, always a breath away. That even the things she thought she’d felt through the sync had been merely her own doing. That she _shoulda_ trusted the fears kept her away till now.

Or, worse, that there had been something there but she’d given too little, laced it all with nonchalance, bravado, her other girls. Made it all worse lyin’ about the Clouds like she didn’t trust V, made it look like she only wanted her for sex, nothin’ more than a distraction.

Given too _much_. All the things she’d never shared with others.

Let V see how fuckin’ broken she was.

“I wanted this to be our day. Just ours,” she said, makin’ herself look up, look at V, certain that it’d all turned to shit just like everything else, and just put it out there to get it over with… until she saw V looking back at her.

The way she was looking back at her.

Still here. Still by her side. And, all at once, she felt _everything_. Everything she’d tried so hard not to let herself feel.

“I—I wanted…” she said, unable to speak her hope even when she felt the little bit of skin that remained in the hand full of chrome brushing her cheek, V’s touch so wrenchingly, agonizingly tender.

V felt the uncertainty, at first, in how Judy sought her touch before giving herself to it, head tilting to follow the caress as shared disbelief faded, Judy’s fingers joining hers in chasing away their fears.

The uncertainty that slowly gave way to a smile.

A smile so small, so furtive, so vulnerable.

A smile that alone made it all worth it. Everything she’d been through, everything she’d lost. Everything she’d have to suffer for it. All the pain, all the fear, this city and all its filth, all its neverending tragedy.

A smile she could never imagine not knowing again.

A smile that filled her with the horror of knowing that she, too, would have left Judy. Of only now understanding that somewhere along the road she’d given up and accepted what was coming for her.

The emotions she’d buried deep underneath all the shit she was in filled her all at once, a flood so far beyond what one heart could hold. She had lusted, before, and cared deeply for many. Loved, even, in some way that could never compare to what she felt now, all-engulfing depth, all-consuming ferocity.

She had never had a reason to live.

Judy’s hand found hers. She had no words, and Judy needed none.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: suicidal ideation (passive), mourning, major character death (past)


	2. Glass

The water looked tempting, glitterin’ in the early morning sun still bright before the smog would once again blow in from the city. Judy knew better than to let her toes skim the surface as she idly swung her legs off the edge of the pier to give herself somethin’ to do while she waited. The sharp, delicate smell of her coffee — the good stuff she’d brought with her, real beans ’n all — beckoned to her through the slowly simmering smell of the lake beneath her. She treated herself to another sip, closely weighin’ the cup to make sure she wasn’t gonna run out yet.

The bittersweet complexity of the brew done a lil’ different than she usually took it — _tough on the outside, sweet on the inside_ — made her smile for a second before the nerves returned. Been so many dyin’ smiles this morning.

Her third, still unlit cig cartwheeled between her fingers, back and forth.

Felt like a lifetime, the few hours it’d been since she’d watched V fall asleep. Since she’d brushed aside tangled hair and whispered into those dreams the words she now wished she’d been brave enough to say out loud, no matter she was sure she’d felt them in every kiss, every touch, every breath in those hours they’d spent making up for the time they’d lost.

No… not a lifetime. ’Cause she didn’t feel like she was forward, now, not like she’d felt in V’s arms. She was back with all the shit she’d almost let get the best of her and cost her everything earlier.

Felt like a _rewind_.

Hadn’t dreamt it, at least, like she’d been convinced a second or two when she’d woken up to the sun crawlin’ up into her eyes — V’s soft breathing against her neck had been proof enough that this wasn’t one of those times over the last coupla weeks she’d woken to dreams of her.

She’d sat up, and watched. Watched until she could barely breathe. When, again, she felt _everything_ all at once, felt so much that it terrified her even if she wouldn’t have changed it for the world.

And yet, despite the peacefully, contently sleeping woman next to her, despite all that had happened yesterday, despite the way V had looked at her burned into her memory forever, despite the love they’d made through the night, in the light of dawn she felt fear coilin’ up around her. The fear of _still_ having imagined it, still having gotten something wrong. It ate at her until she couldn’t bear it anymore. She had to get out. Clear her head.

She’d managed to clean herself up a bit, and fixed the coffee they never got around to. Two cups in hand she’d wandered out to the pier, to her spot. Wasn’t sure how long she’d sat there. Long enough that the stupid fears had turned into a conviction that she had to ask. That she had to _hear_ it. Not even just ’cause of the whispering doubts she tried her best to ignore but couldn’t, but ’cause it felt like it’d be taken from her if she didn’t ask. If she didn’t make it real.

It was a strange kinda calm that came over her.

The sway of the boards under her stirred her just before she saw V from the corner of her eye. “Will you sit with me a while?” she asked, not trustin’ herself to look up at V. Her reflection stared back from the gently rippling waters as the woman closed the distance and sat down beside her.

“Morning, Jude."

It sounded hesitant. Judy felt her shoulders tighten, but she pushed the other cup over. "Here's your coffee. Finally.”

She lit the cigarette she’d been playing with, and took a long drag.

"So… yesterday. What was that, exactly?”, she asked, trying to focus on the blue-gray wisps of smoke instead of all that she felt.

”Don't remember, or want me to remind you?” V asked, trying to keep her tone light, despite the distance that had crept back in Judy’s voice. She knew it was the stupidest possible thing she could’ve said right then even as she said it, playing for time.

Judy had been gone when she’d woken up, alone but for the scent that lingered in the bed that had already grown cold. Must’ve just gotten up early, she told herself, but only stopped to pick her panties off the floor and pull them on before throwing on the closest shirt she saw as she rushed out of the bedroom.

She did not even notice that she’d woken _truly_ alone for the first time in weeks.

She could feel the emptiness that filled the house. She did not stop to look into the other rooms before walking straight out into the blinding sunlight, and felt a wave relief wash over her when she saw Judy sat down at the end of the pier.

But every step that brought her closer to the cause of the impossibly warm lightness inside her cut into her like obsidian as she saw hints of the same tension, the same coldness she’d seen last night, before… before, somehow, they had let themselves find one another. Or she thought they had. It had felt real. More than real. It had felt like waking from a nightmare. It—it could not have been like that, not like _that_ , if Judy did not feel the same. It _couldn’t_.

But V knew hope was the cruelest trick the city played on people. And right now, despite the memories, she couldn’t help but fear she’d fallen for it.

“You know exactly what I'm tryna say. What did it mean? Like, to you?"

V sat in silence, not taken aback by the sharp edge in Judy’s voice because she knew then — she _knew_ — that the coldness, the tightness, even the hunched withdrawal was there only to protect what little it could. To shelter. There was so much fear there, holding Judy back, and V thought she knew why all too well. Judy still took chances with those nobody else would, still tried to do the right thing, still tried to help her strays despite how many times she must’ve been burned… but if what the woman felt was anything like what V felt for her, this, here, might have been too much, too deep into the wasteland of failed hopes and crushed dreams. Too far to go alone.

She _knew_ , but she could not quite let herself believe.

It felt so unfair to dump this on Judy. Even though V was almost sure, almost, it wasn’t _fair_ to ask it of her.

It would be too much.

V stared out across the lake, and in every second of silence she let it drag on she could feel beside her that now awfully familiar cold anxiety tearing at the only thing that made life worth living.

It was not fair, but if there was one thing that Judy deserved, it was honesty. Someone worth her trust. No matter the consequences to whatever hopes V had, she could not hide the truth. Not about this. Judy deserved better than that, and if V could ever hope to deserve her, there was only one thing she could do.

"You know the thing in my head? Brain-eating ghost guy, kind of a dick?” V finally asked, turning back to look at Judy, hoping to find some strength that would let her say out loud what she had not even truly admitted to herself until now. After all the fight she’d had in her at the start. “I… I think I was gonna let him have it.”

Judy’s nod, hesitant, spared her from saying more. She wasn’t sure she could’ve.

“But now I wanna fight it. Got a reason. I want to stay. With you.”

She saw Judy’s shoulders sag. _Fuck. Please, no, please… It was too much. I knew it was too much._

“Unless you feel differently. I didn’t mean— It’s not on you. I’m not gonna—” she stammered, trying to find some way to explain that she did not, could not, had no right to expect anything, that she wouldn’t do anything stupid no matter how Judy felt, that—

It was Judy’s hand on hers this time, Judy’s fingers on her cheek, gently urging her to look up. To see the smile, joy softened by sorrow. And then a little playfulness. “I know what you’re tryna say.”

“Can be such a gonk sometimes,” Judy said with a disbelieving shake of her head at the fears she’d been fightin’ off with everything she had just moments ago being snuffed with barely a complete sentence… and at the realization that she wasn’t the only one convinced everything was shit all the time. Not the only one in need of reassurance. Not the only one afraid.

Not the only one who felt this way.

She leaned in, fingers tilting V’s chin up to let her lips brush against hers. In the depths of V’s eyes, behind the artifice, she saw _her_. “I love you.”

She felt the smile in the kiss, the whispered love against her lips. She lingered for as long as she dared before _everything_ almost became too much again.

“Ruined my plans, you know that?” she asked, unable and very much unwilling to stop smiling even as she drew away to look at the columns of lights starting to fill up the highways across the lake slowly warmin’ up now, to try and ground herself. To let her heart adjust to all it had to hold.

”Was gonna leave Night City in the dust, for good. After… everything that happened. Even started packin'. But I couldn't stop thinkin' about you,” she continued, not waiting for any more of a response than the fingers gently tightening around hers. Another drag of the smoke she’d forgotten about, languid, luxurious.

“And… like, maybe I saw it, you know? That you’d be gone too. That I was gonna lose you, too, one way or another. Tryna to be a legend. Reckless. Righting all wrongs, savin’ all of us. Always there. For me. Even for Ev. Everybody. But not really _there_ , y’know? Somewhere I couldn’t reach.”

She paused, squeezing the hand in hers tight as she looked at V and shook her head at the apology she saw the woman wanting to make. She got it, kinda, much as it hurt to think about. The acceptance. The distance it’d created.

“Didn't want to just go though. Couldn't. I dunno even what this was supposed to be,” Judy continued, nodding back toward the dive platform, the cottage. The day she’d spent hours planning out. “Told myself just wanted to give you somethin’ good before I went. Me too. One night away from all this shit.”

The corners of her lips curled up into a small grin. “Turns out I played myself.”

V couldn’t help but smile back, but a very different feeling tugged at the corners of her lips, an ache that had grown listening to Judy tell her just how clearly she had seen the fate that V had chosen even when she hadn’t seen it herself. The fate that _still_ awaited her.

“You know it still doesn't look good for me, right?” she asked quietly.

She had not truly made peace with dying, just… buried it, and the mending shards of her heart, the razor obsidian that no other brought out, tore that wound wide open at the thought of losing Judy. Of _leaving_ Judy. Of Judy having to bear any more pain in this world. Pain that she would be the cause of, far worse than if she’d just walked away.

“I don’t care. Long as I get to fight with you ’till the end, comes to that,” Judy said without even having to think about it, stunned by how simple and true it felt. She knew she couldn’t begin to imagine what losing V would do to her. But this was the one thing in this world that was worth it. Even for a day. Even for this one moment.

”If anybody can beat this thing, think it’s you. But even if you can’t,” she said, and pulled V back into her arms to kiss away her tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: terminal illness (potentially), suicidal ideation (passive)


	3. Don’t Let Go (And We’ll Be Okay)

The short stubble of the close-shaven sides tickled under the tips of Judy’s fingers as she gently stroked the head she cradled, shushing away the murmurs of apologies spilling warm against her chest. Hot tears and soft sobs had slowly turned into quiet trembles and fitful sniffs, until nothing remained but the simplest of needs, to be held.

The sun slowly climbed up toward the dirty haze of day.

Judy held her dying lover quietly. Sleepless nights would come, and the fears, but here, now, she found she could keep those at bay. For V. Because of V. She wished there was something more she could do, but even that thought was distant. She felt…  _ right_. Nothing in the entire world was right, except for this one simple act far older than words. This little devotion.

Minutes stretched on, uncounted. The gentle insistence of her arms quieted a time or two the reluctant stirs of V thinking she  _ should _ try to pull away, until Judy was finally certain she was ready and let her embrace soften.

V sat up slowly, shoving tangled magenta strands of hair back as she uselessly wiped at her face to try to clean the blackened, teary mess of make-up on blotchy heated skin. She resembled little the unshakable, invincible, brash merc the entire City was starting to know. Judy had never seen anyone as beautiful as she was, then.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, Jude,” V said, her voice hoarse but stronger now. She took a deep, halting breath soothed by Judy’s fingers lightly combing through her hair.  _ She _ should’ve been the one there for Judy, and here she was, an inconsolable wreck. “Didn’t mean to make it about me.”

“Don’t. It  _ is _ about you now. Been taking care of everybody else in the world,” Judy said with a sharp shake of her head, and a small smile that quirked into mischief. “Till you’ve beaten this. Then it’s all ’bout me.” 

This time V’s smile did not die, even if the chuckle was not strong enough to leave her chest. “Deal.”

No. Not inconsolable.

She gave up on trying to clean up the hot mess she knew she was, and dipped back in to capture Judy’s lips once more… and only with the greatest of effort broke the heating kiss before she could no longer have stopped herself pushing Judy down onto the the boards. She rested her forehead against Judy’s, trying to slow her shallowed breath. “Thank you— M-mh,” she said, and tutted away the dismissal she felt coming before pausing to make sure Judy protested no further. “ _Thank you._ ”

As much as Judy felt like she hadn’t been able to do much to help, the gentle admonishment and the eyes that so effortlessly captured hers did, for a moment, shove aside her own perception and let her see how much it meant to V. And there was little in the world that felt better. No virtu, not the purest of reproductions she’d ever created, could come close to the perfection of imperfection when two people overcame the inadequacy of words, and for a moment touched across the chasm that separated all.

The warmth sinking into her core threatened to spill over, and she could see she wasn’t the only one. She sought out V’s lips, and kissed her softly, lingering for as long as she dared before pushing herself back.

“You gotta delta soon?” she asked, clinging to the dregs of her coffee like a drowning woman trying to stay afloat.

V sighed heavily, slowly working to recompose herself. “Yeah,” she said, before giving up on her tangled, damp hair and just letting it fall over her face. “If it was  _ anything _ else, I’d fade it, but…”

“’S okay,” Judy said. V had been vague about the details when she’d mentioned she’d have to be back in town early, except that it had something to do with Arasaka. And that meant it had something to do with curing her.

And as much as she wanted nothing more than to drag V back into bed — if they made it that far, which she seriously doubted, stale water and dirt and bugs and all — if she was honest with herself, she could probably use some time to just… process everything that had happened. “I think I’ll stay here for a while.”

V nodded. She hadn’t expected Judy to ask if it was okay with her, and in some undefinable way it delighted her that she hadn’t.

“Give me your hand,” Judy said, interrupting V’s absently-smiling reverie.

V quirked a brow curiously, but did as she was told and held her hand out for Judy to take. One hand cupped the back of hers, and the other met her palm with the familiar little haptic nudge of a touchlink. She approved the data upload request without a second thought, her efforts at trying to follow the input streaming through her ’wall and auto-ICE very effectively thwarted by Judy’s smile. 

“All set. Congrats, just gave you unlimited access to my pad,” Judy said when the connection terminated, though she did not let go of V’s hand, curling instead her fingers around it.

V didn’t know what to say at first, not only because this concrete gesture was maybe finally starting to make real what she still couldn’t quite let herself believe she’d found, but because of the trust Judy was showing her. Trust that had been used and abused countless times, betrayed wittingly and not. “Thank you. I know ain’t exactly a small thing, this,” she said, eventually, squeezing Judy’s hand in turn, and trying to return in her smile all the warmth, all the… happiness she saw. “I—Are you asking me to move in with you?”

The question maybe shouldn’t have taken Judy by surprise, but it did… until she realized that V wasn’t asking because she didn’t want to, but because she wanted to make sure she understood what  _ Judy _ wanted.

“Guess… yeah. I’d like that. Practice at least, y’know? See if we get sick of each other,” she said, managing a small smile after the little falter earlier. “If it’s what you want.”

She paused, trying to work up the nerve to say what she wanted to say. She’d always been shit at this kinda stuff, and still couldn’t believe she’d been able to tell V how she fe—  _ that she loved her_, earlier. Though, given how she felt right now with V looking back at her makin’ her feel all kinds of safe she’d never felt before,  _ lots _ of ways she’d never felt before… maybe telling her she loved her  _ was _ bein’ coy. “It’s not just I wanna see you lots. I do. But ain’t what it’s about. Wanted to see other girls lots, too.”

The right words refused to come to her, but she knew she had to try explain _ somehow_. Her jaw was so tight. “Fuck, V. I don’t wanna  _ not _ see you. Ever. I get if you need space, times. I do too. But…”

V didn’t let the words trail far off into any kind of uncertainty, not when she saw how much it was taking to say them. She sought out the eyes that had wandered from hers, another squeeze of the hand in hers trying to reassure, to call back to her. “I’d love to practice, Jude,” she said, unsure whether the small joke was for Judy’s benefit, or hers, because every tiny fraction of the smile she saw returning edged her closer to completely losing control of herself and sinking into the fathomless ocean of emotion stretching endless around her. Or exploding from the impossible lightness within her. She had no fucking idea what she was spiraling into, just that she felt real close to finding out.

She broke away from the kiss she barely remembered not existing, into shaky, shared breath even as she tried to refocus her mind. She ran her thumb along Judy’s ear, and drew back once more when she found something that shone into her mind a sliver of clarity. “Listen… I was thinking maybe it’d be a good idea for you to stay away from your place for a couple days. Just to be safe. I know you can take care of yourself, but this is too big. The Claws are serious,” she said, relieved to see the small nod that she hoped also meant Judy knew she wasn’t trying to damsel the amazingly capable woman, “I’m pretty sure I’d know if they were after you or anybody else, but I wanna be  _ sure_. Yeah?”

Judy nodded again, silently, letting V take her time getting to the question she already saw coming.

“Here’s okay if you wanna stay, I think. Nobody’s gonna find you here. Or… my place isn’t great, but it’s closer, and it’s safer than staying at yours. Lizzie’s isn’t far, and it’s not as easy for Claw to do anything in Little China, at least without Moxes hearing about it. Van’s close by. Plus there’s a few ’Tinos in the block, too. That be okay, for a couple days?” 

It’s not that Judy hadn’t realized she needed to be careful after what had gone down at Clouds, but seeing how concerned V was maybe drove it home a bit more — and even if the risk was small, something she was far less sure about now, worryin’ about her for the sake of her pride was the last thing V needed.

Judy hated the idea that she needed to be protected from something she couldn’t handle on her own… but it was V protectin’ her. She was okay with that. More than okay. Made her fucking  _ gooey _ inside, as conflicted and confused as she was about it. The smile she couldn’t hold back felt weird on her face after being told somebody might be out there tryin’ to zero her.

“Yeah.”

“Oh good,” V said, not bothering to hide her relief — or how much she liked the idea of coming home to Judy. Or the other way ’round. “Pix might be happy, too.”

“Picks?” Judy asked, puzzled.

“You’ll see,” V said with a grin. A thought occurred to her, and made her chuckle as she let her gaze wander their surroundings for a moment before returning to Judy. “You know, talking about homes, it’s kind of apropos I feel more at home here than I remember feeling… I don’t know, in a really long time. Even though I don’t think it’s got much to do with the place,” she added, the mischief in her smile softening a bit.

“Why’s that?”

“You’ll see. Gimme  _ your _ hand,” V said, and closed her palm over Judy’s to send over the authorization to her place in turn before leaning back to wait for it.

“‘Registered Occupant: Vale, Guinevere Nimuë’,” Judy read out loud, and laughed. “I gotta admit I wasn’t expectin’  _ that_. You’re just… V.”

“Been just V since I was big enough to beat up anyone trying to call me Gwinny or Vera,” V said, looking down at the boards with a faraway smile. It felt stupidly good to share even just this little tidbit with Judy.

“Nimuë was my birth mother’s favorite name. About the only thing I know about her. Like, about  _ her_, you know? Dad thought Guinevere would go well with the theme, and be easier, somehow. Don’t ask me why. I mean Morgan was  _ right there_,” she said, plaintively pointing her hands at the imaginary decision, and drawing another laughter out of Judy.

There was so much she wanted to know, Judy realized. And… maybe there would be time for it all. But not now, not as much as she wanted to ask. “You’re right. Fits, kinda,” she said, smiling as she looked over the lake, “But speakin’ of  _ here_, weren’t you supposed to be  _elsewhere_ soon?”

“Yeah,” V groaned. “Shower work?”

“Got about two mins of clean water, but yeah,” Judy said, happily accepting the kiss promising much more that V planted on her before finally getting up and heading for the cottage. “Keep the shirt, looks preem on you! Or maybe it’s just the lack of pants, definitely keep that,” she called after the her, enjoying the answering grin, and the sight while it lasted.

It didn’t seem to have taken much longer than the two minutes before returning steps, louder than bare feet this time, brought her back from the daze she’d been staring at the lake in. Not quite certain which thread of thought or feeling to pull on, eventually she’d settled on just letting it all flow over her.

Feeling better after quickly — if reluctantly — washing off the last day, touching up her face, and taming the long locks of her hair into the usual magenta wave crashing over one of the sides kept closely shaven to accommodate her head rig, V strode back over to where Judy was still sitting, knowing she couldn’t afford to let herself linger.

“I’m not sure how late I’ll be, but… I’ll see you tonight?”

“Mhm. Take care of yourself, yeah?” Judy asked, maybe letting a little more concern into her voice than she’d meant to. She’d seen V work first hand, the utter havoc wreaked with nothing but a ’deck, the unreal meatspace speed, and she still wasn’t quite sure she understood just how good V was at… whatever it was you’d call what she was. But even if there was nobody better out there, there were a shitton of worse, and at some point odds always went to the house.

“I will,” V said, her voice as serious as her nod, eyes fixed on Judy’s until she was certain that the woman knew she was not making the promise lightly.

And only then did she pull a face, mock sudden realization, wide eyes and all. “…Oh shit. Does this mean I need to start driving more carefully?”

Judy burst out laughing at the memory of the sheer handhold-grasping terror of the first ten minutes riding with V. She’d been convinced that the woman wasn’t  _ trying _ to get them killed, eventually, but no amount of skill made those speeds feel remotely safe. There’d been  _ words_, after. And permanently switched places. “Yeah, deal’s definitely off if you go’n get yourself killed in a traffic accident.”

V grinned. The readier she was to go, the harder it seemed… but she tried to hold on to the idea that the only way she was going to ensure she’d be coming back to the laughter she couldn’t get enough of, to Judy, was to go now. She leaned down for one last kiss, her hair spilling onto Judy’s in a static embrace, their space becoming one for just a moment longer. “Thank you. For everything.”

Judy slowly opened her eyes, missing the kiss even when she still felt its warmth on her smile. “Go on, ya gonk, or you’ll never get outta here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: terminal illness (potentially)
> 
> —
> 
> This is very much not the last we see of Judy, even if right now we have to go take care of biz.


	4. Running Dark

"Shadows are for weefles. I am the night.”

_ — Anonymous; unencrypted bytes in the Militech NC root ICE cluster controller _


	5. The Other Broken Half A Shadow

“’Bout fucking time you got some fire in your belly.”

V was good, despite Judy’s misgivings, but a jolted twitch of the wheel at well over a hundred miles an hour was more than the shitty sport suspension could handle. The dip was slow motion jelly as she felt the rear buck and the grip go, and time seemed to stretch on to impossibility. It was like she was watching her body slowly — way too slowly — executing the series of commands she was sending to it until grip returned, and the car jumped forward slamming her back into the body forced against the seat by the acceleration.

“Jesus _ christ_, Johnny! The _ fuck_?”

She slowed the car down to a more manageable speed, and cut off the adrenaline raging through her, but not before it’d filled her with live-wire electricity that she knew she’d have to suffer for a while that she didn’t have the time for. She felt the microdose ’pam start settling her down even as she turned to stare at the apparition her mind had constructed to deal with the second personality in her head casually resting his boot against the dash, elbow propped on the door.

“You trying to get us killed?” she screamed at him, still out loud just because it felt fucking good to do so.

“Sounded like _ you’ve _been doing a preem job of that. Here I am, willing to lay my fucking life down for you, and you aren’t even fucking trying. Fuck you, V,” he spat back.

“Fuck _ you_, Johnny. And where the hell have you even been?” V asked, reverting back to talking to him directly, as satisfying as it had been to yell.

It dawned on her that though she’d even mentioned him to Judy earlier, he’d not been around the whole time at the lake except for the background sensation of thoughts and memories, like knowing you were forgetting a dream. That never went away.

“Tryin’ to give you some privacy is where the hell I’ve been. You’re welcome.”

V managed to unclench her jaw and loosen her grip on the steering wheel enough to take a good, solid breath.

The highway flowed past the windows and the city loomed ever taller ahead, nothing but the roar of wind and tires filling the silence for a moment.

“Thanks. I appreciate it. I mean it,” she said, eventually. She knew it wasn’t really private — the memories were there for him, same as her. She’d had to get over the fact that nothing was private anymore really quick, anyway.

But maybe the thought counted for something. And she _ had _been able to forget him for a little while.

She didn’t notice her small smile.

He grunted, but seemed to be mollified as he leaned back into the seat and pulled down his shades to look at her. “Fucking dangerous. That kind of attachment.”

“You’re one to talk, Mr. Let’s Nuke Shit.”

“And how did that work out? ’Sides, wasn’t the same.”

V was about to ask what he meant, but he went straight on. “But if that’s what gets you serious, I’ll take it. Better’n just fucking _ quitting_. Deal with the fallout later. Just keep me out of it. I don’t know how you can handle feelin’ that shit.”

“Yeah, _ that_,” he added when his remark punched straight through the adrenaline and her raging mind and dragged back thoughts of Judy.

Apparently done, he pushed the aviators back up, and sat back.

“Picked well, though. Don’t mind her.”

_ Or not. _

V realized she had no idea how Judy would react to him, for real. She had to imagine it had been kinda abstract to her up to now. Before she got too far down the very unsettling path of thinking how Judy would react if the personalities did start to bleed into each other — which, for now, she thought  _ hadn’t _ been happening — he interrupted her.

“So, what’s the plan? We need to get to Alt.”

“The plan is I’m meeting Takemura tonight.”

“The fuckin ’Saka? I’m telling you, we’re not getting _ shit _from Arasaka. Don’t care if the old motherfucker is dead, it’s a _ corp_. It’s a soulless fucking meat grinder. Best case they lock you up till the biochip’s done, and you won’t be around for the dissection.”

“You heard what Hellman said.”

“He doesn’t know shit. He’s playing with tech he’s got no clue about. _ You _heard him.”

V wanted to argue, but grudgingly she had to admit he had a point about Hellman. Despite the man’s expertise, there was clearly something going on with the chip he not only didn’t understand, but hadn’t had the faintest idea he’d need to understand.

“Well, we can’t get to Alt right now. I’m working on that. We _ can _get to Arasaka,” she said evenly, deciding to shift the goalposts instead. “Who knows what they will and won’t do? The old man is dead, that’s gotta change something. I’m not gonna leave this card unturned, Johnny. If it goes sideways, we bail.”

“Yeah. No biggie. Just tell them you changed your mind, that’ll work.”

“I’m gonna be careful.”

Johnny stared forward silently.

V slowed down a bit when she realized they were almost at the 6 and loop interchange. She’d missed the rush hour, but traffic still looked bad.

Rather than reignite the argument, since he seemed to have resigned himself to the plan for the time being, V got on the eastward loop ramp, and set her mind back to what she had to get done.

Wakako was the most important call she needed to make, and it took just about everything she had to put that aside for what she hoped was a short priority. The meeting with Goro was more time-sensitive, and while her initial plan had been to just deal with the Clouds situation first, in the few minutes before Johnny had nearly scared them off the road she’d gotten the creeping feeling that going into the meeting without backup might not be a great idea even if she had come to more or less trust the old man. He wasn’t the only player in the game, and he sure as hell didn’t know how to operate in Night City.

While she dialed, she wondered what else she’d half-assed when she hadn’t really, truly cared how it turned out in the end.

{Hey. So?} Van asked even before the holo had finished rendering.

{So… what?} V asked, puzzled.

{So did you get your heads out your asses? Don’t need to know about the into each other’s part, but…} Van asked with a smirk.

{Fuck you, Van,} she said, only able to fight the grin for a few seconds before cracking. She didn’t bother asking how he’d known. Nobody knew her better. And she was pretty sure half the city would turn out to have had a pool going, too. {Yeah. It was good.}

Van’s initial laughter turned into a smile, and then a quirk of curiosity she knew so well when she continued even more softly than she realized she’d already spoken. {It was really good.}

{That’s… good,} he said, clearly surprised by her tone. {Good. Hey, yeah. Maybe we sit down for some coffee later? Talk?}

V just nodded. {’Bout that, actually. I need you and the gun tonight. Gonna meet up with Takemura, need a six.}

{I thought we were good on him,} Van said, surprised. {What’s going on?}

{We are, we are,} V said, waving it off. {Just the _ sitch _might be more complex than I thought.}

{Okay, sure. Not a bad idea. I got a bag job for the Valentinos, though. Time-sensitive,} he added, anticipating her.

{Van…}

{Yeah, I know. It’s through Padre, and I’m not making a habit of it, but we do owe some favors. And we aren’t exactly swimming in eddies, sis. Gun’s not gonna do you much good without ammo, you know?}

V grimaced. Even if she _ had _only been going through the motions, those were some fucking expensive motions. And the cred they’d been building alongside meant biz was getting serious. And that meant serious investments. Served them well — her, especially — but in the end they were burning through eddies all the same. {I know. Fuck. How long? We still need to case.}

Van’s holo shrugged. {Dunno, early evening? Be a lot faster if we had The Witch…}

{Yeah, still hate it, thanks,} V said with an irritated smirk. Van’s grin didn’t help. {Can’t you get BB to help? I’ve got other shit to deal with today too.}

{Nah, she’s working on something else with me already. Besides, I need mobile, not a ghost. Nobody does it like you, V.}

V ignored his flattery, and tried to do some math. Everything but Goro and Wakako _ could _wait. Maybe. So if they were in and out quick, it should leave enough time to get prepped. {Send me the detes. We go check it out, and if it looks like anything other than a milk run, it’s off. _ Any _static. We figure out some way to square it. How heavy we going?}

{Alright, fair enough. Milk run, for real. Not expecting anything, wear your PJs if you want,} Van said, though his confidence in the ease of the gig didn’t seem quite as unshakable now. {You remember the café on Kelley, the one with the cakes? Can you meet me there in an hour?}

{Yeah. About. I think I’ll go change out of my PJs,} she said with a smirk. The basic kit in her duffel might not be enough, but it shouldn’t take her too long to swing by the base to pick up her gear on her way down to Wellsprings.

{Hey… uh, you heard anything from mom or dad?} she asked, not entirely sure why the small mention earlier had left her thinking about the situation again, and regretting it even as she did.

Van was quiet for a while. {No. Just the soshbeebs, same as you. Seem to be doing fine. Why?}

{No reason. Listen, I gotta multicore if we’re doing this. Few calls. I’ll be down.}

{Nova.}

V hung up, and flicked the car over a lane to hit the Kabuki exit. It took her a couple blocks to work up the nerve to make the first of those calls.

She’d sugarcoated it a bit for Judy.

The only reason she entertained the thought that the Claws might be holding back, for some reason, was that they’d not gone after Judy at the same time they took back Clouds. Or after V herself, for that matter. You didn’t give the mark time to prep.

And that was her razor-thin hope that they’d get out of this without things getting out of hand.

She tried to loosen her grip on the wheel, and resisted the urge to drop another dose to take the edge off the wired anxiety. She needed the clarity now, and she’d need it for the job later.

{Ah, V! What an unexpected pleasure.}

V raised a brow at the greeting, the gesture repeated by the holo of her Wakako was talking to. The old woman, in turn, favored V with her dry smile. For a moment.

{…I expected a call a few days ago. Or perhaps even  _ before _ you went and did something very stupid.}

_ Ah. _

{Yeah. I know. I fu— I made a mistake,} V said, trying not to sound obsequious about it. She  _ had _ fucked up by not talking to Wakako, first, and there was no excuse for it. She needed Wakako to know she knew how bad she’d messed up. {I thought it would be better if I didn’t involve you in any way. I was wrong.}

{Indeed.}

The silence stretched on, the woman looking coolly at V, and V trying to furiously think what the exact transgression was that she’d made. Wakako’s sons hadn’t been directly involved, V had made sure of that, and she hadn’t known the woman to react in any way to  _ just _ going against the Claws. She’d been all over the Claws for weeks. Fuck, Wakako herself had given V a couple jobs that certainly weren’t in the Claws’ interest. But she clearly wasn’t happy with V, either, impassive as she looked.

Then, a hunch.

{…I shouldn’t be calling you right now.}

Wakako nodded, waiting for her to continue.

{I didn’t plan the aftercare.}

{No, you did not.}

{I should’ve known they were not going to go for it, no matter what they’d agree to on the spot.}

The woman nodded again, and her features softened ever so slightly. {You should not have gone without consulting. And you certainly should not have gone without a proper plan. I am disappointed in you, V.}

The reprimand actually made her feel ashamed. An actual, honest-to-God talking-to after being let down that made her want to sink into the seat.

{It’s unprofessional, V. How am I to trust you if this is how you work? I expected much better from you.}

{There was… a personal thing,} she said, hating how weak her voice sounded. {I let it cloud my judgment. It’s no excuse. I’m not going to let it happen again.}

And she sure as fuck wasn’t. It’s why you didn’t take personal jobs if you could avoid it. She’d put Judy at risk. She’d gotten Tom killed. There was a lot of personal shit coming down her way, and she’d have to make damn sure—

Wakako gave a little hum on the other end. Wasn’t approval, far from it, but… maybe a signal that she’d at least take V’s belated clarity of vision under consideration. {Yes. In any case, you are fine.}

{You checked?} V asked, a little surprised to hear that the woman had gone to even those lengths, given V’s failure.

{Of course,} Wakako said, but did not elaborate further. Instead, she paused briefly to adjust her hem before looking up again. {They will consider it a matter of the mercenary rule. I am certain it did not hurt the decision that the mercenary in question was the daywalker herself.}

{…The what now?}

{Please educate yourself, child,} Wakako said with what seemed almost like a pitying look before her features once again grew impassive. {But consider the issue closed.}

Still trying to catch up, V stared at the older woman in silence for a moment even as she pulled into the garage. She stopped the car still halfway on the sidewalk, and let go of the wheel. {Thank you, Wakako,} she said simply, resisting the urge to lace it with honorifics or any other stupid shit.

Wakako nodded to accept the thanks after waiting just long enough to show it was a matter she had to consider. {But?}

{What about, you know, the… client? The Mox?}

{I will speak to my boys.}

_Fuck_. {I appreciate it, but do you—}

Wakako’s gaze shut her up, but the woman let her wait for a very, very long time between heartbeats before finally speaking. {I do not believe much will come of it. It is an unimportant site with many problems, and being able to take it revealed incompetence to be removed.  _ I _ think it would be foolish to risk a war with The Mox over this matter. But I will inquire, for you.}

V wasn’t sure if she was being relayed the Claws’ opinion on the matter, or Wakako’s own. Or if those were actually different things. She wasn’t sure if she should be feeling the relief she felt, either. She had to remind herself that this issue was still far from being considered closed, no matter how much she  _ wanted _ to think that Judy was in the clear.

She wouldn’t fuck up the aftercare on this a second time.

{Thank you.}

{Do not thank me, V. You can repay me with a favor.}

…And there was the bad feeling. All over her, tightening her shoulders and jaw. She couldn’t try to play the woman, not with what was on the other scale. {I’m not gonna do that job. Not because  _ I _ fucked up.}

{You made that clear, yes.}

V furrowed her brow, once again surprised. This would’ve been the perfect time to at least nudge V to do the hit. And if there was some other job, it seemed that Wakako had not entirely lost her faith in her, either. {The job’s still open,} she said, uselessly stating the obvious.

{Yes. But… I think applying such pressure might sour our working relationship.}

The woman’s expression was inscrutable. Feeling suddenly very unsure of her footing, V tried to focus on parking the car. {Ok. So what  _ do _ you want me to do?}

{A dear friend is missing. We have worked together for a long time, through which he hasn’t let me down once,} the woman said, pointedly, {and it is unlike him to be unreachable. I need you to find him.}

V ground her teeth as she got out of the car and headed for the elevator. On one hand, the fact that Wakako was asking her to do a  _ personal _ job seemed further evidence that she was still in the woman’s good graces. On the other, it sounded like a job that couldn’t wait, which was the last thing she needed.

She hit the elevator button.

{Send me the detes.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: dissociation, dissociative identity disorder (indirectly), drug use


	6. Deviant

A flick of an icon in the periphery of her layout signaled the light change a second ahead of time as V blazed down the bridge toward Republic, cursing when she saw the gridlock that would’ve waited her if she stuck to her original plan of going left and hugging the shore.

She dipped down closer against the battery housing, low enough still barely see over the bars, and gunned it with her lower center of gravity managing the acceleration that would hopefully get her straight across instead. A quick swing to the right just as the light turned red put her between the lanes with a couple finger widths clear between her and the van she had to hug apex to leave the arc wide enough that on the exit she wouldn’t crash into Thorton sitting between two wankmobiles on the right lane.

She’d misjudged their deceleration, but the margin was enough that a tiny backoff kept her clear of the Thorton with well over an inch to spare, and let her swing back out just in front of the frontmost car on the left lane. She cleared the intersection screaming past the rear of the oncoming turning car, and eased the bike out of its sinuous trajectory to slot between the lanes on Congress to shed speed. A quick glance ahead told her that the traffic bleeding out all around the Ringroad would be just about as bad as she’d expected, so instead of trying to alfa through, she shot off a message to Van, and hung a left to try and work her way toward Skyline through the Glen instead.

_ [ETA 10] _

She grimaced at the sensation of sweat trickling down her neck, counting minutes until she could get the helmet off. The heavy jacket she’d thrown over her suit to keep it at least a little less conspicuous would’ve been hot enough without the fucking bucket, but she  _ had _ kind of promised Judy.

Dragging the old netrunner back this side of fried had taken her well over an hour, two if you counted the detour she had to take. Probably the easiest fetch she’d ever done — the guy had basically been  _ home_, if indisposed — and she’d seriously started to fear that it might’ve been Wakako luring her into a trap. Seriously enough that she’d gone full wired the moment she was out of the basement, moving out of sight and scanning for anything that could possibly seem off. She’d only started to calm down when she’d re-emerged from the tiny back alley and gotten back on the street without incident… still deep in Tyger country. All time she really couldn’t afford.

It hadn’t helped with the sweating.

She hoped it’d been worth it. Wakako had been pleased by the quick retrieval, and almost obviously — you had to know what to look for — relieved that V had found the old man little worse for the wear. It was a rare enough crack in the façade that it’d finally managed to settle her paranoia. Couldn’t hurt her chances on the Clouds issue. And it was nice to know the old woman  _ wasn’t _ out to zero her.

She told the part of her that pointed out that now she  _ really _ trusted Wakako, didn’t she, to shut the fuck up.

Van obviously hadn’t been happy about the change, although she figured it was at least partially about the cakes rather than the lost prep time. Even so, it’d meant they might have to go in heavier  _ and _ she had to move quick, which meant the bike, which meant she had to wiggle into full kit after a mad rush up the Ten to her place, and then back down. 

Which also hadn’t helped with the fucking sweating.

She worked her way down through the smaller streets, weaving in and out of traffic to eventually blow past the congested Skyline, taking the short detour all the way down the shore to get around the Pacifica furball, and hooked back to Ford. Seeing the graffiti Van had marked out for her, she got off the gas, and let the bike coast before ducking into the small empty lot just off the street, where she rolled to a stop next to the Hella her brother was leaning back against. His trench didn’t do much to conceal the heavy body armor underneath.

She yanked off her helmet in a cloud of matted, clammy magenta, resisting the urge to just toss the fucking thing on the ground for the cockroaches. She wasn’t even entirely sure where she’d originally gotten it from, but it was the only one she had right now.

She hung it off the bars.

“You look like  _ shit_,” Van opined good-naturedly. She could hear the grin before she looked over at him, hopefully murderously. “Since when do you wear a helmet? And you know they’ve improved some, if you get one from this century?”

V smirked at him, and rounded the bike to give him a quick hug before popping the bike’s tiny storage compartment open to pull out the rest of her gear and stuff the jacket in there instead. And double-underlined the mental note she’d made earlier to hit a bike shop as soon as she could.

“What was so important that it was more important than your important thing?”

“Had to drag a grandpa off the Net. I’ll, uh… I’ll tell you about it later. Couldn’t wait. Sorry,” she added.

Van waved it off, evidently trusting she’d had a good reason. “Short notice all around. Glad you’re here,” he said before twisting back to tap a crinkly little bag next to a huge cup of coffee. “Got you some cake.”

“Thanks,” she said with a smile and hopped on the hood, pausing only to strap her iron on before tucking into the food. “Haven’t eaten all day.”

“I can see that.”

V brushed off the crumbs she’d spewed all over herself talking with a mouth full of cake. “Just the two of us?”

“One and a half too many already,” Van said, though his bravado was a little half-hearted, and she could tell he was keeping an eye on their surroundings — just as she was. “Elia and Luz are coming with the bag man. They were plan A, but won’t hurt to have them tag along for plan V, either.”

V raised her brow. Handoff this close?

Van shrugged at the silent question. “Time-sensitive, told you. Nothing for plan V? I thought that was pretty good.”

She’d made it over with enough time to spare that she’d wolfed down the cake, and just about gotten through her coffee when a warning flashed in her optics just before a pair of cars pulled into the lot. She scanned Elia and Luz quick enough that she had time to finish attaching her head rig to the suit, and clamp it on, complete with the distinctly unpleasant feeling of it plugging into her and the coolers spinning up to idle in response to her biomon data when the system mounted.

A shiver ran up her neck at the speed of blood.

She slid herself off the hood, the discomfort quickly forgotten when she saw their courier emerging from the back of Elia’s car while Luz strode over to the trunk of hers. “Nestor?” she asked, not quite trusting her eyes. A beard, a bit softer… but it was him.

Van barked a laugh and crossed halfway to greet the man with a bear hug. “This why Padre insisted on me doing the job? Can’t believe you’re back!”

“Neta, neta. Quick trip, though,” Nestor said with a smile when he let go, and turned to V to throw one arm around her shoulders to hug her too. “You I wasn’t expecting, manita, so happy to see you! God, wish Jackie was here, too.”

“Not a day goes by,” V said, squeezing him back a bit harder before letting him go. Their little crew had grown close the year they’d run together, but as dear a friend as Nestor was, Jackie’d become almost like another brother. Fuck, no almost about it, really. She and Van had grown up together, nobody could match knowing someone like that — but Jackie had been  _ chosen _ family, and that counted for a hell of a lot.

Or… at least until yesterday it had seemed like nobody could match it. Now, the way her thoughts escaping to Judy for just an instant made her feel, the way it soothed the sorrow to something bearable, she was starting to think she would turn out to have been wrong about that, too.

“Yeah, why are you here, V? Don’t get me wrong, I love having you,“ Elia said as he, in turn, walked over to give V a quick hug that brought her back into the moment, and that she gladly accepted.

The younger Valentino let go of V, and turned Van. “Was supposed to be a quick bag job, and I see you geared  _ and _ The Witch with you? What’s up, choom, we still go?” he asked as he clasped Van’s arm and bumped shoulders.

V didn’t miss the flash of glee directed at her on Van’s face.

“Still go. We just got something else with V later, and she in her infinite graciousness came over early to give us a hand.”

Nestor was laughing. “ _You’re _ La Bruja? Thought the new kids were just making shit up,” he said, and clapped her shoulder warmly. “Look at you, our lil’ corporat all grown up.”

“’S what running with Jackie and this asshole for two years gets you,” she said, punching Van’s shoulder in turn, albeit still somewhat warmly.

Van grinned at the other man. “Don’t listen to her, Nestor. She’s out of our league now. Last few months… whew.”

“She was always out of our league,” Nestor said, still smiling as he glanced over at V.

“You two making me real self-conscious over here. It ain’t magic,” V said, though she couldn’t deny there was a little pride in the embarrassment too.

“That’s exactly what a witch would say,” Elia said deadpan, followed by a second of silence before all three exploded into roarious laughter.

“You know what, fuck all of you,” V said, pointing between each of the guffawing trio before she, too, broke into a grin.

It took the guys jostling among themselves a moment to settle, and V had a second to greet Luz too, after the other woman dumped on the hood the very heavy-sounding duffel she’d toted over from the other car. 

“Alright, we’re getting tight on time. What we doing here?” Luz asked, bringing everybody’s focus back on the task at hand. “Guessing a little change in plans with V in.”

“I took a quick look earlier, looks to me like detes been right,” Van said when everybody turned to look at him. “It should be an easy job, just the data’s important, and it’s got an expiration. This is just the shipping company, they probably don’t even know what they’re carrying. So we hit now, klep it before they move it tomorrow. It’s mostly civvs, a few guards. Should be fifteen–twenty people max in there. Doubt they’ll make a fuss, unless the guards decide to try to look good.”

“So you’re why we’re on the clock, not the mark?” V asked, glancing over at Nestor.

He nodded. “Yeah, gotta be back across the Dub-Cee border in a couple hours so we can actually use it. But I’ll be back soon. Looks like things calmed down here — even if returning doesn’t always turn out so well?”

V didn’t hear any kind of accusation in his voice, just curiosity about what had  _ actually _ gone down. But that didn’t stop it stinging. “Yeah. Dex tried to move too quick. And I didn’t see it coming, either.”

Truth was Dex should’ve understood that he wasn’t fully back in the game yet. It had been too much, too quick. And she’d seen trouble a mile away, even if nobody could’ve predicted what ended up happening. It  _ was _ her fault.

“That’s the biz,” Nestor said when she didn’t seem likely to elaborate further, and gave her the universal shrug of mercs and bangers —  _ any day could be the last_.

Nearly universal, anyway. V had always been the cautious kind… save perhaps for the road. She glanced at Van, silently grateful that he seemed to have pulled back from that ledge too, whether it was her influence or not.

“That’s the biz,” she agreed. “Okay. Everybody’s got the schemes and the pathing loaded up, yeah? I saw all uploads succeed.”

Nods all around.

“Good. Once we’re on site and I have data, I’ll throw together a quick tactical layer for the schemes. Van,” she started, looking over at him, “since Luz and Elia are here, I stay back?”

Van nodded. “That’s what I’m thinking, if it’s good with the two of you? V ghosts. If it’s clear enough, we go in hard, V stays six. Straight path and out. If it looks snarly, we go slow and quiet. If it’s a total shitshow, V takes point. Exit plan stays original.”

“Sounds good,” Luz said. Elia didn’t bother to confirm, and instead waited for the woman to unpack the duffel.

Luz shot V a grin, anticipating her reminder. “I saw ya when we pulled in,” she said, and tapped the Pax slotted into the rifle she lifted out of the duffel and handed over to Elia before the rest of the iron and the clips came out.

“Thanks,” V said quietly.

“The Nues are live, just for backup. Everything else is nerf,” Luz reminded the other two as she strapped hers on, the nonlethal weapons close at hand, and the Nue out of the way. “All set? Comms check.”

Everybody acknowledged on the shared channel, and so did V after taking a look at Nestor. “I’d rather not leave you here alone, can’t trust you not to skin your knees running around or something,” she said out loud with a smirk, though the concern was real. This close, he wasn’t in the clear anyway. “You can stay with me.”

“Good, alright, camo on. V’s gonna blank us as we go, but let’s not rely on that,” Van said to a confirming nod from V. There weren’t many cameras around on the way to the target that’d pose a risk, but it wasn’t a priority so there was a chance she’d miss some kind of surveillance that could come bite them in the ass later.

The five of them pulled on their camo weaves, and filed into one of the narrow alleyways after Van. They ducked through a couple more, until Van stopped just short of where the last one opened to a larger street — and the shipping warehouse on the opposite side.

V tugged on Nestor’s jacket to get him to follow her up onto a fire escape next to a massive bundle of cabling. That was the backup, but the link would be a little slower because she’d have to hop through three separately controlled, ancient switches to get to the one she needed. She settled down on the rusted iron, and very gently probing confirmed she could get into the local network through optical wireless on the security cameras outside.

{We’re good,} she said over the channel, and threw an OK sign at the three just below her and Nestor. 

At her command, the coolers all over her suit and rig came to life along with the arterials and a cocktail of hormones and transmitters for regulating other pathways. The rig anticipated need just enough for her to feel the chill before her temps would really start need managing.

Van’s voice came through. {Alright, V. Do your—}

V dropped in. 

_ {thing.} _

It wasn’t magic. It never had been. She was just not bound by the Transform.

She was far from the only one, too, but usually those who shared the same fairly rare condition of not conforming to the neuro-consciousness model targeted by the IGT algorithms were unable to overcome the incomprehensible data overload that was the Net under the surface. That  _ created _ the surface that everyone else interacted with through the Transform. In some places, she’d heard, it was considered a disability. In good ol’ Night City… well, fuck you if you rolled snake eyes.

Most others like her just limited themselves to simplified interfaces, and went on with their lives. Some had never recovered from the first time they’d tried to connect deep.

_ {What} _

Even as a child, though, V had — just barely — managed to withstand it, carving out tiny spaces that let her block out enough of the irrelevant data avalanche to follow and replicate the manipulations of state the other kids were doing through the Transform, and muddle through the exercises. She’d thrown up every single time.

So, she’d not been marked for the programs that would lead to netrunner careers.

But she had, at least, been able to fake it enough to be merely considered decidedly below average.

_ {have} _

Over the years she’d slowly worked out ways — programs, though she did not quite understand them the same way — to manage the data flow enough that she could even more slowly begin understanding how it all worked, and why the Transformed state manipulations did what they did. And how to do what  _ she _ wanted to through them. She could never reach as wide or far as real netrunners. But she could go  _ deeper_.

Eventually she’d run into the limits of her body, just a little beyond what she needed to qualify for an operative. Beyond that, she’d nearly cooked her brain trying, the worst time leaving her in bed for several days to get over the mysterious ‘flash fever’ the docs couldn’t quite figure out.

With her modest proficiency, there was no way she could justify getting the kind of cyberware and tech she was starting to suspect she’d need to push past that. And besides, she wasn’t bad off with her job at Arasaka, with all her other skills. Why would she need to fuck around with the Net?

_ {we} _

Sometimes your world falling apart had a chrome lining.

{…got?} Van finished asking just when V re-emerged into a half-state between  _ here _ and  _ there_, fighting the disorientation between the slow realspace, and the trillions of operations per second creating the relentless data stream of cyberspace.

She rarely went deep for very long, especially mobile, preferring instead to ride along the array of scanning programs, probes, quickhacks, and daemons she sent out, make the changes she needed on the fly, and zap back on the return stream. Even a small dip let her offload processing and queue up predictive parallel work streams, putting her far beyond the speed of anyone but the most proficient of netrunners.

{I have the main system. The ice was good, but nothing that’d indicate this place is more than it looks like. I’ll lock out the two other systems, and mirrorloop the external. We got seven minutes from go, maybe a bit more. Cams and motion sensors will flip to me when you move, alarms and autodef down now. I count fourteen warm, zero cold. Six armed, all light. If I stay back here, outta static, I can take out eight or nine before you move in. Maybe more, depends on how they scatter, or if I can lock them outside pathing. Leaves half a dozen you might have to deal with, two armed. Tactical uploading now, I’ll keep streaming updates. Get to the door, give me fifteen seconds from unlock before you breach. I’ll follow in only if you need me. We go?}

“C’mon. You can’t tell me you’re not enjoying this a little bit,” Johnny remarked from his perch above her, casually sitting on the rust-flaked railing and leaning back against the filthy brick wall.

It wasn’t magic. But looking back at the faces of the other four, it might as well have been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: neurodivergence, ableism, major character death (past)
> 
> —
> 
> Hopefully some of you are here for more than some wonderful Judy time, but I promise we’ll get back to her, too.
> 
> Unrelatedly, would you be interested in a playlist for the story, or maybe Night City in general?
> 
> And finally, you can also reach me on Twitter, if you prefer: https://twitter.com/LadyOfTheWorlds (added to foreword too).


	7. Could This Be The Hard Way

The city was beautiful at night. Not just the view… or not _just_ the view. Without the cacophonic noise that never quieted, the smells sweet and foul, the gusts of exhaust and heat, it would’ve been a nice postcard. Untarnished. Fake. Dead.

{So…}

Static, soft and digital, filled the pause between her brother’s sudden, warm baritone words.

{It’s serious?}

V looked up from the neon-splattered ink that filled the bay languidly lapping at the concrete bank below her. She knew where he was, but from this distance even her optics needed some heavy trim to be able to pick him out — which is exactly why he was where he was. Venting heat all around him helped obscure him further, as did the comms blackout that left only an uninterceptible tightbeam connection between them. Not for the first time, she felt immensely lucky — and puzzled — that Militech had made the colossal mistake of discharging him.

{You need to be a lot more specific than that,} she said lightly.

The silent electric warble of a very simple ai trying to decide whether to pick up input went on for a short while.

{That’d be funnier if it was a little less true.}

The edge, quiet and even, cut her deep. Knowing that he did not mean it to was the acid coating the blade.

Van continued before she could say anything. Continued, though she could hear a hesitance so unlike him in his voice. The words being sought. {Seein’ as it’s unlikely we’ll have time to sit down for that coffee tonight. It was obvious you were into her. But hearing you, mornin’? And the job. You changed your mind. You would’ve _never_ ghosted that yesterday. Don’t get me wrong, this is exactly how we should’ve played it. But we wouldn’t have. So. It’s serious?}

The disconnect between his observation and the total lack of her own awareness was startling enough that she felt her shoulders tighten as though her body was belatedly trying to feign the alertness she’d lacked before. He was right. She wouldn’t have. She would’ve been right up there with him, like always.

Grateful as she was that he’d taken the pains to point out she hadn’t _compromised_ herself or the job, apparently the opposite, she was still taken aback… until the heart of his question engulfed that unease, as well.

She must’ve looked a fool smiling at the sea of neon.

{It’s… more. More than serious. Haven’t ever felt like this, Van. Didn’t think you could.}

Silence. {She on the same page with you?}

The cold, rending fear hadn’t _left_ her. It had prowled around her all day, looking for a way in. Looking for a weak moment. Whispering into the darkest corners it could find. But it hadn’t gotten through. On that little pier, for a little while, they’d been so raw, so exposed… so _open_ , for a heartbeat or two, that it felt like they’d truly shared something. And that something was the ward through which not even her fears could snarl their way in.

{I—I think so. Yes. We… talked.}

{Okay,} Van said, the concern that had tinged his question gone, melted away by relief that gave way to a warmth she could feel reaching for her through the ones and zeroes encoded into light. {I kinda wish I’d waited, now. ’Cause wanna hug the shit outta you. You deserve a good thing.

{…One caveat, of course.}

V smiled to herself, able to perfectly picture the warm smile turning arch. The way his eyes crinkled. {A caveat?}

{Yeah. I mean, I still gotta vet that _she_ deserves _you_. And I admit, she seemed nice enough at first… but to be honest, after what I have witnessed, and your testimony now, I think _she_ might be a witch.}

V burst out laughing, just about managing to hide it from anyone watching by curling herself tightly over the railing as though she was trying to see something below.

{Or a dragon.}

{S—stop it—}

{Maybe a djinn. Judy. Djinn. Pretty suspicious.}

V shushed him, the effort of keeping herself from visibly shaking with laughter verging on physically painful until she managed to catch a few wheezing breaths to settle herself.

{You’re such a fucking gonk,} she said when she finally trusted herself to talk again. She wasn’t sure if a good laugh was exactly what she’d needed right now, but it felt really good. As did the real concern she knew lay behind the joking, the same protective instinct she’d felt flare up so many times for him. {I’ll make sure to get you two—}

{Movement,} Van said sharply, cutting her off.

The clipped word sobered V right up. The muscles tight with the effort of containing her laughter tensed now to move, and the hands gripping the rusty railing switched position to quickly send her over the edge. She kept the juice on tap, still, the small flash of adrenaline in her belly enough for right now.

Van had a much better view of the area around her, that was the entire point, but she felt a cold tingle run down her spine realizing she hadn’t noticed anything herself.

Damage done, she did not want to lose what little edge she might have from seeming oblivious to anything happening around her, and first tried just switching the audio balance to enhance her physical hearing over the comms.

A shuffle, somewhere to the left and back. She tried to remember the layout of the little out of the way quay Takemura had chosen for the meeting place — and not for the first time cursed the complete security camera cover the bridge and the embankment afforded the spot. The old man was too good, outta water or no. Anything besides the sewer entrance or whatever it was, back there?

{Clear. It’s a wino,} Van said into her ear, quiet and tinny with her local boosted enough to pick up the trash being pushed around by wind.

{Sure?}

{Looks it. Nothing picking up. Check if you wanna, looks like they haven’t seen you.}

V gave it another few seconds, listening for any change in the trash-wading scuffs of shoe behind her. Whoever it was seemed to be moving unperturbed, if not very steadily.

{Zone’s clear. Nobody else.}

She glanced over her shoulder. It took only a few microseconds for the optics to pick up the dark shape moving against the shadows just out of the dim amber glow of sodium, and another couple hundred millisec to run the basic scans.

Nothing. No real weapons besides something in a threadbare pocket that might’ve been a knife or a club, or neither. Basic ’ware only, ancient and barely functional. Stumbling along, not making any effort at stealth. Which, put together, might be why they’d gotten this close without tripping her params. She let her head hang between her shoulders, and exhaled slowly, purposely blowing the air out between her lips to unwire herself.

{Looks harmless. ’Less they feel chatty,} she added jokingly. {Good eye.}

Van grunted an acknowledgement. She imagined she could hear him shifting slightly as he scanned the zone, but knew there was no need for it — quite the opposite. Over a klick away, the entire area around her translated to only mils at the frankly unsettlingly gaping muzzle of the AMR’s nearly two-meter barrel.

Van came through clearer a few seconds later, though she had left the local audio a little higher than it had been. {Got a couple minutes still. Bet he’s a punctual motherfucker, isn’t he?}

{In my experience,} V said. She paused, hesitating. The thought of sitting her brother down made her nauseous, but it the way it gnawed at her was getting too much. She’d already kept him in the dark too long. Lied to him, practically. He had to know _something_ was going on, but he hadn’t pushed her about it. Not once. {Listen… about the other seriousness. I owe you an explanation.}

{You don’t owe me shit, V. I got you, always. No matter what.}

{I know. But I _do_. That’s how this works. How it’s gotta work,} she said quietly. She knew he had her, knew it so deeply that it _ached_. {Soon. Promise.}

The line stayed quiet for a few seconds. {Okay.}

Well, that was the easy part done. She wasn’t quite sure how to round back to something less sensitive, and he said nothing more… so she flicked over to her messages just to give herself something to do, since even Johnny wasn’t around. It bothered her how much it bothered her when she knew he was staying away purposely, not out of some synaptic happenstance.

She’d been running around all day, with barely enough time to even get remotely enough fuel into herself to recoup all the energy she’d burned up earlier, so she had only let through the few priority-listed people — Judy, Van, and Wakako for the moment. It took her a couple scans to get her bearings in the deluge of messages.

More fixers than she cared to think about, except the only one except Wakako that mattered right now: nothing from Mr. Hands. Rogue she’d have to get back to later. Panam would’ve called if it was anything urgent, so it could wait — though V loved their little idle chats, too. If idle was ever the right word with Panam.

Misty asking about dinner next week. Nestor’s ‘WCS’ showed up in the preview and told her all she needed to know, he was home clear. BB’s looked like a file drop, which left two at the top of her list. River, and… Meredith, from a couple hours ago. She flicked into that one.

_[ stout: Same place, same room, midnight.]_

It might’ve been the lack of a question mark that brought a little heat to V’s cheeks.

Evidently whatever Militech business had taken the woman East for the last couple months was dealt with. And certainly hadn’t instilled any kind of subtlety.

_[→ Can’t, sorry. Seeing somebody.]_

_[ → Back in NC?]_

The quick replies sent, a little more awkwardly than she really thought she should’ve been feeling, V was just about to flip over to River’s when another message appeared.

_[ stout: Charge is per room. ]_

V was not sure if she was more abashed or impressed. Maybe impressed by how abashed the brazenness got her.

 _Judy would probably get a kick out of this._ She shot off another reply, resolving to switch off after.

_[ → Afraid you’re on your own tonight. ]_

…But she lingered. Her thoughts having wondered to Judy had done nothing to help with the heat. She did not, fortunately, have to wait long.

_[ stout: Your loss. Call you about a job tomorrow. ]_

_[ → K ]_

V doubted River or any of the others’ messages would have quite the same kind of an… impact, but given her current situation, maybe it wasn’t a good idea to risk the distraction.

She really did mean to close the message view until a better time, but something about Stout’s return, maybe, set off a small alarm somewhere in the back of her head, and it kept getting louder. She scrolled down until she found the last message from Sandra. Five days ago. And the woman had been pretty good about keeping in touch lately.

_[ → Hey, how are you doing? ]_

She waited for a moment, but there was no reply. She moved Sandra up into priority filtering, and closed the messages.

Her stomach growled, reminding her once again of its existence. And the amount of coffee and mealrep drinks she’d had on the go were probably going to start making her squirmy soon.

_[ sandra: I haven’t gotten any further. I’ll call you when I have more info. ]_

V frowned at the message — although at least hearing back, and quickly, was a good thing. She started composing a reply, but Van’s voice cut her off.

{Vehicle approaching.}

 _Fuck_. She knew she probably should’ve waited for a better time, but she did not like the… regression that this felt like. She shot off a quick reply before closing off the comms.

_[ → I know you will. How are YOU doing? ]_

{I see it. It’s Goro,} V confirmed after her scan latched onto the man behind the wheel of the approaching van.

{Copa? Zone’s clear.}

{Copa. Gonna DC now.}

“Last chance to delta, V. Get the fuck outta here before this deal goes sideways up your ass,” Johnny said next to her, the ever-present aviators evidently no obstacle to glaring at the approaching van. Which they weren’t, since it was her eyes he was looking through.

 _Guess who’s back._ “I know what I’m doing, Johnny.”

She straightened up without moving away from the low wall, and waited for the old man to park the van with way too much care given the state of the vehicle, or the quay for that matter, before finally getting out and walking over to her in that strangely hunched, quick stride of his. That had to be recognizable a mile away, she idly thought to herself.

“It is good to see you, V.”

 _Is it?_ It was an unusually direct greeting, she had to admit. “You too. Was beginning to think you weren’t gonna show up. You were several seconds late,” she said in what she hoped was an obviously joking tone. “Seems pretty secluded here.”

“Appropriate for such a secret meeting,” he said, unperturbed, and glanced around. “I trust you have made sure.”

Joke understood, if maybe not appreciated. “I did,” she said with a nod before taking a second to look him over. _I mean, I missed a fucking civilian, but other than that_. He sounded weary, and looked worn. The eyes were as sharp and watchful as ever, but even in the dim light she saw the lines a little deeper and a sheen on his skin. Even the meticulously careless-looking bun and silvered beard had a few stray strands. “How are you holdin’ up? Looking a little rough.”

The look he gave her was sharp… but maybe not insulted. He propped his elbows on the wall next to her, and looked out over the bay before turning back to her. “You see a man robbed of his implants, money, and dignity. Look well.”

He paused to let her do just that before continuing.

“It is not all bad. I am mostly unnoticed in the streets.”

“The offer still stands.”

“I still decline. But I appreciate that you extend it.”

V shrugged. She wasn’t going to force him. Maybe he’d swallow his pride eventually.

Taking advantage of the lull in what passed for conversation between them, she quickly scanned the meeting spot once more before turning around to lean down next to him. And to power the tightbeam up for a few seconds.

{Clear?}

{Clear. The van blocks five by five, try to get everybody to stay on that side of it.}

V tapped the concrete nervously. She found she did not much like the idea that right now the target was firmly on Goro.

“So. Your friend? Gonna finally fill me in?” she asked.

“Yes. Oda. He is Hanako-sama’s bodyguard.”

“We are meeting Hanako _Arasaka’s_ bodyguard?” V asked, congratulating herself for neither punching his lights out, nor entirely losing control of her voice.

“Yes. And if he believes you, we will next meet with her.”

Maybe a little premature on the congratulations. “Are you _fucking_ joking? You’ve told the very top of Arasaka security where we are going to be, and we’re supposed to, what, _trust him_ not to glass us?”

To his credit, Takemura seemed to notice her distress. Or at least there seemed to be a calming tone to his voice. “He will not do that. He is a man of honor.”

“My experience? Honor not in huge supply at ’Saka.”

“Do not confuse true honor with the petty morals by which you live.”

“Yeah, _live_ is the operative word here. Survivin’. Not some bullshit honor code that apparently doesn’t stop him from being disloyal to his employer,” V said through a clenched jaw. Getting any _more_ worked up wasn’t going to help her. He wasn’t trying to sell her out, she was sure enough of that — there would’ve been easier ways to fuck her over, and way earlier. But it didn’t mean somebody wasn’t using him.

A few seconds into the silence, he spoke up again. “Oda should be here soon. I wanted to speak to you first.”

“What do I gotta know?” she asked. The plan was the same. Nothing had changed.

“Nothing. I will speak, unless I ask you to,” he said before thinking better of stopping there. “It is a delicate situation. It is best if only I speak.”

“Fine. Great briefing.”

Takemura watched her intently for a moment, appraising something.

“He will be alone. He has been perfected to his duties, like I was. He will not fear us.”

V furrowed her brow at him, until she got what he was _not_ saying. She’d had to make some compromises because she couldn’t gear up fully… but at his suggestion, she set to reconfiguring her deck to better support the quickest, most efficient cybernetic takedown she could risk without exposing her on other fronts.

Apparently it was not the done thing to be direct about what she guessed he might’ve felt to be _dishonorable_ , and so she did not thank him for the hint, or reassurance, or whatever it had been. “I see.”

Again he said nothing, but he did hold her gaze for a moment longer before he turned away from her, and walked up to the bent, rusted grating looking out toward Watson, and the ocean.

“There are corners in this city that almost make you forget what it is.”

“Mhm. Night City grows on ya, doesn’t it?”

“I hope this will not happen.”

V shook her head, tickled by his stubborn refusal to like anything about the city she called home.

Apparently they were done prepping. V took the opportunity to line the tightbeam back up. He was not thrilled with the sitrep she gave him, either, but it was too late to change the plan — if there was anything to change. Didn’t matter who or what this Oda was, Van would at least slow him down if she wasn’t quick enough. And if it was a trap, they were no more fucked than they’d been earlier.

She was sending up a little prayer to whatever devils might prowl when a message came through priority. And then another.

_[ jude: YOU ]_

_[ jude: HAVE ]_

_[ jude: A ]_

_[ jude: CAT ]_

Despite it all, despite how tired she was, how wired she was, how desperate the situation was, V was grinning by the second one.

_[→ Oh good, I was afraid he might not come out.]_

_[ jude: YOU HAVE A CAT ]_

_[→ Well, who’s to say who really has anyone in this world?]_

_[ jude: how ]_

_[→ I pet him, and he followed me home.]_

This time V’s sensors picked it up too. She turned her head to scan the vehicle just turning to make its way down to them.

“He is by car. Good,” Takemura said to her side.

{One car. One warm I see. Half cold, really. Fuckton of chrome,} Van confirmed what Takemura seemed to imply. Oda. Alone.

V nodded to herself. The panic that had crept up on her, threatened her focus… gone. Replaced by a somber, quiet confidence. She was prepared. She was ready. Van had her six.

She was going home to Judy. And the cat.

{Going dark, emergency comm only,} V said by way of goodbye before sending off one last message to Judy, and turning off even priority with the sole exception of Van.

_[→ g2d]_

A couple minutes later, it was all over.

V stared at Oda’s receding tail lights. The meet had gone as badly as she’d expected. Or, well, they were still alive, and not hiding out at the bottom of the bay with… whatever the fuck lived down there. Something had to, right?

So, maybe as _well_ as could have been expected.

The bodyguard had been useless. She’d gotten a good scan of him — and it was something to behold, alright — but that was it.

“Good fuckin’ riddance. One Arasaka whackjob is already plenty. Told you.”

“Helpful. Thanks, Johnny.”

She’d wanted to punch the younger ’Saka from just about the moment he opened his mouth, and the urge to punch _something_ had not driven off with his chromed-up ass. She clenched and unclenched her fist, trying to work herself down.

“Well, we tried,” she said to Takemura, forcing her tone far easier than she felt. As useless this had been in terms of getting anywhere, she had to admit that the man had been right. Survivor bias, sure, maybe, but she couldn’t help but feel that maybe the idea hadn’t been as half-baked as it had sounded. And that maybe he hadn’t rushed into it as recklessly as it had seemed.

“Yes. And we obtained something useful.”

V raised her brow at him. It was getting way too late for detective games… although there _was_ something nagging at her about the conversation with Oda, just at the edge of thought.

“I must think. It is late. We will meet tomorrow, if you are free.”

“…I guess? Goro, what the fuck?” V asked when he set off toward his wheels.

“The parade. Hanako-sama will be there,” he said, eyes just visible over the back of his collar when he glanced at her.

“You’re leaving.”

He might’ve nodded, but certainly didn’t stop.

“You’re actually getting in your car and leaving.”

He paused, hand on the door handle. “Good night, V.”

She was too tired, too exhausted, too _done_ with the day to go after him, or even try to ask what the hell this all was supposed to do for them. She just stared at the stony expression bathed in the red glow of the interior lights before he swung the car around and drove off into the night.

“…And you’re gone,” she said to herself, rubbing her tired eyes with the heel of her hand.

The filthy, cracked pavement was starting to look pretty tempting for a quick little lie-down, so she dragged herself over to the wall, and propped herself on her elbows to line the tightbeam back up.

{All clear,} Van said the moment the connection was back online. {Everything ok? Get anything?}

{Not really,} V mumbled half into her hand before letting it fall by the other. She _desperately_ wanted to lay her head down on them, but managed to just hang it to stretch out her neck a little. {Nothing that can’t wait. Can we debrief tomorrow? I’m beat.}

{Sure. I’ll swing by Vik’s and head home,} he said, although he sounded a bit more reluctant than that.

{Thanks, Van. Tell Vik I said hi, and that Kolyachev is gonna win. And Misty, if she’s still up. I’ll call you tomorrow.}

{Will do.}

{Thanks for today, Van. Love ya.}

{You too. Stay safe.}

A few nights a month, the wind was just right to push inland the heavy, mucky smog that usually blanketed the city, and left an oasis of fresh air flowing through the bay.

Tonight was not one of those nights.

V flicked the tightbeam off completely, and let out a heavy, deep sigh of relief when the sharp heat of power draw at the base of her skull started to fade away. Not before almost assuredly seeding a hell of a headache to come later, but it’d been well worth it.

Unwiring herself had allowed the fatigue start settling in, muddying her mind as much as it made her body feel leaden, heavy and weak and still somehow tight. But the stress of the day lifting did almost feel like a physical weight off her shoulders.

She rummaged around the thigh pocket of her loose-fitting tac pants, and pulled out the single foil she’d been hoping she’d left in there. She inserted the straw almost reverently, but that only lasted until she nabbed the straw between her lips and ravenously sucked out every last drop of the nutrigoop. The energy would start kicking in in fifteen, and wouldn’t last long, but it’d get her home.

She figured — and hoped, to be honest — that she’d need to be up for a good while longer tonight. She tried very hard to not make it a regular occurrence, but tonight she found all the right reasons to justify to herself the tiny dose of her ampdorph mix. To get her home.

It only took a couple seconds to feel her body start waking up. She pushed herself off the concrete, and headed for her bike. Three delayed messages came through when she turned her comms back on.

_[ jude: Ok ]_

_[ jude: Can’t blame him. Something about those fingers. Got two followed you home now. ]_

_[ jude: :) ]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: terminal illness, drug use
> 
> —
> 
> :)


	8. For You My Little Darling I’ll Say Goodbye

Death was the soundtrack of Night City.

Most of the time it was just there, rising and falling around whatever you called a life, subtly playing with your emotions. Blinding you to the banality, makin’ you think it all meant something.

You’d only notice it when it was missing.

The aliens up on orbit cheated death like they cheated everybody stuck down here. Even the one-percenters still dirtside, with their drugs and treatments and chrome, with their walls and their guards, they coulda just as well been on another planet.

The comfortable corporats… they couldn‘t have thought they were safe. But maybe they felt like they had a chance at it. Woulda been the fuckin’ worst to be shocked when something went down ’cause you thought it _maybe_ wasn’t gonna be _your_ family. _Your_ friends.

Everybody else, making it to fifty was a feat. Every day you got out the door coulda been the last. Every night you got back in, too. Wasn’t any safer home, those who had one.

Friends could be gone any moment, and while it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt, it was the way it was. You went on. Maybe got ahead. Death was the heartbeat, too. Kept things rolling. Got shit done. It’s how the _city_ stayed alive.

No old folk’s homes in Night City. No fadin’ away. You got _wiped_. Hosed off into the gutter when you were done. Or when everybody was done with you. You could try to get out, but wasn’t much better anywhere else. And the city wasn’t about to let you leave anyway.

Judy stared at the small box cupped in her palms. It weighed nothing.

Nice thought, gettin’ used to it. Making the most of what you got. Keepin’ goin’. She grimaced, wiped at her eyes. Just another lie the city made you tell yourself. What happened is you didn’t make friends. Not for real. Less you fucked up.

Sad little snort of a laugh. Royal fuck-up, she was.

Still… maybe was something to it. Didn’t think about it that much, usually. Not doing gonk shit, sure, but not like she couldn’t have taken a lot more precautions. ’Xept now, she couldn’t stop thinkin’ about it now. Felt like there was danger everywhere, now, when she paid attention. And then there was V. Tygers, all the other shit they’d gone thru earlier? She hadn’t really gotten it till now. This was a day at the office for V. Only difference was V went in the office knowin’ somebody was gonna try to smoke her. Went in _on purpose_.

It shoulda scared her that was V’s life. The little she’d been able to piece together told her it hadn’t been all that safe before, either, but after the Relic, seemed everything was big, and only gettin’ bigger. But that’s exactly how fucked up the city was. She felt better ’cause V _chose_ danger. Not like everybody didn’t know somebody shot up ’cause they were one step in the wrong place, one second at the wrong time. Another, and they’d gotten home to BD’s or whatever brain-rot they checked out on. Not like she herself hadn’t had to pull her gun way too often to remember. And she was a smut scroll queen. Who didn’t like smut?

Also made it clear that it wasn’t _her_ job. There was some kinda reflex thought that tried to make her feel bad ’cause she wasn’t gonna make it a habit going places guns blazin’ side by side with her girl even though she _could’ve_ , to a point… but she knew better than that. She knew V knew better, too, wasn’t a sidekick she needed. There was _something_ Judy could do to help, anyway. Just had to figure it out. Fuck, maybe some day was even gonna be V tryna figure out how to help _her_ do _her_ job.

Wasn’t half bad around computers at least, Judy thought, small grin playing on her lips. Might need a lil’ work on the other side of the scroller.

She put the box on a shelf where it looked like V didn’t keep any important stuff. Tomorrow.

She’d kinda waited for the other shoe to drop all day. That at some point, she’d realize this was a horrible idea no matter how she felt. Every time she’d cared for somebody, it’d gone wrong somehow. And now she found herself in love with a dying woman. A dyin’ _merc_ , hunted by one of the biggest Corps in the _world_. More in love than anything had ever prepared her for. Some point she’d figure out she’d let her temper and her heart get the best of her, again, and her brain’d catch up. Some point she’d know this was a mistake.

Never did.

Just kept feeling.

She’d stayed on the pier for a little bit after V’d swung the car around and driven off in a wild tailslide that had left Judy cackling. She figured it meant V might’ve actually been serious about trying to take a few less risks.

Had made her think about how well she felt like she knew V. Not close to everythin’, shit, she’d just found out her _name_ now. But the important stuff. Like the gonk was just, kinda… _good_. Not naïve. Just… however she could be, in Night City. Always. None of the mask dropping, real nature showing through, like she’d afterwards known she’d seen with Maiko. And everybody else.

Seemed like she shouldn’t have known. Not till she realized how much time they’d spent together over the last couple months when she started counting it up. She just hadn’t counted it _together_ together, before. Always been somethin’ going on. All the hours V’d sat with her after Ev was gone. All the hours before that, too. Was like one day V had walked into her life like she’d been _missing_. And stayed, rocky start and all.

Judy had smiled to herself in the dark, swaying reflection. _Probably shoulda seen this comin’ right when I didn’t kick her out for askin’ to let a runner into my system_.

The pier hadn’t felt quite the same anymore. Not bad, just not the same. She hadn’t gone that often anyway. Wasn’t ever exactly a safe, comforting place or anything, just maybe a more familiar, simpler kinda place. Wasn’t ’bout V, either, even though sitting there with her had been nice. Anywhere probably would. Mighta been that she’d been back down there in ’Bend, finally, after all these years. Fifteen? Almost half’n’half, her life. But… it hadn’t been any kinda revelation. Was just about as she remembered it all, even if it dredged up some nostalgia. Simpler.

She had, at least, resolved she’d try and get through to her grandparents even though she wasn’t going, right now anyway. Maybe wasn’t a bad place to think about when all was said and done. When V was better. Or wasn’t gonna be.

Her thoughts had kept circling back to V, but while already missing her after being gone for all of a few minutes, it _had_ become a little more manageable when the woman left. Hadn’t felt like she was about to go up in flames any moment.

One last pebble cast into the depths of the lake, she’d finished up her cig, and taken all the time she’d needed to make sure the scroll from last night had come out okay before carefully disassembling the setup and loading it up in her van to head back to the city.

Part of her wished that she hadn’t cut the scroll freaking out. That she’d have every last detail of what had happened recorded, just for V and her. Past the dive, anyway. The dive she figured she could get into shape to blow some people’s minds, if the sync had worked as well as her quick skim at the raw had suggested… and if V was okay with it. There was another part of her that was kinda happy about losing the end. Like it was maybe better it was just theirs to remember. And remind each other of.

’Sides, scroll wasn’t there. No amount of wishing was gonna change that.

The box safely stashed, she sipped at her soycaf, and looked around past whatever it was playing on the threevee from her seat on the couch. It felt a little weird being at V’s place without V there. Bein’ first time, anyway. Especially, maybe, ’cause there didn’t seem to be much that was V’s — other than the entire fortified room full of weapons and gear. It was just… bare, except for little touches here and there that kinda made her feel V’s presence.

Maybe she should’ve brought her stuff over, after all. Woulda had something to do other than sit around fretting and feelin’ useless. She wanted to message V again, but didn’t want to disturb her even if she was sure V wouldn’t have minded. She smiled to herself. Was kinda different than woulda been a couple days ago. Some practicin’ to do.

She coulda stayed at Lizzie’s, too, bang out some work, but wasn’t exactly a great scene right now.

She’d felt the stares again when she got in. She’d hoped to make it before everyone started showing up for the night, but no such luck with how long it’d taken her to pack up and get thru traffic. They all _knew_ it had been the right thing, anyway, they were just pissed off and projectin’ it on her that they’d been too chickenshit to go all in on Clouds. Easy scapegoat, just as they woulda been first in line to the party if it’d gone right. Worst were the ones tryna stay on Susie’s good side _in public_.

At least Rita hadn’t given her shit. Made sure Susie knew too. An’ Mateo been a dear, like always. Kezzy. Jules. Indra. Coupla others. Maybe it hadn’t been _that_ bad, thinkin’ back. But she didn’t really wanna be there, either. Shit vibes.

And it woulda been too much to tear it all down, haul it over, set it all up again, and then _again_. Even her home system, just for a couple days — she hoped, anyway. Was enough she’d been able to get some stuff from home. She could go to Lizzie’s tomorrow. Wouldn’t be that bad. Or fuck ’em if it was.

Little she’d heard, there wasn’t anything The Mox was pickin’ up. Kabuki, Little China, even Japantown, nothin’ unusual with the Tygers. She’d always hoped Clouds was small fry to them. Not as small as she’d hoped, for sure, but… maybe that really was it. Still, even if things seemed quiet, she hadn’t even had to _ask_ Rita to come with her when she’d said she was gonna stay at V’s for a bit. Hadn’t been any trouble anyway, ’course, but it’d still been nice to have somebody with her. Felt shit enough havin’ to run away from her own home.

They’d stopped by Rox, too, at the Med. Girl still wasn’t back to the land of the livin’, but outta the woods at least. Maybe in a coupla days she’d be up enough to visit for real. Judy had _tried_ to take the last couple hours of Osakwe’s shift keepin’ watch outside Rox’s room, but Rita had — pretty sensibly — pointed out it would hardly make it a _less_ appealing target if it was both of them there.

And that had left her with a few hours with nothin’ to do before it seemed like V was gonna be back. Nothin’ to put off the thing she was gonna do last before leavin’ town. Had planned to, anyway. Now, seein’ as she was gonna stay around, after a little delaying detour to get food she didn’t really wanna eat, she’d found herself standing in front of the very nice, very tasteful façade of the funeral parlor she’d picked. Standin’ in the way of much fancier people, till she’d forced herself in to be greeted with a very nice, very tasteful expression of condolences.

She’d finally managed to save up almost enough to finish paying off the memorial for Ev. But the situation being was what it was, waiting to put together the rest was more of a risk than she wanted to take. She’d dipped into her little savings to cover the rest and get it done.

It’d taken all of five minutes till she was back out on the street with a very nice, very tasteful small box in her hand.

The plaque was already installed, right in the little sunny spot. All she’d have to do was use the shard to activate the engraving.

She hadn’t been quite sure where to put the box while she drove back over to the Ten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: major character death (past)
> 
> AN:
> 
> Soo… if I were to tell you that this story, set to conclude timewise somewhere in the general vicinity of events that could have taken place around what could be called the ending of the game, is to be followed by two sequels in the series, would that be:
> 
> A) Terrifying
> 
> B) Awesome
> 
> C) I’m just not in a place where I’m looking for anything serious right now you know
> 
> D) Judy Judy Judy Judy Juuuudyyy Hey Jude
> 
> E) Who cares, man, autonomy is an illusion
> 
> F) Judy Judy Jude Juuuudyyyyy


	9. Steady As You Burn

“Patrona.”

The playful greeting got V to look up from her feet, and she managed a tired smile when she recognized the speaker at the top of the stairs. She wished the arm she had supported against her shoulder to take the weight of the duffel on her back would make up its mind whether it wanted to go numb or burn with the effort. For now, it seemed to have settled on both, somehow. In her other hand, the enormous bag of food she’d splurged on downstairs steamed away. She dodged a puddle of something she didn’t particularly want to identify, and trudged up the remaining few steps feeling like her legs might stop working just about any moment. _’Nother five minutes, it’ll kick in…_

“Roces,” she said by way of greeting when she finally reached the younger man — could hardly call him a kid with the record he had, years notwithstanding. She was halfway convinced she wouldn’t be able to get moving again if she stopped now, but she couldn’t well just walk on by. She hefted the bag as though it’d make it feel any less like she’d accidentally packed it full of rocks. “Thanks. Listen, I really don’t want to put you out with this. Anything you can do if you happen to be around is nova, I know you got your own shit to do.”

“No persp,” Roces said in turn, shrugging it away with a smile that here, away from their turf, was the only hint to his affiliation if you knew what to look for — the gold and ruby inlay in a titanium tooth. And they said Valentinos didn’t do subtle. “Ain’t gonna be twenty-four-seven corp huscle, but we gotcha when we can. Between the five of us, good chance somebody’s here. ’Sides, don’t want Tyger pushing in here anyway. Only a couple days, yeah?”

“Yeah. Might not be even that. But I’ll cover you. Just give me some numbers, I’ll throw the eddies your way. And I’ll owe you a favor.”

He grinned, and waved dismissively at her. “You know I ain’t never gonna call that in.”

“I mean it. You need something, and it’s not something stupid, I’ll be there,” V said after a sharp shake of her head. Then, a small grin in turn. “If it _is_ something stupid, I’ll tell you, and we’ll call it even.”

Roces laughed, and pushed himself off the railing. “Alright, miz V. Your choom’s in,” he added with a jerk of his chin toward her door, and the subtlest raise of brow. “You good for tonight?”

“Yeah, Roces, thanks. I’ll introduce you tomorrow if you’re around. See ya,” she said, finding to her warmly splashing surprise that she _really_ wanted to answer the politely unasked question. Settling on leaving it ambiguous until she’d talked to Judy, she clapped him on the shoulder before turning about and steeling herself for the last, endless-looking meters to her door.

The ears perking and swiveling the entire small head with them as they honed in on the door spooked Judy for a second before she realized that not running away probably meant the cat had somehow sensed what the door vid would confirm to _her_ in a couple more seconds.

“Your mama coming home, huh?” she asked the now slowly uncurling little creature as she pushed herself off the couch and uselessly tried to fight off the tingle of anticipation she’d had since V’s last message blossoming into something a whole lot bigger. She wasn’t planning on strapping on an apron or anything, and she was definitely expecting the favor returned, but right now having gotten the table set to wait for V to get home to her felt… real nice. Surreal, but nice.

She followed after the little furry thing darting over to butt his little furry head into V’s shin.

“Hey, you,” Judy said, not even bothering to fight the feeling anymore, nor the smile tugging at her lips when the lavender eyes turned from the cat to her — just before her heart skipped a beat and she dove in to catch V before the woman could collapse on the floor after dropping the heavy-sounding bag. “Whoah, hey — V… what’s wrong, you hurt?”

V gladly took the support though she’d already found her balance, and steadied herself against Judy. “I’m fine, I’m fine,” she said with what she hoped was a reassuring smile, fighting off the brain zaps of static that fragmented her vision with flickering artifacts in every shade of blue and a flashing warning about the relic restabilizing after malfunctioning on top of everything else. She tried to blink the infernal visual noise away, cursing silently the stupidity and clumsiness that had put that fright in Judy’s voice. “Just comin’ down too quick, little low on sugar, and carrying way too much. Lost my balance. Already sucked in a bunch of nergs,” she added just to reassure more, jerking her chin toward the three squeezed-empty energy goop foils on top of the various containers of still piping hot food in the bag by her leg.

_Fatigue not good for the chip, noted._

Judy’s face was so close to hers in their little hunched huddle that V could feel the warmth… and from the corner of her now-clearer eye see the lingering concern. “I’m fine, Jude,” she said, even more emphatically, and urged the woman to let her straighten back up.

Satisfied that V was not in fact horribly wounded, Judy did let her stand back up… but didn’t let go. She draped her forearms over V’s shoulders, comfortably just about a handspan taller than hers, and lightly stroked the tight cords of muscle along the back of her lover’s neck. “You better be. Not eatin’ definitely goin’ right up there with driving into a lamppost,” she said mock-seriously, the scare fast fading from even memory as she finally, _finally_ got to look into those eyes again. At the ghost in the machine. “C’mere.”

V did not resist the gentle pull, letting her arms lightly circle around Judy’s waist as she closed the distance… and then tighter, desperately, any distance between them too much the moment Judy’s lips brushed against hers for a soft, warm tease before claiming her breathless.

“Hey,” V said softly when she opened her eyes again, a gasp for air followed by a longer one to steady herself against a very different sense of falling out of control.

“Hey,” Judy breathed back, smiling up at V. Her fingertips brushed along the shaven temples in a gentle caress, and she could not resist dipping in for another kiss, short only for knowing she’d be unable to stop herself if she let it go on any longer than she _needed_ to feel V’s lips for again. “How ’bout we get your sweet lil’ behind outta all this armor?”

V’s smile was half a grimace, every word strumming the deepening need in her and chipping whatever resolve she could’ve ever hoped to have with Judy in her arms, every shared breath felt in the body pressed against hers. “I gotta clean up. I’m sorry, I’m _amazingly_ unsexy right now… been running around in this suit all day, and it ain’t pretty to begin with. And I desperately, _desperately_ have to pee.”

Judy grinned up at her, now. “Hey, people are into all kinds of stuff,” she said, hoping that the hand she let slowly find its way down V’s neck… and then lower… _lower_ … showed how much she truly, very much did not mind. How much she wanted V. _Needed_ V. “’Sides, gonna need a whole lot more’n you showin’ me you’re real, not somethin’ I imagined, to ever not be sexy to me, mi ninfa.”

V inhaled sharply when she felt Judy’s hand slip between their bodies, tracing along the front of the skin-tight suit. The way the deep brown eyes darkened as they captured hers made the grin so much more than just playful… and the words of reassurance washed away the worry that now seemed foolish, surfaced the same rock they were both clinging to as they clung to one another. That this was real, that the woman in her arms was real, that _this_ was real. A little more real every breath they shared.

Faith, now, not hope.

V knew Judy could feel her tremble under her touch, and she did not care. There was no pretense, no game to play, nothing to hold back. The only deceit was the one to bear just a moment longer. “What _is_ with these names? Witch, vampire, nymph… ok, I’ll give you that one,” she said, the words aspiring perhaps to lightness, but her voice low, and dark with desire.

“Mhm, you better, _Nimuë_ ,” Judy said, grateful for even this small distraction from the need that the way she could feel V respond to her in her arms did absolutely nothing to blunt. She let go, finger softly pressing against V’s lips to stop any arguments… and to promise something else, very soon. Her hands slipped underneath the high collar of the thick, faux-synthleather jacket that she knew weighed twice what it looked. She raised an inquiring brow. “Let me?”

All it took was a small nod from V to give permission, and Judy’s hands snuck deftly deeper under the thick shoulder pads, fingers tracing the uneven surface of the suit along the ridge of her collarbone as wrists pushed the jacket down onto her arms… and then, after little more than a glance down to maybe make sure Pix wasn’t underneath, nudged it past her elbows to fall on the floor.

Judy shifted just a little closer, enough that she could feel her hands against her own belly when they settled on the buckle holding up the ink-black, loose-fitting pants that tapered tight below the thigh, and up this close belied their simple yoro looks. “Kicks,” she whispered, though she could not resist teasing her thumb along the suit’s sealed front seam.

It took a little support from Judy holding onto her belt for V to be able to pick up one foot at a time and hastily nudge off her shoes. Not because it was hard to balance this close, though it was, but because even through the suit feeling Judy’s fingers nestled against the crease of her thigh on each side was enough to send butterflies soaring within her before they could be startled into flight by the deep throb of a pulse that the thumb kneading into her tummy shot right through her. “Jude…” V hissed, just barely.

Not that it stopped Judy. On the contrary, hearing the shiver in V’s voice only made her want _more_ of it. The shoes gone, she brushed her thumb along the buckle, and felt more than heard the weave tightening the pants to a closer fit from the knees down release its tension to make it a simpler but no less delicious a job to brush the control pad again to release the belt weave itself, and let the pants fall down around V’s ankles. She could still feel the brush of V’s lips on hers when she looked up at the woman.

The small grin playing on Judy’s lips was very nearly V’s undoing, the slightly bared teeth that she so adored in her lover’s smile now so far from mere cuteness that she could have believed that they were to soon to be at her throat… and that she’d welcome the fate. Though, at this point, a breath might’ve been enough to topple her over. “I usually just take this off in there…” she managed to say, any indication of what and where lost somewhere in depths of brown.

Another little hum, another stolen moment closer before Judy set her heels back down. Without the obstacle of the suit in her way, she wasn’t sure if she could’ve stopped herself.

Something about the… wasn’t hesitance, exactly, but something like it that she saw in the unshakeable, invincible woman. Shyness, maybe? …N-uh. _Vulnerability_. Not somethin’ taken. Given, ’cause it felt like V wanted it, needed it as much as Judy did. And it made her want V even more madly. “Go on, then. Let’s get ya in there,” she said, softer, waiting, making sure V understood she was asking, not telling.

V held Judy’s gaze for just a moment before doing as she was told. Just a moment to try to recompose herself from the mess of desire the woman had reduced her to, the self-consciousness that was only amplified by the cold tiles under her bare feet when she turned around in the small shower compartment and watched Judy follow her in. A shyness that she maybe only felt because it was _Judy_ , a shyness that was _okay_ because it was Judy. Style was everything, attitude was everything, cred was everything. Always been. Even in this small way, she wasn’t sure anybody else had ever gotten this close to her. So close that no defense remained in the way, no façade. So close that she did not run away even when there was nowhere left to hide.

“How does this work?” Judy asked, her low, soft voice barely sharpened even by hard tile as she closed the distance to V, and ran her fingers lightly along the seam at the front of the body-hugging, almost void-black jumpsuit that resembled the netrunner suits she’d seen, but… more. More armor. More tech. Weirder. Hacky. Definitely not off the peg. She caught V’s eyes again. Waited until they surrendered to her. _Let me do at least this much for you._

V clung to what she knew to not drown. “This isn’t pretty…” she said, the soft warning met with nothing but a resolute shake of the head from Judy. V bit her teeth together, the desire storming through her taking her mind of what the love in Judy’s eyes could not shelter her from, and for the first time after the first time, she thought she could bear what would follow the command she issued with her eyes hopelessly captured by Judy’s.

She was no stranger to ’ware, nobody was, but Judy could not stop her gaze breaking away, turning to stare at the… she couldn’t imagine what they were underneath sheaths rising from the suit. Rising _out of V_. Maybe needle probes, rods longer, wider than she’d ever wanted to imagine could exist… eight pairs she could see, behind the neck, on the chest, the inner thighs, each arm. She could not, until a soft grunt made her tear her eyes away. She saw the pained snarl on V’s lips, as bravely as the woman was trying to fight showing the discomfort Judy couldn’t begin to imagine what it would’ve even felt like if just _seeing_ it was making her bones ache. “V…” she said softly, reaching out to cup the woman’s cheek with no idea what else she could possibly do to help, and breathing more easily again when she saw the grimace soften into a tired smile almost the instant her thumb brushed over the corner of V’s lip.

“’S okay,” V breathed out still a little shakily, and planted a kiss on Judy’s palm. “I’m sorry. It’s only a couple seconds it feels bad. C’mon, I think I interrupted something I was liking a whole lot more,” she added to take Judy’s mind off the extremes she had to go to to manage her temps, and hoping the nausea of the bone anchors grinding and her circulation returning to the pulsing throb of heartbeats would pass quick. Just looking at Judy looking back at her was doing an amazing job of soothing the discomfort, at least, even if the _very_ different kind of discomfort swirled right back in — if it ever even left — and threatened to pick her up like a leaf in a storm.

“Don’t ever say you’re sorry ’bout hurting,” Judy said, more sternly than she’d meant to… and tried to fix that by dipping in close on her toes, eyes unflinching now on V’s, begging her to understand as she kissed V as softly as her words had sounded harsh. Softly, for a moment, before the fire within rose again and she found herself almost forcing V back into the wall to be _closer_ , to feel her, touch her, have her.

Judy broke off with a gasp, and lightly pushed herself back to finish what she’d started and get V out of this nanocarbon-aramid-chrome horrorshow and make sure she felt clean, and good, and perfect like she was. Somewhere in the back of her mind, way back, Judy made a note to ask how to get the suit off from the outside ’case she ever had to… but for now, she merely watched some internal command send a faintly glowing white dot down across V’s front to split the seam open. Judy’s fingers traced back up along the narrow gap that almost made her laugh at how wild seeing that thin, innocent strip of skin drove her.

She tugged lightly at the collar, pushed it aside. The tips of her fingers on the collarbones for real, now, she held V’s gaze, asking silently if she could continue. If the suit allowed it, now. If V wanted to let her, still.

She could feel V’s eyes on her, see in her mind the small smile gettin’ less uncertain even as she looked down and gently peeled the suit away from skin. She could feel the heat released, the friction of the still damp skin, the deeper, darker scent, and none of it made V a single bit less attractive to her. She pushed the suit over the shoulders, careful to make sure there was nothing underneath where the awful rods had sat against V’s neck and chest. She saw them now, the slits in skin concealed in the hearts of beautiful marigolds on both sides of the sternum. Soft and gentle were the kisses she placed on each of them as though to soothe away the pain, the taste of salt still on her lips when she looked up at the lavender eyes.

Her fingers, deft and careful, slid further down her lover’s arms along the hard muscle underneath only the slightest softness to help as V pulled her hands free of the sleeves and let the top half of the suit fall around her waist. Having denied herself long enough, she gave V a small grin every ounce full of the need in her, and finally let herself drink in the sight waiting for her, the gorgeously painted skin, marigolds and roses and lilacs and poppies weaving together pieces of art, portraits, icons, dappled here and there by butterflies and bees, even a little bird.

Judy captured V’s wrists, just long enough that she could kiss each of the slits in skin inside her elbows, concealed there in green globes of grapes, or berries maybe. But that was as long as she could hold herself back, fingers finding themselves on the taut, hard grooves of the tummy that quivered under her touch. V was all wire, all lithe strength you wouldn’t notice till it was too late. Even the beautiful colors and shades on her skin seemed to do their best to conceal the sharp contours underneath… but Judy’s fingers found them, one by one.

 _Almost_ all wire. Judy felt breaths grow shallower as her hands slid up along the serrated sides, and she treated herself to another glance at V even as her thumbs lightly, teasingly traced the softer curves. No more smile. Just darkened eyes, and parted lips _waiting_ to gasp. Took just about all the willpower Judy had to look away, and to dip down to only to leave a trail of lingering kisses… on the little dip just below V’s neck, between the breasts she lightly raked her nails over as she lowered herself down. Last just below the navel, the abdomen tensing under her lips.

“Jude…”

She only grinned up at the squirming woman, but couldn’t resist another kiss just a little lower even as she settled on her knees. Her fingers slipped back underneath the suit, and with a little force she pulled it down over the curve of V’s hips. There’d been little doubt that what she was doing was working… and none when she kissed lower along the valley between the abdomen and thigh that would have led her between her lover’s legs. She’d meant to stop and continue her tease all the way down to the toes, but this close, the scent bewitching her, the tremble as she nuzzled along the center of the bowl of her lover’s hips…

V might not have survived a single teasing kiss or grin more even with her hands pressing into the wall behind her for support. Whatever self-consciousness had remained had been driven out one kiss at a time, the depth of desire in the brown eyes returning to hers to reassure leaving her feeling like the center of the universe. Had Judy not sat back on her heels just then, a single touch might have sent her over the edge. The soft whimper that escaped her when that touch was denied to her would’ve been embarrassing if not for the way Judy looked up at her.

“One leg at a time,” Judy said, the touch of playfulness not there just for V.

If otherwise V might have hesitated, the shamelessness in the gaze Judy turned up to her after grabbing a hold of the suit around her left ankle did away with hers, too. She did as she was told, raising the leg enough for Judy to slip the suit off over her foot… and then the other, unable to look away from the way Judy watched her, the way Judy’s lips parted, the way they curled…

The suit left discarded in as much of a heap as it formed into, Judy rose back onto her feet, and cupped V’s face, caressed the temple even as she pressed against her bared lover. She did not have to wait for the kiss. V’s lips crashed into hers almost bruisingly hard, and she did not care as she claimed V’s in turn, desperately needing to be closer, needing to be _one_.

Judy couldn’t have said how long she’d had her face buried in V’s neck when the waves of pleasure began to retreat and she was able to catch her breath, her hips still twitching helplessly every time she shifted against the thigh between her legs. She gently eased her hand from between V’s, letting her lover come down however slowly she needed to. A little reluctantly, she let go of the wrist she’d pinned into the wall, and placed a soft kiss on the bared, exposed neck before pulling her head back just enough to look at V. “If this is unsexy, mi amor…” she said with a small grin, lightly brushing the slickness from her fingers onto V’s tummy before reaching up to push the crashed magenta wave of hair out of V’s face.

Back against the cold wall, V let her arm fall on Judy’s shoulder to caress her, in turn, fingers lightly tracing along the neck, the ear, the jaw. She smiled back tiredly, trying to come up with something clever before whispering the only words she had. “I love you.”

It still did not come naturally to her, no matter how impossibly strongly she _felt_ it. But for V, for the way she smiled down at her… “I love you, V,” she said, a little stronger, a little louder, her small grin returning when V rested her forehead against hers.

“Don’t think I’m done with you yet,” Judy said when, after contentedly just nestling against one another for a little while, V shifted her hips and with them the leg still halfway captured between Judy’s. A little reluctantly, Judy did let it go… but not before that slightest reminder stirred up all of the desire that had for a moment been driven back beneath the deeper, all-encompassing emotion. “Even more desperate now?”

V nodded, her smile a little sheepish.

Judy lingered a moment in the warmth of the embrace, and reached up to kiss the uncertainty away before finally taking a step back and nodding her head to the side, toward the smaller compartment behind the bead curtain. “Go on. But ya better be quick about it. Gonna get you cleaned up, and fed… and then dirty again,” she added with a wicked smile before turning her back to give V a bit of privacy. And herself a reason to tear her eyes away from her gorgeous lover.

Urgency might’ve won over modesty, anyway, but seeing the grin, and the shoulder strap falling off when Judy started to get rid of _her_ clothes was incentive enough for V to do as she was told, again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: cyberware (body modification, may trip body horror, needles), …and then there’s smut. A little.
> 
> —
> 
> Happy Valentine’s!


	10. Right Time, Right Place (Right Kinda Moment)

V made her way back up languidly, wanting to take all the time in the world she could possibly steal away for just the two of them. She gently pushed herself forward, rolling to one side, then the other, to ease her shoulders past the warmth of the thighs that had captured her. Judy complained softly, somewhere above, but soon again they closed around V, lightly against her sides now, feet meeting behind her to settle on her lower back.

She paused there for a moment, denying herself her waiting lover as she stared down at her arms framing the beautifully curving canvas of waist flowing into the sway of hips. She let her head dip down, a cascade of magenta spilling onto the tummy that anticipated with the slightest tension the brush of her kisses to come, her lips tracing along contours soft like the gentlest swells of the ocean. Had she not been afraid it might have been too much, too soon again, the call of the heat so close would have lured her down and astray, never to leave, never to find her way back home to her lover above.

Her breath spilled warm onto skin, and she followed, her lips closing on each of the paw prints inked just where in such contrast to her own sharp cliffsides, the softness of Judy’s tummy dipped into the gentlest of grooves only to flow into thighs like building waves. V indulged herself, and allowed the tip of her nose slowly guide her upwards, kisses following in its trail.

“What _are_ ya doin’ down there?” Judy asked in a languorous, amused murmur somewhere far away still, her fingers finding V’s head again to this time wind into her hair with only tenderness.

“Charting every single inch for when I lose myself in you,” V declared as she let the lightly stroking fingers coax her to finally tilt her head back, the way she _felt_ herself looking up at her lover belying any joking lightness the words might otherwise have carried. The depths of brown curiously looking back at her, the tired, happy little grin of a smile, just the way the it curled the corners of the mouth… V could’ve done nothing but stay right here until the last goddess out turned off the lights.

For a moment, it looked like Judy might have teased back at her, but the mischievous arching softened into a warmth that stole away whatever ideas V might’ve had of lingering even before Judy reached down with her free hand to gently tug at V’s shoulder. V complied, easily, eagerly, enjoying the feeling of skin on warm skin as she snaked her way up. Only when she had to, did she allow the slightest of spaces between them. Only enough to still feel the warmth underneath her. Only enough to still tease what she could not lavish with attention, and be rewarded with a hissed breath when she let her breasts lightly brush over Judy’s chest before settling down, elbows planted around her lover’s shoulders.

“Y’know, you gotta be careful. Might get me used to mornings like this,” Judy murmured up at V through lazily smiling lips, half-closed eyes staying on V’s through the gentle undulations of nestling into the arms and legs that now captured her.

“That’s the worst threat I’ve ever heard. And… kinda afternoon now, I think,” V said, smiling back, resisting the urge to bring to focus the time at the periphery of her vision, and instead pour all her attention on the vision below her. She dipped down, teasing with nuzzles and nibbles before claiming her lover back with an indulgent, unhurried kiss.

The murmurs against her lips slowly, slowly turned into a hum even as Judy’s fingers, distracted for a few breaths, resumed their gentle play in her hair when she finally withdrew only enough to see Judy again.

“Mhmm…mh…mm… _maybe_ we should start gettin’ up… get you fed. Probably take an hour, that,” Judy said still in a low purr, that little quirk of mischief following along as she returned to the teasing about the amount V’d been putting away the night before.

“Promise to eat quick.”

It drew a soft laugh, and left the smile V could not adore any more than she did, the smile that so captured her she did not even notice fingertips lightly tracing the portrait she had on her right shoulder.

“These are all so beautiful,” Judy said, fingers continuing to guide her eyes along the inks that covered very nearly all of V except for a few spots that seemed like they were maybe bein’ saved. She revisited the marigolds, lingering only a moment before touching a butterfly. Before she squinted a bit, let her eyes roam wider. No calaveras, no traditional iconography, nothin’ obvious like that, but it all tickled a familiarity in her, anyway. “This looks… almost _all_ of this looks a lil’ familiar. ’S not the same style, all… the artist? Same artist, all this?”

“Mhm, could be familiar,” V said, and pushed herself up just a little bit for Judy to see better.“Nobody better than Sante. Their art’s all over Heywood, at least. Valentinos. Lots of others, I’m sure. Stayed away from motifs that aren’t really mine, y’know,” she continued, a little self-consciously, “but there’s a lot that carries into their style. You got a good eye.”

Judy smiled absently, eyes and fingers still finding shapes, little nooks and details. “That’s why. Seen lots of Sante. Got a couple friends in Mox got pieces from him. But it’s all traditional stuff, y’know? An’ ain’t nobody I know could afford all this. Save _their_ life, too?” she asked, now turning her gaze, and her smile, back to V.

V laughed, as soft as she was lowering herself back down again. “Nothing that dramatic. Ran with their brother’s kids a lot. Helped out with this and that. And it _is_ almost all theirs. Got a couple from earlier. Van, here,” she said with a little strain as she tried to twist her arm to show the tricep with a baby picture, “and the bird, and the unicorn. Not many ’till I got thrown out of Arasaka. Overcompensating for the lost years, I guess!”

“You got a tattoo of your _brother_? Christ, V, that’s fuckin’ sad. He ain’t even dead.”

“Did I ask for your fucking opinion, Johnny?” V asked silently, her laughter cut short by a glare at the man spread out over the couch.

“Hey, groove the fuck down, I’m just messing—”

“Earth to V? Where’d ya go?”

V’s gaze snapped back to Judy — or, rather, her _attention_ snapped back to her gaze, which seemed to never have left Judy’s eyes — just as Judy was bringing her hand between them to wave at V.

V’s smile turned into an apologetic grimace. “Fuck… I’m sorry, Jude. Johnny’s back. Was talking to me.”

Despite her best intentions to try to keep an open mind, despite knowin’ V couldn’t help it, the mention of the stranger sent an unpleasant tension crawling through Judy, and left her shifting her hips and squirming just a little to press herself tighter against V, her hand seeking the sheets to pull up… despite the fact that it made no sense to hide in V’s arms even in her own head when her thoughts caught up with instinct. He was _also_ in V.

And even thinkin’ that, she still felt better closer to V. Better, still, when V held her tighter soon as she noticed Judy wasn’t flinching away from _her_.

“He’s here?” Judy asked, fighting off the urge to look around the room to instead bring her gaze back to V. Show her she wasn’t runnin’ away.

It _hurt_ to see the way Judy’s eyes widened at the mention of Johnny, the way she shied away as though there was an intruder… which he essentially _was_. The wave of relief that washed over her when she felt Judy curling up against her, and after a fraction of a second of welling panic later _staying_ there, was just enough to stave off the prowling fear. The way Judy looked up at her let her breathe again.

“Yeah. Kinda comes and goes,” V said softly, and — while making a point to turn her head slow enough to invite Judy to follow her gaze if she wanted to — glanced over at the seating area. “Right now it’s like he’s put himself over there, on the couch. He’s… trying to give us space.”

V wasn’t quite sure if this was the best of ways to have the conversation… but Judy seemed to be comfortable enough nestled up underneath her when V turned back to her, and V was hard-pressed to think of anything that could possibly be better than holding her lover so.

She hesitated. Hesitated for only a moment before letting her head dip again, her eyes never leaving Judy’s, inviting, inquiring, pleading into the air they shared.

Judy didn’t hesitate. It made her throat tighten up, the way V looked at her, knowin’ it was her making V feel that way for somethin’ that wasn’t her fault. The hands she’d let fall reached up again, found V, and gently pulled her down to kiss.

“I usually talk… like talk directly to him. In my head. People look at you funny otherwise,” V said when she finally opened her eyes again, meandering through a thought slowly forming as she lightly rested her forehead against Judy’s. “Do you think it would help if I spoke to him out loud? When we’re alone at least. …Fuck, I don’t care, I’ll rattle right on in public too. Don’t care what anybody else thinks.”

Judy couldn’t help the smile, as much for the thoughtfulness as it was for the thought of walkin’ down the street with V carrying a conversation with her invisible friend. But the question did make her think. “…Maybe. Think I’d like that better. Can we try? Practice,” she added with a little playfulness before the seriousness of the thought that followed furrowed her brow, and made her gnaw at the corner of her lip without noticing. “I don’t think I want him talkin’ to me. Like, I don’t know him or anythin’, not about that… just if you talk, I need it to be _you_. If you’re with me, it’s gotta be _you_.”

She kinda felt like shit sayin’ it, but it felt right, right now.

V nodded, hating herself for making Judy even have to think about… about not knowing if it was V she was talking to. That Judy would ever have to question who it was next to her. “He can’t do that, anyway. Not even when I’m sleeping, or pass out, or… whatever,” V said with as much softness in the reassurance as she could muster, even as she tried to convince herself that she was speaking the truth. It was, as far as she or anyone else knew, but… she shook off the thought. “There’s a particular drug that will do it, let him take control, but nothing else that I know of.”

Johnny’s voice was restrained. “Can you tell her I hear— Fuck, I mean I _understand_ what she’s saying? It’s fine. I get it. No hard feelings.”

V thought about saying something to Johnny, out loud, just to… test it, sort of, but decided to stick to when it felt natural to do so, and to simply relay his words to Judy, for now. “Johnny says he gets it. And that you don’t need to feel bad about it.”

As weird as it was for _her_ to have somebody in the room she couldn’t see — and it definitely didn’t feel the same as your choom talkin’ to you and somebody on the phone at the same time — Judy tried to imagine what it must’ve felt like to V to be stuck in the middle. “Thanks. Sorry. Johnny,” she said, adding the name after the slightest hesitation, and found that she at least liked it better. As if she _was_ talkin’ to him separate.

“And—” Johnny started, V picking up to translate him to Judy on the fly, “And he says if that ever changes, that he somehow ends up in control, he will tell you.”

V frowned, lightly stroking her fingers along Judy’s neck as she thought before continuing herself. “I know it doesn’t sound very comforting, I guess. But I _promise_ , it’s me here. All me. That ever changes, I will tell you, or he will tell you. And I… I trust him, okay? I trust him when he says that. But I also _know_ he will, because I can… I can,” she said, halting again when she tried to look for the right words, “I can’t read his mind, exactly. But I can see _how_ he thinks if I try. And I kind of… remember it, after the fact. I don’t know, this probably makes no sense.”

Though she had never looked away, V tried to make a point of looking at Judy as direct, as open, as _herself_ as she could. “This is me. If that _ever_ changes, one of us will tell you. I promise. He promises.”

Judy blinked away the heat in her eyes. Forced her tightened jaw to open. “Okay.”

V combed her fingers through Judy’s hair, nuzzled her nose as she broke from the comfort of the kiss following the word, and looked down once again into the depths of brown. The reverie was broken by a breath staccato from silent laughter.

“What?”

“Johnny’s asking if it means I can tell when he’s lying. Yeah, Johnny. I sure can. …Aaannd I won’t repeat what he’s saying now.”

“Ha, busted,” Judy said, her small grin a little stronger. She tilted her chin up to give V a little peck of a kiss before stirring, shifting, gently urging V to get off her — she couldn’t imagine the way V was hunkered over her was very comfortable, as much as she loved the… everything about it. “Can ya tell me about the… chip? The Relic? Maybe if I knew how it worked…”

V was, once she figured out why Judy was rocking her, a little surprised that she was pushing her down on the _wall_ side, not between herself and Johnny — inasmuch as that notion made any sense. Maybe it didn’t. V very much did not want to go anywhere, perfectly content to lie just like this all day… but at least one of her shoulders did thank her when she slid off and onto her side.

Besides, she couldn’t much complain about the alternative when Judy rolled onto _her_ side and scooted up close to her again, head down on a pillow to look up at V propped up on her elbow, in an echo of the way they’d lain.

Trying to think where to start, V absently ran her fingers in small circles down along Judy’s shoulder and onto her side, along the soft curve ebbing at the waist to rise again with the swell of her hip. She gotten something out of Hellman, something out of Vik, and tried to read up as much as she could, with what little there was available in the Net and the data pools she could find. And she found herself wondering why she hadn’t asked _Judy_ about it before. She pulled the sheets up a bit to make up for the loss of warmth that dimpled the skin under her caressing fingers.

“I figure you know how the brain works a _lot_ better than I do, my brilliant BD queen,” she said, pausing for a moment just to enjoy the adorably embarrassed but deservedly proud grin it drew. “So, just _my_ understanding…” she started, the words turning into a small noise of contentment and a smile of her own when she felt nails lightly raking along her abs. Not teasingly, perhaps, but intent hardly mattered… the distraction helped her, a bit. Wasn’t the easiest of things, talking about the tiny piece of tech that was slowly killing her.

“It’s not like a memory disease, exactly, like a dementia,” she continued, a little less uncomfortable now, if not with much certainty, “It’s not _destroying_ the structures in the brain, because it needs them, and it can’t recreate them out of nothing. Otherwise it wouldn’t need a real, functioning brain, right? Or one that used to be one, anyway. You could just grow a clone in a vat and let the chip program the brain matter. Doesn’t work like that, apparently. And the whole thing is stupid anyway, because of the copied consciousness problem.”

Judy nodded, finding her apprehension being pushed out of the way by curiosity. She’d seen the ads for Relic, obviously, and she’d gotten _some_ idea what was going on with this new version of that… but she hadn’t quite put everything together yet. She definitely had no idea how they’d solved the basic problem of consciousness… and sounded a lot like they hadn’t. “Was gonna ask how this whole thing even supposed to work.”

V shrugged her unweighted shoulder. It was a good question. “No idea what the ultimate goal is. Maybe they do or hope to have some way of actually _migrating_ a consciousness. This ain’t ready for what they’re trying to move it as, but guess that won’t stop narcissistic fucks buying it up already just to not have to have kids for a legacy.”

Another nod from Judy. “That mean that Johnny isn’t exactly real?”

V furrowed her brow in thought. “He _wasn’t_ , not unless there’s some shit going on nobody understands. Hellman was pretty clear he’s just a construct. They’re still limited. But I think he’s _become_ a bit real again. Expanded. Not Johnny, he’s dead, but… someone,” she said, a little uncertain whether the idea she was trying to put into words made any sense.

She saw Johnny watching the two of them, but he stayed quiet, just lazily swinging his aviators between his fingers.

Judy felt like she might see what V was trying to get at. “If there’s a brain, and all the stuff that was in the engram is still… viable after the transfer, then that’s _a_ person, by definition? Just not _the_ person.”

“Yeah. Maybe,” V said with a helpless shrug. “So, anyway, because it can’t just create an entire brain, what the chip’s gotta do is the same as the brain does normally. It keeps rerunning the neural paths it’s getting from the encoded model in the engram into new brain until the paths are rewritten, or as close as possible. So that it looks like the source of the engram encoding. There’s some kind of nanotech involved to build the connections into the brain, and then promote neuroplasticity so that the’s less resistance. Usually it’s pretty quick, takes more like a few days, I guess. I’m not sure. But this chip’s busted, and—”

Judy was a step ahead of the explanation that was starting to click now. She interrupted V, working it out out loud. “So the reason you’re not Zombie Johnny Silverhand is ’cause _you’re_ usin’ the pathways quicker than it can try to overwrite them ’cause it’s busted? ’Cause whenever it runs a path, that triggers the entire network already connected to the path — which wouldn’t happen if ya were braindead, right?“ she asked mostly rhetorically, but V nodded without interrupting her, “An’ even though it mighta rewritten that one path, there’s enough redundancy that your brain accesses those other pathways which then loops back and almost automatically… like smoothes out the old path that’s still there under what the chip was tryna do? _Re-rewrites_ it?” she finished the thought, her smile returning when she saw the way V was looking at her.

“…Exactly,” V said, beaming down at Judy. She was far from surprised that Judy was getting it, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t just impossibly proud of her. If that was the right word… not like V had anything to do with it. Maybe just happy that she was allowed to share this incredible woman’s space. “That makes a whole fuckin’ lot more sense the way you explained it than Hellman. Have I told you I love you already today?”

Judy couldn’t help the grin that took her, and for a moment she buried her face in the nook of V’s arm. “You have, but I’ll allow it,” she said when she looked back up with the gonk smile still lingering on her face while she reached up to run the backs of her fingers along V’s temple, desperately wishing there was _somethin’_ she could do about the trouble within. Maybe there was…

But if nothing else, it seemed like it was helpin’ V a little now, getting to talk to her about it, and right now that was gonna have to be good enough. Wasn’t about to let despair claw its way back into that heart, if she could help it. “But that’s not enough? Guess wouldn’t be perfect, anyway…” she said, trailing off to invite V to keep going.

“Right, that’s the problem,” V said. However much it might scare her — and it still did, even now, maybe _more_ than it had — it did not feel _impossible_. Not with Judy by her side. And so she went on. “The chip isn’t meant to work forever. It’s meant to work for a couple weeks. Even the fucking _energy converter_ is showing signs of degrading with the amount it’s gotta put through ’cause my brain’s making it redo this over and over again. So even if I were able to keep this up forever, and I’m not, you know, ’cause my noggin isn’t going to catch _all_ the rewrites… so, slowly, bit by bit, there’s gonna be stuff gone. Or changed. Mostly less important stuff at first, I guess, ’cause the, like, core stuff, personality, that kinda thing, it’s embedded into _everything_?”

Judy nodded, again, at the raised inflection — and raised brow — that seemed like V askin’ if it sounded right to her before continuing.

“So, yeah, it’d probably take more like years before…” V continued, hesitating trying to find a word to encompass all her fears about the idea of slowly losing her self, and maybe not even realize it, “…before I’d start to really have problems. If the chip could handle it. But it can’t. It’s gonna break down, and it’s gonna break down in months, not years. And that’s the same problem as trying to remove it. It’s tied too deep into all the vital shit in there, and because it’s busted, it can’t let go like it was designed to do. So my options are either to find a way to fix it _without_ fixing it so well that it can actually do what it’s supposed to do… or I can go braindead, and maybe it’ll be able to pod-people Johnny in there without melting down first.”

“Shit, V.”

“Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: dissociation, dissociative identity disorder, dementia, terminal illness, canon divergence (…or clarification)
> 
> —
> 
> What better time?
> 
> If, by the way, your life isn’t difficult enough already, and you’re interested in wrestling with an improbably stubborn writer over wacky worldbuilding and lore shenanigans, I’d love to have someone to check my work and spar ideas from time to time at least. (Not that I don’t need purely editorial beta reading, for that matter.) PM or tweet at me if you have the patience of a saint, we can see if it’s a good fit!
> 
> Or, of course, thoughts and speculation and theme songs (is that a thing?) on all this are always so very welcome post-hoc in the comments too :)
> 
> —
> 
> Oh! I forgot earlier. I know some do and some don’t like visual references, but I am quite happy with in-game Guinevere. Hopefully you have an idea what she looks like anyway, but you can take a peek at https://twitter.com/LadyOfTheWorlds for pictures. And some in-character nonsense with Van.


	11. No Enterprise On Earth Will Make Us Kneel

The very first thing V had done had been to check her messages. The ones that mattered.

Wakako had, to her surprise, sent an update she had no right to expect. One that let her breathe a little more easily, too, but not easily enough that she’d said anything to Judy about it.

_[ wakako: Expect agreeable resolution tonight. ]_

Besides that, Takemura had requested to meet in the afternoon, and though V was half a mind to tell him to get bent after the way he’d left, she’d agreed.

Van had gotten home safe, and through some superpower made it to the gym _hours_ ago.

Nothing from Sandra. But she would probably be at work by now, right? V had resolved to give her till the evening before trying again, fearing that pushing too hard might blow up in her face, no matter her concern.

None of the rest had seemed too urgent, so before getting to the rest of it, she’d — to Judy’s great amusement — gathered her arms full of food and a couple nergs, and set down on the couch to wolf it up to make it through the day. She still felt the day before in her muscles, too. Felt like it was only getting worse, how much she needed. She’d stopped counting when she hit 5000 kcal on a _normal_ day. If she had to guess, a job pushed it well north of ten.

Maybe she shouldn’t be guessing, given how she’d felt.

Before she could get to the rest of the messages — or to continue refilling the energy deficit while adding up the numbers on the packages — a call flashed through.

{Hey, Stout. Before you ask, I _was_ expecting to see you here. Sooner, maybe,} V answered with a small smirk.

{Cute, Vale,} Meredith replied, smoke drifting up just at the edge of the capture. The smirk she responded with wasn’t entirely sarcastic, but that’s not what caught V’s attention in a laser focus.

It might’ve been too much to say that V was shocked, but she did not entirely manage to withhold her surprise, either — something that seemed to please the woman on the other end. It wasn’t exactly a secret, and certainly not beyond determined corp intelligence, but… {Been digging up dirt? I’m touched you were thinking about me,} she said, quickly rallying back to a lighter tone. There was hardly a point trying to pretend ignorance. Meredith wouldn’t have brought it up if she wasn’t sure she was right.

{No. I _do_ like knowing who I work with, but I saw enough to stop digging,} Meredith said, managing to convey without even the slightest change in her tone the _other_ part of their history, and that she would have been even more careful with that. {No… as it happens, the reason I’m back only now has to do with a stack of personnel records sitting on my desk right now. One of them is particularly interesting. Junior academy, quick basic tour, straight to Special Operations. Promoted to IO-4 in as many years despite certain problems that this organization doesn’t usually tolerate at all. Over a dozen successful missions as CO after that. That alone would’ve been enough to catch my attention… but I’m not sure if you’re aware how much twins tend to look alike?}

{We _are_ both preem as fuck,} V said with a whole lot more sarcasm in her smirk this time around, but not to hide surprise. _She_ was one thing. She didn’t much like it that somebody dug her info out, but it was the biz. A mention of her brother put her far beyond hows and whys. Into _solving problems_. {What is this? You looking for leverage on me, now?}

Meredith looked genuinely offended by the heated question, throwing V’s smoldering anger into confusion that did nothing to help her rein it in. {No!} the woman said, sharply. She seemed to start to say something, but stopped herself and only continued after a half-breath’s pause. {I thought you knew me better than that by now.}

{Well, maybe I don’t,} V snapped back. She _knew_ she should’ve tried to pull herself back, tried to figure out what she was missing, but that was not a thought compatible with the _need_ to make this problem go away, and make it go away _right now_. {I definitely wasn’t expecting you to come throwing names at me like threats.}

Another pause, the usual confident — or contemptuous — sneer visibly cracking, even as V saw another encryption check coming through in the out-of-band data. {I’m trying to help,} Meredith said, eventually, apparently reassured that the way V secured and routed her calls meant it was unlikely anybody could be listening in even through the Militech-issued hardware. Like V had told her.

{You better start right the fuck over, then.}

{I see I hit a nerve,} Meredith said, but… V did not hear the usual sarcastic edge in it. It _sounded_ like an acknowledgment of an error, if not exactly an apology. _What the fuck is going on?_ {For reasons that don’t concern you — and that I am _not_ going to talk to you about, so don’t ask — Militech is recalling certain reserves. I know that _he_ will not be taking any calls from me, so I am talking to you.}

{They’re trying to recall Van? They… can’t do that. He’s out, contract’s voided,} V said, forcing herself to try to shove aside the anger that was making it very hard to try to catch up. The anger that had summoned Johnny to stare right at her, leaning against the threevee as though he couldn’t wait to _go_. {You can’t force him to join back up.}

{Who’s going to stop us? You and what corp?} Meredith asked, regaining some of that usual confidence. She took a drag of her cig before continuing, {He’s got no contract, certainly not with a credible corp, and there is not a court in the city that’s going to side with an individual, not exactly upstanding citizen against us. The nullifying termination I’m looking at here, dishonorable discharge if you will, _would_ prevent recalling him, yes.}

The woman paused, maybe waiting for V to catch on. V said nothing that her glare didn’t, and so Meredith continued. {All it takes is ennies in back pay, a few more ennies worth of damages for wrongful termination, maybe a _far_ less valuable an asset terminated for having given the corp false testimony earlier, and a very contrite apology for the error made… and he’s reinstated in good standing. No court will rule against something that _benefits_ him,} she continued, smirking at the legal pretext, {So, full pay, maybe even a promotion… and the standard ten-year reserve clause. Of which five still remain.}

{You can’t… _fuck_.}

{Even if by some miracle you did manage to win, he’ll be very used to fatigues in some very distant, undisclosed location by the time an injunction comes through. You know how this game is played, V. The consumer does not win. The employee does not win.}

{This doesn’t sound all that helpful, Stout,} V said, voice dripping sarcasm she wasn’t quite able to let go of yet, even though the target of her ire had moved… and even though it now seemed like Meredith actually _was_ trying to help. _And_ let V vent without getting upset. Which only made V more pissed off, because now _she_ was the asshole.

{The only solution I can see,} Meredith said infuriatingly evenly, with the very clear implication that she — probably correctly — did not expect V to be able to come up with anything better, {is that I think I could sell him as being more valuable to us as an external asset that the whole world knows hates Militech. And for that, I need to be able to show completed jobs if somebody asks.}

{We—}

{I don’t mean wetwork,} Meredith said, a hint of exasperation creeping into her voice when she cut V off, {you made your questionable principles very clear, and judging by the number of times the good Major Vale was in front of a human resources disciplinary board for insubordination, and the lack of any text that’s _not_ redacted in the hearing materials, good looks aren’t the only thing you two share. I’m surprised he didn’t very tragically go MIA on one of these ops, even with the protector he had. Unfortunately, they’re no longer in a position to help. So, this is it.}

It wasn’t exactly a surprise to her that Van might’ve run into problems long before they finally got rid of him, but it was still strange hearing about it. About _anything_ from those few years they’d been more apart than ever before, or since. The careful years when even over their carefully concealed private bbs, they’d both shied away from their affairs at the opposing corps. Even after that one day he’d shown up at her door… christ, how long ago was it now, five years?

She’d never pressed, either.

{Why?} she asked after a few seconds of silence. _Why are you helping?_

{Would you believe it’s out of the kindness of my heart?}

{I feel like I probably should.}

That earned her a smile, or as close as she’d seen Meredith ever get to a genuine, unaffected one, anyway. {As it happens, there’s a benefit here for me, too. But if this wasn’t _your_ brother?} she asked, shaking her head in answer, {Not worth even the small risk. He’d be right back in.}

V suddenly realized it wasn’t just Johnny staring at her. Judy was standing right next to him — actually, where he _had_ been earlier — with a towel wrapped around herself, still-damp hair hanging limply to frame features tightened by the concern pouring out of those beautiful brown eyes that brightened a little when they caught V’s gaze. V forced a quick smile, and tried to gesture with her free hand some vaguely understandable reassurance not to worry about it.

“Thanks, Meredith,” V said, switching from her direct input to using the external mic for Judy’s benefit. “I’m sorry. You… caught me by surprise,” she added, maybe a little defensively. It wasn’t really fair to expect a high degree of tact or sensitivity from the woman, but— or was it? Her brow furrowed as she tried to replay the call in her head. “So, like, what…?”

{Talk to him,} Meredith said, accepting the apology with a flick of her cigarette. {Then he can call me. Or it’s best if we all talk. This… arrangement will not be much different from the jobs I’ve already sent your way, but we need to be on the same page. I don’t expect he would be happy to find out who he’s working for after the fact. I expect you will make him see sense, so I’ll get the reclassification underway. That will give us time, but don’t drag this out.}

Misplaced relief, once again, coursed through V. She had to remind herself that although this was better than _not_ getting a possible out through Meredith, the sitch had once again gotten just that much worse. “I will. Listen, I gotta go,” she said, another quick glance thrown Judy’s way. “I really appreciate—”

{Get in touch when you’ve talked. And don’t worry, I’m not going to bother you otherwise.}

“You’re not! We can still—” V started to protest, shutting up when she realized Meredith was gone already. _…Hang out even if we’re not fucking._ _God_ damn _it._

“Kinda sensin’ a pattern with your chooms. Ya ever manage to say bye to anybody? What was that about?” Judy asked, trying to keep her tone light. She hoped V starting to talk out loud meant it was okay to ask.

Judy had had to admit that while she’d very much _wanted_ to drag V in the shower with her, it woulda taken forever for either of them to get anywhere after that. A very nice forever, even thinkin’ about which had kept her in the cool water way longer than she needed to get clean, but… wasn’t like she wasn’t gonna see V in just a coupla hours. And _that_ thought had plastered on her face the stupid grin she’d found lookin’ back at her in the mirror when she’d finally dried herself off. Except didn’t feel so stupid now, maybe. She’d been a little embarrassed about it long as she remembered, but… now all she could think about was how V’s face lit up whenever she got an unrestrained grin outta her. Which was a lot.

It mighta been the depth of the silence that’d got her to leave her fussing at the mirror and wander back into the big room. V’d been where she’d seen her at a glance when she’d gotten out of the shower, sat on the sofa with piles of food ’round her and the glow of an ongoing call in her eyes, but when Judy had padded closer, she’d seen the tension in every single perfectly still muscle.

Seemed it wasn’t all that bad, at least, now. The smile V gave her wasn’t the forced one she’d gotten earlier — and before she knew it, V’s hands were on her waist, gently pulling her down into her lap. Judy very much did not resist.

“You’re welcome to keep tryin’, but you ain’t gonna get outta answering just by kissin’ me till the end of time… or, guess might,” Judy said, smiling against V’s lips. She pressed another quick smooch on them before sitting up to look at the woman. “Whas goin’ on?”

“Nothing that bad… I mean, it’s fine,” V said, probably wisely correcting course before sighing heavily, and tightening her arms around Judy a bit. “Meredith just caught me by surprise. You never met her, did you?”

Judy shook her head. Hadn’t come up much, anyway, but she’d put a few things together when V’d recounted how the whole doomed heist had gone down. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she was a little surprised how much she didn’t care V was still talkin’ to the woman. Didn’t need to.

“Got a special kinda way about her, you’ll see,” V said, a little half-roll of her eyes trying to convey the frustration. “Anyway. Turns out there’s something I gotta tell Van.”

She was quiet for a second. Her eyes drifted away from Judy’s. “A lotta somethings I gotta tell Van.”

Judy frowned, and reached down to tilt V’s chin up to bring those eyes back on hers. Didn’t sound like it was just whatever the call had been about that V needed to talk to her brother about… and the only thing Judy could think of was that it was _her_. That she was gonna get between them somehow, or…

She’d only met him a coupla times, but that’d been plenty to see how tight he and V were. He’d kind of scared her, first, too — big, and _very_ dangerous-lookin’ in the kinda way that shouldn’ta looked dangerous at all. Like there was nothin’ to prove, and puttin’ on skulls ’n flames ’n guns woulda made him less scary.

But that’d passed soon as he’d smiled, and talked, and laughed. You couldn’t not like him. Or she couldn’t, at least, ’cause he was so much like V you could kinda tell exactly which things they’d done different to end up different at all.

But she hadn’t seen him much, not for how close the twins were.

She didn’t want to let V see her worryin’, but couldn’t imagine it worked out real well. She could hear how tight her voice was. “He doesn’t know about us, I guess?”

The way V looked at her for a second felt like a punch to the gut. Until the eyes widened with dawning realization, and V pulled her back against herself _tight_. So tight, was like V squeezed the fear right outta her.

“Oh, fuck— no, no, it’s not like that at all! Shit, I’m so sorry,” V stammered, reaching up to cup Judy’s cheek just to try to be reassuring in every possible way she could. How the fuck had she not seen the huge flashing warning sign telling her to be _crystal_ from the bat? “No, babe, he knew way before either of us,” she said, her grin at the memory only tempered by the flush of guilt for the way Judy had looked at her because she had all the finesse of Max-Tac in a mirror shop.

Judy let her head fall, eyes closed as she rested her forehead against V’s, feelin’ close to overwhelmed with relief over somethin’ she hadn’t even consciously known she was worried _sick_ about till five seconds ago.

“I’m such an idiot,” V murmured, the side of her thumb stroking Judy’s cheek. “I mean, I wanna introduce you, like, _proper_ , hang out more the three of us, and all that. Guess I’ve kinda been keeping you to myself, till now. But I promise, your only problem’s gonna be having to deal with double the Vale bullshit.”

Judy couldn’t help the grin. Or how the smile she saw lighting up made her grin even wider. “I’m not sure got it in me. Babe, huh?”

“I had to come up with _something_ …”

“Don’t mind it,” Judy said softly. Softer, even, than the kiss.

“You two are never gonna get a single fucking thing done, are you? C’mon, V, we gotta be places.”

“Johnny highly approves too,” V said to Judy, to laughter. “Yeah, yeah. We gotta delta, Johnny, I know.”

Judy was already pulling back to get up and let V start getting ready — herself, too — when a light grip on her wrist stopped her.

“About that. Telling people. I… I mean, I kinda want to walk out there,” V said, jerking her thumb toward the door, “and lean out over the railing to yell it out to every single one of my seventy thousand closest neighbors. But…”

Judy laughed, even though it looked like V mighta done just that if Judy told her she could. “I appreciate ’chu askin’,” she said, instead, and quieted as she stared out the window a bit, at the wide world out there, before turnin’ back to V still patiently waiting. She wasn’t sure who’d even care what _she_ told ’em ’bout V. But she knew V had people who cared, and it felt good to know V wanted to tell them. “Maybe… anyone matters to you? Don’t need to _hide_ it from anybody, but I don’t need randos knowin’. You and me knowin’, and anybody matters. That’s enough.”

V nodded, unsure what she could do but to spend every single day trying to make sure she’d never see those tears welling in Judy’s eyes again, even just a moment.

“Just don’t go callin’ me your mainline, or somethin’, that’s just embarrassing,” Judy added with a small smile. Wasn’t entirely serious, anyway, even though sayin’ it out loud made her feel just how… inadequate it woulda been.

“How about just _mine_?” V joked back.

Judy grinned. “Better. But we both know you who’s _mine_.”

With some more encouragement from Johnny, V managed to finally let Judy get up a while later.

He _was_ right, she had to rush to get over to Japantown, but at least this time she only had to pull on some regular clothes — or what passed for it in a merc’s life. It’d still take military-grade iron to get through.

Judy had managed to spot the glasses wherever it was V had stashed them after the last time she’d used them. She was, to be honest, a little surprised Judy remembered. But despite the memory, or maybe ’cause of it, she found Judy gently putting the enormous round lenses on her before rebuttoning her collar. And before telling her exactly why she was going to go out wearing the silly things she had no need of.

“I…” Judy started, sighing and frowning to make herself get it out and actually get V out the door. She wasn’t sure V remembered it was the same shirt she’d worn the first time Judy had seen her. She’d looked so cute. So adorably harmless, those glasses. “I got Ev a nice place. Engravin’ on the niche and all. Up in North Oak. I was thinkin’ I’d go just myself. Like, not ’bout making time, ain’t in a hurry. Just, maybe you and me go later, together? If you want.”

V stopped her own fussing. “Of course. You do whatever feels right, Jude. You want to go alone, you go. You want me there, I’ll be there. Now, or later. It sounds really lovely.”

Judy smiled, wan. Nodded. “Let you know if I change my mind. Just… yeah. Feels right, y’know? Right now, anyway.”

V nodded again, sharp. Wasn’t a subject she wanted to push Judy in _any_ way, so she let it go until and if Judy would return to it. “Actually, on that letting know thing. Practicing, I guess. Sorry I didn’t message more yesterday. I… it kinda felt weird? I wasn’t sure if you wanted sitreps. And… I dunno, everything else just felt too big. I wanted to _see_ you for it.”

“Pair of gonks we are,” Judy said, a grin creeping up on her again. “ _I_ didn’t wanna bother you, knowin’ you had shit to do. Wasn’t the same, before. Gotta practice,” she said, before her tone softened a bit. “Don’t mind knowin’ you’re okay.”

“I’ll keep you in the loop,” V said, and reached down to heft the duffel with her suit and rest of the light kit in case she needed it. She _really_ had to go. “Don’t worry about bothering me. Just remember not hearing back right away doesn’t mean anything, yeah? If you have to reach me right away, put it through emergency, and I might even turn that off sometimes,” she continued, knowing she didn’t have to tell Judy to use her discretion with it. “And you can always call Van. Do _not_ hesitate if you feel like you need to. I’ve actually been thinking about finding a way to set up direct access, something just for you and Van. But it needs a _lot_ of security around it, and— ah, fuck, we’ll talk later, okay? I _have_ to go. I’m sorry.”

“Go,” Judy said with a smile, and reached up to kiss V goodbye even as she lightly pushed the woman toward the door. “Gonna be at Lizzie’s all night, plan swingin’ down there ’less you hear different, yeah?”

“Will do.”

Stepping out of the door, finally, the thing that had bothered her about the call with Meredith, but she hadn’t been able to put her finger on, suddenly struck her. She didn’t want Van to rejoin, obviously. And knowing him, she was about as sure as she was about anything that he didn’t want to, either. Not anymore, at least.

But why had _Meredith_ assumed he wouldn’t want to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Food, Homophobia (Or fear thereof, but that’s not the problem, is it? I know many would know the feeling all too well, so I think it’s only fair to warn even though you already know this turns out fine)
> 
> —
> 
> I think for the forseeable future, two chapters a week is what I will aim for, within the limits of my ability. Likely never more than two. Probably usually Thursdays and Sundays, but I don’t know if an exact schedule really matters to anyone?
> 
> Actually, how long does it take you to read a chapter? Do you need to reread the previous one to get caught back on? We’re not gonna talk about how long it takes my slow self to write one…


	12. In 2070 Or So

_[ → Meeting Takemura. Call you when out, within the hour. ]_

_[ → <cmd: location: share> ]_

_[ van: K, free now, put it through prio whenever. Can’t hop that way yet. Will look for an assistant for you in the meanwhile. ]_

V smirked to herself, but resisted the urge to reply. They’d been playing phone tag the whole way from Ten to the location detes she’d sent to Takemura earlier — and Van now, just in case — on a side street just off Broad and Crescent. Whatever it was her brother had been up to that was important enough to keep hanging up on her was evidently wrapped up now, but she only had a few minutes left before the designated meeting time when she plopped down on the seat in her usual table in the back corner. It had a good view of both the front and back entrance, and a permanent hack on the blinds of the next booth, just in case a third route out was needed.

She _still_ had a couple minutes, given the rush, but not enough to get into it with Van. Come to think of it, she probably shouldn’t say anything to Judy about the ride over, either.

She hauled one foot up on the seat and leaned against her curled-up knee to quickly go through her messages once again, while keeping one eye on the security feeds she’d tapped into, and one ear on whatever it was that Johnny was incensed about. Something about artistic integrity in commercial music.

Studiously ignoring the message from River she knew she was putting off getting to for some reason she couldn’t quite put her finger on, V was deep in a quick back-and-forth with BB over the plans for a data fortress the younger runner was pushing for — and still grinning at the adventure Panam had recounted over a dozen messages, left on a cliffhanger that required several exclamation marks — when she saw in the outside feed a familiar gait even as her scanner picked up the elevated threat markers.

By the time the Takemura’s shadow fell on the greasy floor tiles, her IFF algo had made up its mind, too. As had Johnny, still talking about the moral depravity of pop, or maybe that pop was _less_ bad, even as he sneered at the man over his shoulder.

It wasn’t exactly _bright_ in the cavernous space, but lit well enough that she had no need to fuss with her optic inputs to continue her cursory inspection from the night before. It’d been kind of a blur, those first days and weeks when she’d been well enough to get out of bed without splitting migraines, but she still rememebered perfectly how meticulously kept Goro had been that first time they’d met not at gunpoint. The impeccable, starched-look shirt, still-gleaming chrome, even the scent of some classy perfume she knew from a past life but couldn’t have named — faint, whether faded, or tastefully applied. He didn’t look _bad_ , in the way that handsome men get away with being shabby, but he looked even more tired in the light of day.

The difference was starker than she’d realized earlier.

She tried for a welcoming smile, not obnoxiously bright or cheerful. She found she couldn’t quite interpret the knitting of the brow she got in response.

“V,” he said curtly, a distinctly suspicious look cast at the plate of jollof in front of her as he grunted his way to sitting opposite her. She noted absently that Johnny moved out of the way, as though he actually needed to make room.

“I figured you probably hate all the substandard familiar-sounding food we have here, so might as well try something different to hate,” V said, half-seriously. “Want some?”

Goro stared back at her for a moment before another vague, hard-to-interpret nod of his head, but didn’t protest.

V waved at the man behind the counter to ask for another plate of the same. “So, kinda rude the way you left yesterday,” she said, lightly, and tucked back into her plate to make a point.

“What do you mean?”

“You just left.”

“There was nothing more to do. It was a long day already,” he added, catching her eyes as he did.

Was he commenting on _her_? She didn’t think her fatigue had been that clear, at least not before she unwired. “All the same,” she said, stubbornly. He was obviously right, but also wrong. There was a way you did things.

“I see.”

“How are you doing, anyway?”

“Why the sudden interest?” he asked sharply, lowering his voice and turning to accept the steaming plate offered to him with a polite smile at the server, before turning equally sharply to look at her again.

“Why the hell not?” V asked, “We’re working together, and you’re not the worst of people.”

“That is not a high compliment in this city.”

V struggled not to grin. “Fair,” she said, instead, and maintained a level stare on him.

He stared back.

She could play this game all day long.

He did break, eventually.

“I apologize. I am simply not used to such questions. And I have answered even fewer in the last weeks,” he said, still a little begrudgingly. He poked at his plate, and experimentally tried a bite. He chewed with care, and patted his lips with a napkin before continuing. “People like me, either we are doing well, or we are in a grave.”

V _very_ much wanted to push her luck on the response, but decided maybe she’d poked at the bear enough already for a while. “Well, you’re not in a grave — and don’t say Night City is a grave, or whatever. But you’re not looking all that well, either.”

She waved off his protest, and waited until he resigned himself to listening. “Maybe we don’t see eye to eye on everything, but we gotta work together on this. And you’re no use to me dead, or making stupid mistakes because you’re worrying about something you shouldn’t be. You’re no use to _Hanako_ dead,” she added, hoping for — and seeing — a little more of a reaction to that, “And for what it’s worth, if there’s going to be an Arasaka, I think I prefer it with you.”

His eyes stayed on her.

“So. It’s time you get over your fucking pride. I can hook you up to a solid place to stay. Some eddies. You pay back when we’re done. Get some sleep. Eat. Even _relax_ for a while, maybe. This ain’t gonna be over tomorrow, is it?”

It looked like he wanted to say something, but all she got was the stare, and pursed lips as he made a face before looking down at his plate and very deliberately focused on eating a few forkfuls.

“Christ this guy is stubborn. No wonder you two get on so well,” Johnny opined, and threw his legs on the table.

V felt the balance. She wanted to prod more, but the fact he’d not declined yet made her hope he just needed to work himself into accepting the offer. She tucked into her own plate, watching him carefully.

Another careful dabbing of lips before he looked up. “Very well. Please give me the information. Now, may we move to the matter at hand?”

 _Was that so fucking hard?_ V shrugged, not wanting to press her luck any further. This was a win, small as it was. “The parade.”

“Yes,” he said with a sharp nod. The fork was placed down, for now. “Hanako-sama will be there with her brother. To show unity. After that, she will leave. This is our chance, perhaps. If we can get to her somehow.”

“We — literally you and me, the two of us,” V asked, pointing at each in turn, “will go through Arasaka's security assets around not one but _both_ their most important people in the same place. After an assassination. And get to Hanako, whose bodyguard knows we want to talk to her. _That_ is your plan?”

“I admit it may sound bold,“ he said calmly, ignoring V’s very unsubtle incredulity. “But do not forget who you are. Do not forget who I am. There are not many assets, as you say, who are a match. Oda, yes, perhaps. Adam Smasher, but he will not be permitted to attend. Not many others.”

That compliment, either well-couched or simply unconsidered, took V by surprise — and took a little wind out of her sarcasm.

“Much of the protocol is still the same as it was for my duty. They have not had time to change,” Goro said after noting her silence, “And I designed much of it.“

“Saburo got killed.”

“Yes, you understand my point,” he said, completely straight-faced.

“I _really_ wish I didn’t.”

“We have one other clue. From yesterday, did you notice? They are expecting trouble. But Oda does not feel the security measures are strong enough. I believe Yorinobu may expect that we will try to reach Hanako-sama,” he said as though laying down an ace.

“You are not helping your case here.”

“Do you not see? They weaken their defenses to draw us out.”

V rubbed her face, vaguely grateful that the Kiroshis still _felt_ the exasperation. “Into a trap.”

“Exactly!” Goro said, pleased.

“My apologies,” V started, looking up at him between her fingers, “I didn’t understand the plan earlier. We’re not trying to infiltrate to reach the two best-protected people planetside. We’re trying to get them to lay us a trap, and then we _walk into that trap_. Just the two of us. For some reason.”

“Exactly! Small force is unexpected. Draws less attention.”

Maybe the Kiroshis didn’t feel it _quite_ the same. V rubbed her face some more anyway, half to ignore Johnny going off. She took a deep, heavy breath. “Alright, let’s say this is the way we want to get killed. First of all, we need to—”

“Yes, we need to do proper reconnaissance,“ he said, cutting her off. “We need a full map of Japantown—”

“Hold on,” V said, cutting him off in turn. “Maybe you’re right, and we’re not terrible at this, but _if_ we’re planning a full-on extraction against a well-trained elite security force that’s _expecting us_ , I’m gonna bring in Van.”

“Your brother?” Goro asked, evidently puzzled by the idea.

“Yes, he knows a thing or two about ops like this.”

He seemed to consider the proposal. “Very well. I trust your judgment. But no more. We _must_ be small. Insignificant. Move quickly.”

“We’ll see what Van says about that. You’re _probably_ right,” V conceded.

“I am certain your brother will also require as much information on the location as we can obtain.”

“Yes. The parade site, and any other possible stops.”

“I assure you. This is the only possible location. The others will be too small. Too easy to control.”

V raised her hand to accept the explanation. “I’m sure you’re right, but if you’ve already cased— done reconnaissance those other spots, put something together so you can show Van?”

“Very well. What about Japantown itself? Alas, I do not have other contacts I can reach.”

It was V’s turn to make a face. “I know who to talk to. But there’s a slight… complication.”

“You have many complications. You must try to simplify your life. The wise person reduces their problems to only those they must have.”

V stared at him. Was he… quoting a proverb at her again? She already opened her mouth when she saw the crinkles at the corners of his eyes. “Are you fucking with me right now?”

“Yes, that was well caught,” he said, the crinkles deepening a little. There was even, maybe, something like a smile.

V shook her head, a little too taken aback to laugh. “Ok. I gotta set it up. Like I said, I need to straighten something out, and then we can see about getting some kind of schemes for the parade area.”

“Yes. I will eat here. This is no worse than anything else I have encountered.”

“Be sure to leave a review on Ziggurat, I bet the owner will appreciate it. But this may take a while longer than your food. Even at the speed you’re going.”

“When do you expect we can speak to this contact, then?”

“Tonight, maybe. Maybe tomorrow,” V said, but paused to think. She had considered just going alone, but it might not be a bad idea to get a second gauge on Wakako, because V herself was feeling weirdly uncertain what was up with the woman. “The place is just off Jig-Jig Street. If you go check out the place in Heywood, it won’t be too far to come back.”

“Jig-Jig Street. What is this name?”

“’S just a Night City thing,” V said with a shrug.

“Maybe I deserve the mocking in turn. But do not make a habit of it,” he said, looking at her sharply.

“Really, Goro?”

“Very good, you saw it again.”

V shook her head in mildly amused disbelief. “It’s the red light street, just off Cherry Blossom Market.”

“Ah, yes. I know this place.”

V couldn’t resist it. “Do you now?” she asked, wagging her brow.

“Yes,” he said, with a very distinct lack of wagging.

“Okay then,” V said after blanking out for a second. “Okay. So, I talk to Van, and Wakako — my contact. You eat, then you call the number I’m sending you. Tell whoever answers that V asks Luz to set you up in The Glen. Then… I dunno, get some sleep. Take a bath. Watch a game show.”

V put her hands down on the table to push herself up, but he stopped her before she could stand.

“Will you not finish your food? A wise woman once spoke to me of the importance of only leaving properly.”

This time, V grinned. And sat down.

She still had a while left before she’d have to call Van, so she stayed a short while to chat while they ate — mostly about the things Goro especially hated in Night City, but not just, and the food was good, and he wasn’t horrible company, really.

She called Van as she revved the bike and pointed it toward Charter Hill. She could _see_ the needling coming for calling so late after making him wait by the phone — but maybe Van saw something in her expression, too, because he went straight to the point instead.

{What was important, but not emergency important?} he asked, brow furrowing from the mischievous arch he’d started with.

{Got some intel that’s not gonna make you happy. You know Meredith?}

{Yeah, your Militech _friend_ ,} Van said, a bit of that arch reappearing.

{Can we just do ‘Militech friend’ without the extremely unsubtle emphasis, going forward?} V said, but couldn’t help the slight quirk of a smile. {That’s another thing, sorta, I want you to meet Judy— ah, fuck, later. Meredith.}

{Your friend.}

{Right. My friend, who I have not introduced you to for reasons,} V said, resisting the urge to zip between two trucks to try to make the turn before the crossing traffic got their green. She wrinkled her nose at the CHOOH2 fumes, stopped behind one.

{Right…}

{Who knows who you are.}

{I feel like you’re dragging this out,} Van said, but she saw the change in his expression. In his _stance_.

{I am. Militech wanted to recall you.}

{ _What?_ }

{That’s what she said. Actually, what she said _exactly_ was that she was doing something that involved a stack of personnel records — I guess all people they want to recall — and one of them happens to be you. Your mug rang a bell, and she dug in deeper.}

Van said nothing, and V hit the gas as the light turned.

{Now before you get too worried — fuck, I am _so_ bad at this, I should’ve led with the don’t worry part, huh?} she asked, hunkered down on the frame. She got a hesitant, unamused nod. And that made her pick up her pace a bit, words spilling out now. She really _should_ have led with this. {She says she can instead classify you as an external asset. You and me doing jobs for them on the side, like I’ve done a couple. No wetwork or other bad shit, you know I checked.}

Van remained quiet despite what V thought was good news, his eyes wandering in thought, fingers kneading his bottom lip and rubbing over the stubbly chin.

{Van?}

He looked up, as though surprised. {How sure are you that she’s not just trying to fuck you over somehow with this? Get to you, somehow, or get to me?}

{I… dunno? Pretty sure? Feels like she meant it, trying to help, but if we assume she’s playing at something, what’s the play? If she knows about you, she knows you’re running with me. And I’m already doing jobs for her. If Militech is out to get you for some reason, and, again, they know you’re here, why would she warn us?}

Van frowned. {Maybe it’s not wetwork. Nothing obviously raw. But maybe there’s _something_ about the jobs that would make you not take them, or think twice, if you didn’t have the extra incentive? Or, fuck, maybe she’s trying to get you to feel like you owe her to get back with you.}

{I guess that’s possible. The former. The latter I’m pretty sure this isn’t about,} V said, thinking that the woman probably didn’t want it that bad, or that she would’ve just said it if she did. But this _did_ come after getting turned down… Nah. that couldn’t be it. {Anyway, we’ll find out about the jobs pretty quick if we talk to her. Again, what’s she win if the jobs are gonna turn out bad anyway?}

{C’mon, think. Is there anything else that she might want to get out of this?} Van asked again. The urgency in his voice was unmistakable. And rare.

{Nothing that sounds plausible to me, Van. Why are you so insistent it has to be something else?}

{If they’re recalling me, and others, that’s bad.}

{Well I gathered _that_ much,} V said, but avoided rolling her eyes, _seeing_ him.

{No, V. My first team got a recall medsarge as replacement when ours was transferred to boost up a new team half full of reservists. In September ’68.}

V felt the patterned grip roll against her palm when she let go of the throttle.

{If they’re trying to recall me, that’s _war_ bad.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: n/a (I think?)
> 
> —
> 
> Nothing pithy today, sorry. Thank you for reading.


	13. Are You Hurting (Are You Alive)

{How sure are you that your comms are secure? You and Meredith, I mean?} Van asked, and was left staring at his sister for a couple seconds. {V?}

V ran her tongue along her teeth, her mouth suddenly dry. Hearing her name pulled her focus back to the call — and to the road ahead, her body weaving the bike through the usual gridlock around Lele Park as though on autopilot. {What?}

{You think Militech might be middlin’ it? Or do you think _she_ might think that?}

{Uh, } she grunted, just to let him know she was paying attention as she tried to think and simultaneously pull into a gap between two parked cars just wide enough for the Kusanagi. She ran through a mental checklist of the comms config, man-in-the-middles and other vulnerabilities, and then shook her head. {It should be secure. And Stout checked it too, ’fore she kept talking. Why? If they already know about you—}

{Mm, no,} Van said, cutting her off with a wave. {Was thinking maybe the _sitch_ is what she was actually trying to tell ya, coverin’ her ass as trying to help a friend out — would get chewed out for sure, but maybe not put in front of a board. She had to know I’d know what it meant.}

V shrugged helplessly, and tried to wriggle off the bike without touching either of the cars worth probably closer to seven than six figures. {No idea, Van. How would that help? She coulda just told me to get the fuck outta town.}

{Mighta known you wouldn’t go.}

{Guess,} V conceded. She looked around herself, trying to orient her map with the unfamiliar side of the square. _There._ {So… what _does_ it mean?}

It was Van’s turn to shrug. {I don’t see any other reason they’d try to get us back but getting ready for some big-time static. Something barreling down a couple months out, if they’re on the ball. Take at least that long to get the logistics sorted out. But… it’s possible that ain’t it, even if she’s not playing you. Guess you’ll get to introduce me to your friend.}

{I’ll set it up,} V said, trying to strut like she belonged anywhere near these people. Ignore them like they didn’t matter, didn’t phase her, not like she was desperately hoping nobody was gonna stare at her too long.

She wasn’t entirely sure what to make of it — Van’s conviction had freaked her out, yes, but trying to gather her thoughts… she wasn’t sure what it actually _meant_. The world wasn’t much more shit than usual, her own situation notwithstanding, nothing to indicate that kinda trouble brewing. She tried to push it off her mind for now when she noticed she was starting to try to see patterns everywhere, even the timing of Nestor’s cross-border trip. Wasn’t a fucking thing she could do about it right now, least of all as clueless as she found herself to be. They’d talk to Meredith, and see what shook out.

She went around a pair of percent housespouses gossiping in the middle of the street, and swung down to take the stairs to the lower level. {Something else,} she continued, painfully aware of how badly she still stood out in the crowd, even looking just about the best — and most harmless — she could clean herself up to. She thought for a moment before continuing, deciding that maybe the exact magnitude of the stupidity of their plan for Hanako might be a bit too much for Van right now, after the first bomb she’d dropped — a far more literal one than she’d realized. {Arasaka. Takemura and I have a plan. A pretty bad plan, to be honest, but I need you to tell us that. Or the best way to get it done, if that’s all we got. Will you help, please?}

Van looked back at her from whatever he’d stared at outside the holo. {You know you don’t need to _ask_ , V. ’Course I will. But you’ve been trying pretty hard to keep me out of it till now. What’s changed?}

The small tilt of head, the slight narrowing of the eyes… it was so very familiar — what kinda shit had V gotten herself into this time? But never to judge her. Only to figure out how to get her out of it. She had to bite down hard to swallow the lump in her throat. {I know I have, but… it’s getting too big.}

{Bigger than killing Saburo Arasaka? Bigger than shutting down half the city taking out that power plant?}

V couldn’t help but to laugh at the absurdity of the situation, a dry, humorless bark — and, seeing the barely concealed looks around her, to quickly turn on her call lights. {Kinda.}

{See, at this point you’d have to ask me _not_ to help, and that’s the one thing I’d refuse. I’m fucking worried. I’ve _been_ worried, sis. Fucking _scared_. And this shit doesn’t look to be going away,} he said, the depth in his tone beyond the fear and concern that _physically_ wrenched her, made her want to curl up.

Something she so rarely heard in him.

Anger, no matter how hard he was trying to not let it show.

Anger, but not _at_ her, she knew, and that made it so much worse. How she wished he could just go off on her, yell at her for being the fuck-up she was. She’d take any heat in the world from him if she could just stop dragging him into shit, making him take care of her, hurting him. Lying to him, now.

She ducked into the shadows of an alcove, where she could pretend all the eyes couldn’t reach her. Leaned against the cold concrete pillar hoping it would quell her shaking like the shaking tried to quell the tears. {I know.}

{V… V? Hey. I’m sorry, you _know_ I’m not mad—}

{Got every right to be mad. And scared,} V said, even the voice inside little more than a strangled whisper. She wasn’t sure how she’d wanted to tell him. Alone, somewhere. Home. Where he could be mad at her. Yell at her. Leave her. Tell her to get out. After… everything, after this morning, she’d maybe even hoped that Judy would be there, all the while knowing she had no right to ask that of Judy.

But it wasn’t like this. Not out in the middle of fucking Lele Park, middle of a crowd charitable enough to pointedly ignore the lowlife fuck-up crying in a corner.

{I’m dying, Van. Got a piece of ’Saka tech stuck in my head, and if I don’t get it out, I’m dead. I’m sorry.}

The Kiroshis made her see him through her tears. See him when he heard her. Understood her.

“I’m sorry, Van. I’m sorry.“

See him bury his face in his hands, the way every muscle shook.

“Please say something, Van. I’m sorry.”

He ran his palm over his face, wiped at his eyes, nose with a snort. Swallowed, tried again after a deep, halting breath. The tears were still there, in his voice. {Jesus, V. What… Jesus. Why are you _apologizing_?}

She took the glasses off to try to wipe her face clean, her shaking fingers only barely holding onto the thin metal temples before she held them against her side.

{You think I’m _mad at you_?}

“Why are you not mad?“ V asked, breaking voice loud against concrete and glass. “Please just be mad, I don’t—”

{I’m fucking mad you’re out wherever the fuck it is that you are, _alone_. Fuck! V!}

She just stood there, hugging herself while her tears fell. She didn’t understand _why_ , and she couldn’t speak. How she deserved any of it.

{V? Hey.

{V…?}

“Mx?” a deep voice asked next to her.

“I’m sorry, I’m going, sorry. I’m leaving,” V managed to say, not even looking at the speaker to not give them a reason to make any more of a scene of asking her to leave.

“Everything okay, Mx? Please, maybe you sit for a little while? Got a free table right here next to us,” the voice said, drawing her perplexed, teary gaze.

Deep brown eyes looked back at her, a furrow in the silver-dappled brow in a face that looked every bit as refined as the voice. Behind the speaker stood a few others, a waiter, passers-by, patrons maybe.

V blinked away tears.

The brow rose as though in question, encouragement, maybe, a gold-inlaid hand gesturing to the other side of the pillar she stood against. “Could you get them some water?” the gentlemanly-looking speaker turned to ask the waiter, who vanished to do possibly just that. Then, back at V again. “Please?”

{That sounds like a good idea, V,} Van said, his voice measured, and reassuring, now that she could hear him again. But still thick.

She nodded, accepted the gently guiding hand on her shoulder. Sat down, too embarrassed to do more than to mumble a thanks, and to assure them she’d be fine, didn’t need help. And a thanks, again.

Van hadn’t said anything for a while. Just looked at her, in the holo. At the tears drying. {I still want to say I’m sorry,} she said, when she finally could, through the ache in her throat. {I just… couldn’t. First. And everything changed. Everything. I— I guess I wanted _one_ thing that didn’t change. One thing that stayed.}

For a moment it had looked like he wanted to argue, but the eyes had softened again. Like they always did. {It’s okay, V. Maybe I _am_ a little mad at you. But not _at you_ , you know that, right? Dealing with this by yourself, Jesus… And I sure as fuck ain’t any less scared, now.}

{I am. A little.}

The smile was barely there. But it was there, for a second. {It’s the Konpeki heist, isn’t it? Thought I’d lost you for a while, there, and now it turns out maybe I did? But there _is_ something we can do? Is there? How—} Van said, before cutting himself off, the familiar flat-palm gesture of pause and calm maybe mostly for himself. Another breath. {Actually, what we will do is that you are gonna be home tonight, and I’m gonna come over. You fill me in on exactly what’s going on. Yeah?}

V nodded. But there was another thing he needed to be filled in on, a bit. And she still couldn’t stop sniffling, or twisting the glasses around in her hands even though she was sure she’d break them any moment. {Judy’s at my place, though— no, she knows,} she hastened to add, seeing the frown, {I couldn’t have asked her to… you know, take the chance, if I hadn’t told her. Just, you’ve met, but not, like, _properly_ …}

{You want to come over here instead?}

{No, I mean… I’ll ask her how she feels about it, if you’re okay with it? It’s not exactly the ideal introduction.}

{This city? Don’t think you can count on much better,} he said, though there was a little wariness in his eyes. Didn’t need to mention the circumstances of the _actual_ first time he and Judy had met. {’Sides, if me and her can’t handle this, how are we supposed to be there for you the rest of the way?}

V wiped at her eyes once more — the Kiroshis might not dry, or burn, but everything else sure did. She resigned herself to hospitality, and tried to peel open a small cleaning napkin just as her gracious helper and their party made to leave. With more reassurances that she would be fine, and another, less mumbly thanks, she accepted their wishes that her troubles would be resolved, and watched them walk away. The waiter followed like a silent ghost, very discreetly showing her the bill — an actual honest-to-God piece of paper, outrageous for _water_ , and already taken care of.

She just stared at the bill.

She’d come here _to buy a fucking bike helmet_. How—

{Just hate being… this. Such a fuck-up. Everything,} she said, tears welling again, but refusing to spill. {I don’t know how you—}

{What are you talking about? V, you’re not— You think _you’re_ the fuck-up?} Van asked, his voice for the first time not marred by the fear and sorrow that had made it thick and hoarse. Incredulity… and maybe laughter. {V, I ain’t saying you don’t put a foot wrong, but which one of us was it again that got taken outta school and sent to the Academy? And which one of us got basically disowned for getting thrown _out_ of Militech and joining a gang? Which one of us was knocking on a door at three am, and got a place to stay for the first coupla weeks outta service? Got sent money all next year to stay afloat? Which one of us realized a year later that the gang actually _wasn’t_ a good idea?}

He let his head fall between his shoulders, shaking it even as he laughed softly. {That wasn’t you,} he said, looking up at her with that sad smile. {You’re the one who got all of us out without burning bridges. Never woulda had the crew without you. We’re still fucking _alive_ , V! Know how many ain’t, top of the ones we’ve lost? People nobody ever hears about, gone. And our names they know. Afterlife. Fucking _City Hall_. You’re _V_. You’re The Witch, and you’re still here.}

The laughter was gone, but the somberness was so warm it drew a smile that hurt after all her crying. {And, you know what, rest Jackie’s soul, but fuck dying a legend. Every single day, I will take _him_ here with us over his _name_ in a thousand ’punks‘ mouths. Any of our names. We’re still here, sis. And we’re gonna be here. You and me. And Judy, I guess, the way you talk about her,} he added after a small pause. {That was not a great pep-talk for making a good impression on your girl.}

V smiled at him, now. She needed a breather, too. She thought back to the morning… well, afternoon. Thought about being carried from breaking down in the middle of Lele Park to now. {Don’t think you need to worry too much about it.}

{Maybe I’ll bring a cake, just in case.}

{Can’t hurt,} V said, and let her own head fall to take a few long, steadying breaths. She was starting to feel the weight of the place around her, again. But she’d get the helmet, tear-stained and all. At this point, fuck dignity, right? {This isn’t a good place to talk, I should go. But I hate just… You okay till tonight?}

Van gave her half a smile. {I’m not okay, V, but that ain’t really the point, and it’ll wait till tonight.}

He’d stayed on for a bit longer. Not long enough to help her pick out the helmet hung off her arm when she walked back out onto the sunlit lower plaza, though, a neck-brace model with hardshell airbags that left the wind in her hair. The hard helmet would’ve still been a bit safer, but she figured a helmet she wouldn’t be tempted to leave off would cover her a whole lot better.

She made her way back toward her bike, taking a quick glance at her messages to finally see something from Sandra — but just as she went to open the message, the phone rang, her own config raising Judy to priority to patch through… and seeing it was a live view call, V quickly sidestepped next to a wall and flicked on her own real-feed.

{Hey, Jude,} she said with a smile she hoped would hide signs of her earlier cry… but the signs on Judy’s face were clearly visible. Just… no urgency, not the kind of pain she’d seen in her lover and never, ever wanted to see again. The Columbarium. Had to be.

Alone.

{Hey you,} Judy said, smiling softly despite the small, downward tug at the corners, and the puffy eyes.

{Hey. You okay? You… there, with Evelyn?} V asked, unsure how exactly to ask what she was trying to ask.

{Yeah. Still here. Found this lil’ spot to sit, outta the way,} Judy said, and let her eyes wander the space around her for a while.

Then she looked back at V, hands in her lap. Shoulders hunched. {Didn’t think I was gonna be able to do it, gettin’ up here. Like, it’s _Evie_ , yeah? I know she’s gone, been gone, but different in this place,} Judy said, mostly to herself. {And ain’t just ’bout that. Also this… _everything_ we talked ’bout. Plans. Everything she wanted. Me too. Leavin’, you know? All that.}

Judy looked up somewhere, for a bit. The shards in V’s chest were hot, and jagged as they cut into her for not being there.

{Just felt so final,} Judy said when she looked back down at her lap. {Everything she wanted. That’s all gone now. Forever. Just me rememberin’ it.}

V could see Judy fight the wan, brave smile turning into grimace… and then look up at her, those brown eyes full of tears.

{But she’s here now. We can come see her sometimes.}

Judy _was_ looking at her. And trying to smile.

{So, yeah, guess I’m okay.

{Just wanted to hear your voice.}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: terminal illness, anxiety, major character death (past), mourning
> 
> Didn’t see that coming. If it caught you by surprise, too, and the way it caught me… I’m sorry.


	14. To The Edge Of Town We Could Go

The engine was still spinning down, its low, electric whine of idle slowly droning into a halt when V swung her leg back and over the seat. She let the momentum turn her hips and help carry her off the bike to land the little half-pirouette. It was probably a lot less graceful and ballerina-like than she felt, but she enjoyed the little indulgence anyway.

She waited the glacially slow meatspace second for the safe disconnect signal before unjacking from the bike, and loosened the helmet with all the clumsiness of the second time out of the store. Wasn’t too bad, actually… she wasn’t quite ready to admit it to herself, yet, but having the additional safety was kind of nice, and the minimal discomfort of it clamped down on her shoulders was more or less offset by the flow A/C around her head. And with the ultra-thin hardshell extended — against warranty — it doubled as armor from the neck up if she couldn’t get properly kitted up.

Which is why she’d gone for the vanta weave instead of the lovely purple and gold one she’d really wanted.

The cost she’d have to worry about later. The quick job she’d just finished off covered some of it, but the eddies had already been meant for something else. If there was one thing she knew, however, it was that she couldn’t afford to buy anything but preem, not in this line of business, and especially not now. Cheap out, and you’re gonna pay more in repairs and replacements if it doesn’t get you killed or worse, first.

She hefted the duffel up and slung it on her back before heading into the small corridor leading to the footbridge that’d get her across Kennedy. Her step felt light, and it wasn’t just the slower detox drawing out the after from the ad-mix and juice, either.

Wasn’t the coming clean. Getting the secret off her chest might’ve lightened her burden, but the pain it caused Van had a funny way of snuffing out any chance of feeling _good_ about it. Didn’t help much to tell herself that he’d already _been_ hurting and more worried than she’d realized, and that he wouldn’t have hurt any less if she’d end up failing trying to go it alone. It wasn’t even that he’d promised to help — she _knew_ he would’ve had her back no matter what, no matter how mad he would’ve been at her.

Being in this together now, on equal footing, _that_ is what gave her purchase to cling to hope from. And though the melodramatic thought made her shake her head with laughter when it popped in her head to finish the metaphor off, Judy gave her the strength to cling with.

Judy might have had other plans for the night, too — and V for her, especially given how hard it had clearly been to put Evelyn to rest once and for all — but she’d been _so_ understanding about Van and about having him over after V told her what had happened that V had almost broken into tears again. V still had no idea how she deserved either one of them.

One more thing to make up for.

The assault of the street on her senses after losing the helmet’s airshield wasn’t quite enough to drive away the thoughts of Judy, but it wasn’t far off. It’d been a hot couple days for April, and the steel, stone, concrete, and glass that practically encased the street were already soaking it in as though getting ready for the warmer months. The industry was always there from sweetest scent additives to plastic fumes to rancid pools and acids sharp enough to make your nose bleed. So was was the trash, but on better days they stayed in the background, and left dominant the louder foreground smells of food, grease, exhaust, ozone, and people in all their animal smells and perfumed, chromed-up glory.

Underneath it all was _the city_. The decades of grime that infused every surface.

There was nothing else like it, and she’d probably fucking miss it if she ever left.

Her audio adjusted to the noise after the relative quiet of the garage, the balance sacrificing some reduction to help her maintain spatial awareness, to boost speech, and to not rely solely on her scanning algos to warn her to threats. At least it pushed the endless blare of horns and sirens down to bearable, and let through the clank of the elevated tracks. She was pretty sure that maglev wasn’t _supposed_ to clank, but this was Watson, so it did.

Just about managing to avoid bumping into anyone when she swung off the stairs to street level, she joined the throng of people making their mostly lonely ways up and down the sidewalk. Closing on eight as it was, much of the flow trudged away from the nearby corps or the Zocalo and Ellison NCARTs toward Kabuki and whatever lives they might’ve had outside work, but V had to weave her way through folks pushing the other way, too.

It had been a nice idea to leave bike at the garage to have a reason to walk back to the Ten with Judy… but walking through the rush that made her feel trapped and left her scanners working overtime, she was starting to think she should’ve just ridden the rest of the way up to Lizzie’s, instead. Pointless to turn back now, though, since it was only a couple hundred meters, and it wasn’t like she was in a hurry. Judy was probably gonna be busy for another couple hours—

V made a quick about-turn to duck and elbow her way to the railing that was supposed to keep pedestrians safe from traffic, but tended to just capture people to smash them against the wall instead of letting them bounce off the hood. She waited for the lights to turn and the inevitable chorus of horns to start when traffic stalled before grabbing the flaking paint and flinging herself over the useless barrier to run across the road.

One message needed her attention before she flicked over to the phone.

_[ luz: Gave your man the place on old 15th, off Benko. Gotta switch if it’s more than a week or two, but he seemed the kind that needs his own space.]_

_[ → That’s one way of putting it. Thank you, Lucita!]_

_[ luz: You got it, hon. ]_

She skipped reading Takemura’s message.

Sandra _had_ given her access to her TT GPS updates, but V didn’t want to get in the habit of intruding on the woman’s privacy. The access was there for emergencies — or, hopefully, for Sandra’s peace of mind only — and so it would remain. Far as V knew, Night Corp still blocked the woman from overtime on top of her usual luxurious six by nine hours, so chances were good she’d actually be home, in her flat in the very well disguised high-end condo building almost right across the street from Lizzie’s.

{Hi, V! Sorry I didn’t get around to calling you back. What’s up?}

V smiled in response, even though she could clearly hear the higher, tighter pitch of feigned cheer, and see that same tightness in the smile that greeted her. She still wasn’t sure if it was for her benefit to pretend things were better than they were, or Sandra’s own. Maybe both. V couldn’t remember but a few times when the pretense had dropped completely, as close as they had become over the last couple months.

V would dearly have loved to tease about the little lapse in contact, but the frailty on the other end seemed almost tangible today, and her teasing tended to be a bit hit or miss under the best of circumstances. No hey-strangers or happened-to-be-arounds, then. {Hey,} she said, leaning into her smile. {You home? I’m downstairs. Got a little time, figured I’d come see if you’d come out and have a bite with me? Could go up to the place on Cannock you liked.}

{Oh, that’s nice of you!} Sandra said, but the accompanying laugh still sharp, nervous. {I… I do have some stuff I really should get done.}

A _little_ push. {C’mon. Just a coupla blocks, just you and me. You know you want some of those noodles,} V said, implying none too subtly that she thought Sandra might not have ventured the couple hundred meters outside her door in a while, even to the place she’d introduced to V as her favorite.

Judging by the knit brow, close enough to the mark. Sandra didn’t say anything, but V could practically hear hands wringing out of view. And the struggle within, an echo of something very familiar even if she couldn’t pretend to understand exactly what the woman was going through. Knowing that you _should_ go. Some part wanting to, too. Another maybe not. And not being able to, regardless.

{C’mon,} V said again. Encouraging, reassuring, pushing just a bit more while trying her very best to not fall off the tightrope of making it sound like no big deal without undermining the effort it might take. {If you really can’t, it’s okay. Retry later. If you want me to grab some and come up, be happy to. But if you’d like to go and eat out, let’s go.}

The furtiveness was still there in the quick movements just a little too sharp, the eyes that looked away for a while before flicking back to V… but there was less of an attempt to conceal it, now. {Okay. Can you give me a few minutes?}

{’Course. I’ll wait down here.}

{Okay.} …And a flash of a smile. Quick, wan, but a little bit freer.

Grin. {Okay.}

V flicked the call off, and took a look around herself. The crowd was smaller this side — not as many transit users in this block, and lots of subtle but annoying anti-loitering tech — but all the possible seats were taken, and she thought it best to give it another week or two before going back to the bodega to waste her couple minutes, if it was open to begin with.

There _was_ something that walking around in a circle might actually help with. She grimaced, and still managed to stall by checking that Wakako hadn’t tried to get a hold of her — she hadn’t — and that nothing else in her messages looked important — not really — before one final detour.

_[ → : Be a little later, got Sandra to come out to get some food at the noodle place. You want me to bring you something? ]_

_[ jude: Not hungry thanks, maybe on the way home? ]_

V was still smiling when another message dinged.

_[ jude: Think you could bring her though? ]_

_[ jude: We chatted about the therapy use stuff but it kinda fell off ]_

_[ jude: Thought maybe if we meet offline instead. Not much to see here, but show her the rig and stacks if you’re close anyway? ]_

_[ → I think there’s very little worth seeing that isn’t in that room right now ]_

_[ → It’s a good idea, I’ll ask ]_

_[ jude: Gonk ❤ ]_

V grinned.

And then not. Nothing for it. Why was she like this?

Okay.

{Hey. I’m _really_ sorry I haven’t gotten back to you till now,} she said, rushing the words out as soon as River picked up.

{Hey, V. Good to see you. I was worried you’d forgotten about me,} the man said, the rare smile making the joke obvious enough that it eased V’s mind just a bit.

Still, she left her smile a half-grimace for how bad she felt about it. {’Course not. I’m just an asshole. And gotta go in a sec again. So Randy’s getting home?}

{Don’t worry about it. Yeah, home Friday. He’s all good as far as they can do right now. Long road ahead, probably,} River said, the cloud of worry still on his brow to darken the obvious relief. {You know that twisted motherfucker actually got him clean? All the other shit he fucked up for him, got him off the dope.}

{Shit, for real? …I’m not gonna call that a silver lining,} V said, a nasty, cold shiver raising goosebumps along her spine at the little she’d seen of the scene that nothing was ever going to be worth, {but guess it’s the least bad thing to come out of this.}

{Yeah, might be,} River said, a short pause turning his slow, serious nod to one of those elusive, charming smiles. {We’re gonna try to put that behind us. That’s what I wanted to talk about, start with a little dinner for homecoming. Friday, six or so, so the kids get to bed early enough. Wanted to ask if you wanted to come?}

{You sure? Sounds like a family thing.}

{Yeah, it is,} River said, shrugging it off, {but it’d be less of a family without you. It’s the least we can do after everything you did. I’d like it if you came. We all would.}

V pushed aside the unease she felt, the sense that she’d be intruding on what was clearly much-needed family time. {Yeah, of course. Love to. I’ll check with Judy, but I should be able to be there,} she said with a smile, settling for the name since she still hadn’t quite figured out what to call her definitely-not-just-a-girlfriend.

{Right, right… Judy, the BD wiz we talked to about the scroll?}

_…Oh._

_…Goddamnit._

The switch was quick, but she saw it. That pause, that search for a question that could play the moment off as thought. It’d been her job to see those signs. ’Course, it _should’ve_ been her job to notice it way before now… but there was a blind spot she knew she had. And he’d played it close to the chest. She couldn’t remember taking note of anything she might’ve expected to clue her in. Maybe a few lingering looks, couple times he’d checked her out — but it wasn’t like a couple times she’d looked at him wouldn’t have seemed exactly the same. If she had to guess, he’d probably put it off till now, till the Randy situation was sorted, so she didn’t feel like there was an obligation to stick around.

_C’mon, big guy, pull on thru._

{Smart, cute, overalls, way too good for me, that’s the one,} V said with a smile she did not have to feign. She wasn’t about to apologize or work him through it — but she’d leave the door as wide open as she could. She grinned a bit wider, still needing not an ounce of artifice. {I think we’ll manage to be apart for a couple hours. And you know the usual caveats about the job, but I’d love to come, River.}

River managed an amused shake of head in response, now. {Not a quiet day for solos, huh? That’s actually another thing I wanted to talk to you about… but, uh, yeah. We’ll set a plate for you, no problem if something comes up, though. You’ll let me know?}

He had rallied admirably, but was still struggling with the awkwardness clearly enough that V wanted to let him off the hook quickly. {Will do.}

{Great. Great, alright, I’ll… I’ll let you go. Say hi to Judy for me, don’t know if I thanked her enough. Catch you later, V,}

{Nova. I’ll tell her. G’night, River,} she added with a smile and a wave before flicking the call off, and rubbing her eyes with a heavy sigh.

“Not a fucking word, Johnny.”

“Sure. Was just gonna say I don’t want to fuck you. So we’re crystal.”

V was still glaring at his stupid, smug smirk when the door hissed open to let Sandra out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: PTSD, anxiety, depression
> 
> Sorry about the delay — I usually post about progress and other news on Twitter (@LadyOfTheWorlds) since there’s no good AO3/FFN mechanism for it, if you want to check/follow there to stay up to date.
> 
> It was an unfortunately busy week, and I had a hell of a time pinning down how to split the next few chapters. …And then I couldn’t get the words down on paper two days straight. Stupid brain. Aiming to get back on schedule Thursday.
> 
> Thank you for all the lovely comments. All I want is for you all to come live in this world with me for a bit, and even though I know that probably is the reason you are still reading, it is reassuring and wonderful to see excitement and insight and connection and speculation. It is totally okay to just read in peace too, though :)


	15. Walk These Streets Without Our Ghosts

“You’re right.”

V looked up to see Sandra pushing a couple bright green edamame around in what remained of the amazing broth in her bowl, head propped up on the other hand to stare at the idle fiddling. The tight smile was gone, and the nervous laughter, the animated gestures. The short walk over had been outright boisterous in a drizzle that had become a downpour to chase them the last few meters into the cramped, smoky restaurant, squealing as they ducked in. But every passing minute since, the woman had become more and more somber and listless as they talked about this and that, life draining from her right in front of V’s eyes.

But she hadn’t stopped talking.

Not until the last couple minutes. V had let her be quiet, thankful for the pause not only because it told her that the downward spiral she had been watching might truly lead to where she had hoped it might, that it wasn’t Sandra shutting down, it was the _defenses_ shutting down… but also because she was _exhausted_ from trying to keep the conversation going. Exhausted from talking about this and that and not much that mattered in the grand scheme of things, but might’ve meant everything in this small one.

Even now, V was sorely tempted to joke, to fall back to what she did… well, least poorly, maybe, when it came to conversation. But she held her tongue, mirroring the propping hand as she waited for more. Eventually, Sandra did look up from her bowl, the blue eyes misty, and unfocused until V helped and fixed the gaze with hers.

“Doing worse again.”

It wouldn’t have helped to tell her that that much had been obvious.

“Maybe worse than before. Haven’t really been out, except to work.”

Another brief pause, this time the blue eyes wandering away to the door and the room as they had when they’d just arrived, before returning to V’s. “The… care is really good,” Sandra said, circumspect despite the quiet of her voice, and the general indifference of the few other patrons, “but it’s not really getting me anywhere. Making me better, anyway. I would probably be worse without it, I know. And they’ve changed the medications, and schedules, and the rehabilitative work. Added some experimental therapies we’re going to try. We’re talking about trying the braindance again, too. And I know it’s okay to plateau, or regress,” she added, as though to pre-empt V.

“It _is_ ,” V said, anyway.

It earned her an attempt at a smile. A more genuine one, even if all it did was tighten the lips into a line for a brief moment. “I _know_. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Or that it’s any easier to deal with, that’s probably part of it. And it’s different. Not just this… the depression this shit is creating on top of everything else,” Sandra continued, evidently having decided to do away with excessive caution as she slowly grew in confidence as she talked, was allowed to talk. Then, another frown. “The memory erasure doesn’t seem to be working right.”

That struck hard and deep. V herself had almost wished she’d gotten the treatment after what she’d only _seen_ in the Scav haunt and on the frail, battered body she’d pulled out of the tub full of half-melted ice and carried until Van had taken her from her arms. While it might not have reached the levels of psychopathic, depraved violence the filth had inflicted on Evelyn and so many others, even others in the same vile squat they’d rescued Sandra from, _just_ the part of having been abducted to be murdered for the cyberware and organ market would have been bad enough to _know_ about and never sleep well again without any of the other things.

And that was why none of the Scavs in that place would ever come back for Sandra, or anyone else. None of their kind would.

V wished she could have better controlled her reaction to the mere thought that her friend might have any recollection of what had been done to her. She saw Sandra see it, and be reminded once again by proxy of the things that had been carefully kept from her.

“It’s okay. I still don’t _remember_ any of it,” Sandra said, quietly answering the question V hadn’t needed to ask. “No memories, no nightmares. But it’s like… somewhere deeper down there’s a mark. An imprint. Makes me feel weird about things and not know why. All kinds of things.”

“I’m so sorry, Sandra.”

Another flicker of a sad smile. “Could be a lot worse,” she said, and hesitated a moment before quickly reaching over to give V’s hand a squeeze.

V accepted the grateful gesture with a small smile, and shrugged helplessly. It could, but she wasn’t sure how much worse it could be and still leave you… functional.

“Anyway. They’re still optimistic. Should be able to get back to where I was, at least, and probably better. The new therapies seem promising,” Sandra continued, pausing for the moment it took to send a share permission to a few new documents in the TT data V could access. “Old ones, really. Got buried at some point, but they’ve been looking at them again because the progress with BDs is slower than everyone thought it would be.”

V raised a brow. Biotechnica clinical study forms, hallucinogens as controlled treatment. LSD, psilocybin, MDMA, ketamine, DMT, and a bunch of others that she didn’t know by different names from very different purposes than they seemed to be intended for here.

It was Sandra’s turn to shrug, and to stare down at her bowl and the lonesome green bits left in it. “We’ll see. Anyway, I know I’ve been shitty. I know you’re trying to help. It’s just… hard.”

“I know it is. Don’t worry about it,” V said softly before putting on an exaggeratedly confident smile, “’Sides, I’m used to bothering people till they get pissed off at me.”

“You shouldn’t be. I really do appreciate it. Appreciate this,” Sandra said, gesturing at the restaurant. She paused for a moment, again, before looking back at V, fingers of her clasped hands still kneading into one another. “I _know_ that I should be safe going places. They’re not after me, I have the TT, GPS, direct lines to you and Van, your scan kit… it’s just I only _feel_ safe now.”

V gave her a lopsided smile “It’s definitely not that I mind hanging out with you, but we should find other ways for you to feel safe, yeah?” she asked, brow quirking to accentuate the question.

Sandra pursed her lips, but nodded. “Yes, I know. And I know it’ll come in time, anyway.”

V watched the woman for a moment, the quirk of brow knit away into a focused stare. There was something in Sandra’s expression that had caught her notice, maybe a little doubt in the conviction? She flashed another reassuring smile. “Matter of fact, got something that might work. You know Lizzie’s? I’m sure it’s not exactly your scene…”

“It _is_ right across the street,” Sandra said, lightness now replacing the flash of doubt or frustration, whatever it’d been. “I don’t think I’ve ever been inside, though.”

“Really, never?” V asked, genuinely surprised — and visibly so, judging by Sandra’s budding, unoffended amusement. “Well, not your scene. And you don’t have to live there, or anything, but you _could_ just go grab some coffee there if you feel like going out, till you feel better about it.”

To say the woman seemed dubious would’ve been putting it lightly — until V remembered to spell out the crucial part. “The Mox. The Mox runs Lizzie’s. I can make sure they know you, nobody is going to mess with that unless the whole city’s gone to hell. Deeper into, anyway.”

“Oh. I see.”

“If you’d like, we can swing by there on the way back. Don’t have to stay, just quick. Or if you don’t mind staying just a bit, Judy was asking if you’d come see her too.”

The suspicion was still there, Sandra not really even concealing it much — maybe she trusted V not to mind the apprehension. But she hadn’t said no, or tried to brush it off, at least. And the mention of Judy seemed to get wheels spinning, even if still looking for purchase. “Right, her studio is down there? What’d she want me for?”

One more joke averted, with some effort. “She said you’d been talking about the therapy use of braindance.”

“Ohh… Oh, right. She wanted to know how it worked. The equipment, what was different. Dunno if I told her anything she couldn’t have read off papers,” Sandra added a little guiltily, before falling silent.

V wished dearly she could’ve helped with the obvious consternation the idea caused — probably now because of being put on the spot, too. But she waited.

“Sure. Let’s go,” she said eventually, the relief of having pushed herself to it clear not only in her voice, but the way the tightness that had crept into her expression was smoothed away. “Can’t stay very long, though, I really do need to do some thinking on the other project,” she added, leaning in a little closer as though it would keep away any prying ears.

V had just been about to signal to the cashier, eager to get going — and not only to see Judy — but she quickly yanked her hand back and leaned in closer, herself, at the subtle mention of the hacking project they had been working on. Well, mostly Sandra. “You said you might have something to update on that? Oh, wait,” V said, suddenly remembering yet another thing she’d failed to follow through on, “Shit. I’m sorry, I forgot to get back to you about the virus you asked about the other day, the one I got from the Scavs?”

“Yeah,” Sandra said with a nod that seemed a little hesitant. “That’s the thing. I’m not sure it’s the… the Scavs you got it from.”

V’s curiosity didn’t go unnoticed, but when she said nothing, Sandra continued. “I got a little stuck on the other paths I’ve been looking at, so I went back to where I got the original data — the stuff on the data shard — because if you remember, it looked like there were some links and mounts past that level,” she said, with V nodding — dead ends, Sandra had thought last time around, “But there’s something else in there that I missed the first time around. I got back in, all the way to the earlier data, and almost went deeper before I did another scan. Don’t even know why I did it. Didn’t look like there was anything there, except maybe lost, corrupted file nodes. But there’s something. Some kind of ICE, I think, but I can’t match it to anything I have signatures on, and I can’t isolate it. And it’s big. Haven’t seen anything like it, and I can’t make any sense of the binary structure. I figured it could be a viral injector, maybe, all the payload data would fatten it up but the logic would be simple enough to miss in it, especially if it’s all encrypted.“

“So the virus might actually have been a _Night Corp_ tracker, not the Scavs? Huh. And you want to see if you can match to the virus?”

Sandra nodded, obviously pleased V was following along, “Yes. If that’s what it is, then I could maybe diff the injector part. Or at least easily quarantine the virus if I can’t find a way to disable the injection. And maybe copy the injector, it’s got to be good if it got past us both.”

“Sounds like it’s worth checking out,” V agreed, happy to see the tiny signs of enthusiasm in Sandra. Maybe one day she’d get to see the woman _just_ like this. “But if that fort is looking dicey, and you can’t get a fix on the ICE, don’t push it too far. You said there probably wasn’t all _that_ much past there, right? So, don’t push it if it gets snarly,” she repeated for emphasis, and got a nod back. “If it _is_ Night ICE, we gotta take it slower. We’ll talk with BB and see what we want to do.”

Another nod, if a touch frustrated. The kind of frustrated that made V smile. Both Sandra — as cautious as she was otherwise — and BB were bold enough about hacking that it bordered on the cavalier, especially compared to V. Somehow, however, the mutual respect for each other’s skills and particular contributions to the whole had left them a pretty workable team, and if it meant that V was the voice of caution, she was okay with it. Most of the time, the other two listened.

“Anyway,” V said, returning to the origin of the tangent, “Vik said he probably has it in his clave. He doesn’t have the gear to go safely looking, but he said you can poke around if you want. His shop’s down on Urmland, so just pop by whenever. I _was_ actually thinking I’d go see him and Misty tomorrow, if you want to tag along.”

“Misty as in Misty’s Esoterica, you mean?” Sandra asked, furrowed brow putting together the name and place.

“Yeah, you been there?”

A shake of the head, a slightly apologetic smile. “No. Wanted to pop in a couple times when I’ve gone past. It smells nice!”

V grinned back. “It does. …And, honestly, might not be the worst half hour you could spend, one of Misty’s treatments. They’re almost as nice as she is, and doesn’t really matter if you’re into the whole spiritual side. Just the atmosphere, incenses, hot stones… yeah. Relaxing.”

“Maybe,” Sandra said, and this time there was a little less hesitation, maybe even a little bit of daydreaming of a moment without tension — and then a swat at V’s hand raised at the cashier again. “You are _not_ paying, c’mon.”

V laughed, but acquiesced without further protest. “Fine, fine,” she said, and started tugging on her still-wet overshirt with a grimace before giving up. She should be safe enough for the short walk.

The rain had passed when they finally made their way out, leaving in its wake nothing but slightly clearer air, and puddly wet sheen that made the whole street gleam with neon. V noticed the hesitation stepping out, and the careful scan of her surroundings, but Sandra _did_ come out. Muted. Far less animated than on the walk over. As she really was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: non-graphic/implied discussion of violence and sexual violence, human/organ trafficking, PTSD, anxiety, depression, stalking, agoraphobia, drugs, drug use.


	16. When We Go We Will Go Wild

The early night crowd was starting to trickle toward their vices much like the refuse in the slow-moving gutters, delayed maybe by the same downpour that set discarded things afloat. The lot in front of Lizzie’s was teeming with posers and boosters, small-time hustlers and big-time losers in the lottery that was Night City. The Mox made sure everybody played nice — even the various louder-than-god bōsōzoku that plagued most eligible lots around Watson killed the revs when they stopped at the corner of Sutter and Kennedy, no matter if it was the preemest carbon dreams, the most boga café racers, or the rattiest dirtbikes that their club worshipped.

Through the huddles of hang-arounds, would-be patrons trudged toward the doorway to heaven — BD junkies rich enough to get their fix up here, corpos looking for thrills just a little bit dangerous, partiers, locals, phreaks and runners, solos and execs and janitors, every age, every description. Even bangers from the bigger gangs were not unheard of, though the policy that kept their numbers small meant most didn’t bother come try their luck in case their colors were already too thick inside.

The rules didn’t end there. The actual line wasn’t too long, because Lizzie’s had earned the right to be picky. Not coming in with somebody the door already knew? Not coming in. Look like you’re gonna be trouble, no matter who you knew? Not coming in. Been trouble? Bat to the face.

V liked the place. In hindsight, it had a lot to do with the fact that Judy was here, but it wasn’t _just_ that. It’d taken a while, understandably — and a bunch of Scavs dealt with, a few virtus lost and found, a few troublesome customers dealt with when a bat to the face hadn’t been enough, a couple systems broken and hardened, and more than a few stories heard and toasted — but most of the Mox didn’t mind her around, which was much more welcome than she felt in most other places.

V felt a little change when they got across the street, and realized it was Sandra walking closer to her, almost shoulder to shoulder. She thought about the back door for a moment, but figured they’d have to start somewhere with the rehabilitation. She could let her know about the quiter way in later. “Come in an hour, two earlier, there’s nobody here. You saw. ’Sides, even these choobs are not gonna be any trouble,” she said, turning her head to the woman for long enough to see the tension lift a little. She jerked her head toward the door, encouragingly, and forged onward — with Sandra quickly in tow.

The crowd made room where it milled in the way. Not without an interested look or two at the pair of them, but those were pretty much inescapable anywhere she’d ever been, and probably even less so in Sandra’s case. There were a few acknowledgements, too, mostly from the two little circles of bikes on the lot tonight — V could hardly compete with their skill, let alone their sheer block-headed insanity, but she’d evidently acquitted herself well enough in the surprisingly frequent impromptu races along the empty streets of Northside and the far less empty ones of southern Watson that she’d earned some sliver of cred with the biker rogues too.

The bat tilting a chin up at the front of the line looked familiar on first glance, but to V’s surprise, it wasn’t Rita wielding it. V had seen the tall, veritably amazonian bouncer before, she knew that much, but it took her almost all the way past the line before she finally landed on a guess she felt good enough about to check with her scanner — a little game she played with herself, trying to actually remember names, not just faces and presences. She’d kept wanting to add a ‘g’ in there, but that wasn’t it.

“Anna,” V offered by way of greeting before flashing a smile at the more familiar face framed by a cloud of curls behind the towering woman, “Jules.”

The response from Anna was equally terse, eyes behind the opaque one-piece visor maybe flicking to the arrivals before the woman jerked her chin toward the femme at the front of the line — whose chin the bat was tilting up in turn. “V. What do you think?”

V spared the unlucky petitioner a glance; young, pretty, more well-off than not, obviously rolling. Didn’t look like the crowd that came for the BDs, but Lizzie’s seemed to have a sizeable group of patrons who liked it for other reasons, and just paid for the BDs as cover. Scan brought up nothing of note, and she was pretty sure that she’d seen a few of the others in the group before. She shrugged, turning back to Anna. “I trust your judgment.”

The Mox seemed to consider it for another moment or two, even though V suspected she’d already made up her mind long ago and was just making a point. She hummed, eventually, and let the bat fall before getting right up in the newbie’s face. “No unauthorized recording. No groping. Like somebody, you get the catalog, ask for the virtu. _No touching_. Somebody doesn’t want to talk to you, you don’t talk to them. No drugs or softs not on the list, you’re getting tested inside. Those and anything else you need, you get at the bar, not bringing in your own shit. _No_. _Touching_. Minimum’s one BD, or fifty eddies at the bar. Otherwise you’re out. Crystal?”

“Crystal.”

So was the voice. Anna did move, however, a perfunctory step backward to let the group of four through — though not without one last meaningful look at the other three. “Go on,” she said, and watched them walk toward the door before nodding for Jules to take up the next folks in line.

“Where’s Rita?” V asked when Anna turned back to them.

“Inside. We not good enough for you?”

“Nope,” V said, flashing a half-grin, hoping dearly she’d interpreted the deadpan tone right. She had, judging by the toothy response. “Gotta get my friend here on the books. Sandra,” she said, turning to look at the blonde and then back at the pair of bouncers in turn by way of introduction, “Anna and Jules.”

Jules’ greeting was welcoming, and Anna nodded, if warily, after making a show of peering around V to give the retiring but impeccably done-up, obvious corpo a good once-over — certainly not their usual clientele, for the company she kept, if nothing else. “Gotcha. You make sure V tells you the rules,” she said to Sandra before turning her attention back to V, apparently satisfied. “Go on, busy night. It’s _saturated_. Rita’s probably up with Susie.”

V nodded. “Thanks. Catch ya later,” she added cheerfully, mostly to Jules, and quite nearly took Sandra by the elbow to tug her along before catching herself — touch was still something the woman struggled with.

Settling for a sideways nod toward the door, instead, it struck her that _Sandra_ had actually gone for a spontaneous touch, earlier, to squeeze her hand.

“They seem quite serious,” Sandra said in a hushed voice when they were through the doorway into the still somewhat bright cloakroom. An appreciative, hushed voice.

V stopped just inside the cloak room, and grinned at the blonde. “You saw the Mantis, I take it? And the plating?” she asked, Sandra nodding in response. “Yeah. Got a Berserk neuro in there too, last I looked. They might not be the most disciplined fighting force, but they do not play around either.”

Her smile turned sly. “But out of those two, Jules is the one you’d really need to watch out for.”

Seeing Sandra’s eyes go wide as the woman glanced back — at the now-closed door — tickled V, but the amusement was soon forgotten when her eyes landed on a familiar pair of blue buns bobbing up and down behind the earlier newbie’s group lined up for the drug screen and checking in whatever was deemed unnecessary to take further in. “C’mon,” she said to Sandra, and set for the counter.

“Hey, sweet thing. Who’s your friend?”

V shot a smile at the pink-haired woman attending to the combined shop, testing station, and cloakroom. “I’ll intro you later, Nuwáng,” she said before grabbing the other side of the counter and pulling herself over it to almost bump her head on those two buns as Rita stood up just at the same moment.

“Thought that was you,” Rita said after regaining her balance from the last-minute dodge. “Nobody else comes here and tries to take people out before even getting in the bar.”

“Sorry,” V said cheerfully, still dangling off the floor with her elbows propped up on the counter. “Anna said you were up with Susie.”

“Well, I’m not, am I?” Rita snapped, and ducked back down to rummage some more after evidently not finding the shard in her hand to be what she needed. “Fuck, sorry,” she added from whatever locker she had her head stuck in back there.

A couple more seconds, and she rose again, and jumped over the counter with effortless grace. She seemed to notice Sandra for the first time, but after a moment’s consideration jerked her head for V to follow her through the side door into the staff area.

“Who’s this?” Rita asked when the three of them got in the dim corridor. She leaned back against the wall, arms crossed and one foot propped up to look the stranger over while she waited for an answer.

“Sandra’s a friend of ours,” V said, and opted not to clarify when it seemed that Rita correctly assumed Judy to be the other half of ‘us’. “That’s why I was looking for ya, actually. Can you get her on your list?”

The look Rita gave her was long-suffering.

Yeah, maybe some more context. “She’s had a bad run-in with the Scavs — I took care of them and any trace of her,” V explained, quick to add the clarification to make sure Rita knew there wasn’t trouble coming for them, “but she could use a place to hang out she doesn’t need to worry about them. Or anybody else bothering her,” she added, a meaningful look shot at Rita to underline the point.

That did seem to do the trick. Rita turned to look at Sandra with what seemed like genuine sympathy. “Sorry, girl. Those fuckers target nobody like they do our people. They are zero on sight anywhere on our territory, so you are not gonna see a trace of them ’round this place,” she said evenly.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even think about how much—”

Rita waved the apology off before Sandra could finish, and beckoned her closer instead. “Lemme get a facepoint of you, and I’ll put that out to everybody here.”

“’S okay,” V said when Sandra gave her an uncertain glance, hazarding a guess that the ’runner was concerned about the same thing V herself had been — and had checked out before agreeing. “It’s localnet-only.”

Sandra nodded at her first, and then Rita. “What do I do?”

“Just stand there,” Rita said with a small smile, now, eyes already aglow with blue. “There. Now, gimme a security token… thanks, that’ll do. And here’s the contact you buzz if you need help and somebody’s not already there. Got it? Good.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it, girl. Welcome to Lizzie’s,” Rita said, returning the blonde’s grateful smile before turning to V. “I need a word.”

“Uh, yeah, sure,” V said, brow raised in question, but Rita was already walking down the corridor. V gestured to Sandra that she’d be right back, and hurried to catch up with the bouncer. “What’s up?”

“Two things,” Rita said, a far sharper note in her voice than V remembered hearing. “First, Susie got a message about a call with the Claws at ten. You wouldn’t know anything about that?”

V checked her messages quick — nothing from Wakako. She frowned, and shook her head. She wasn’t entirely sure why she’d expected she’d be the first to know — but still managed to remain surprised about it. “Gotta be Clouds. I know there was supposed to be something on that tonight.”

“Coulda mentioned that, you think?”

V made a face, and gave Rita the kind of a half nod, half shake of the head that acknowledged she should’ve, and hadn’t. What the fuck had she been thinking? “Yeah, should have. I understood it was gonna be sorted agreeably, but… yeah, you’re right. Sorry.”

Rita stared at her for a few seconds, drilling home the fact that she had _still_ managed to fuck up something about the aftercare. “Guess we’ll see, won’t we? The second thing,” the woman continued, punctuating her words with a finger poking at V’s chest, _hard_ , “I helped Judy bring some of her shit over to your place yesterday. And wasn’t just a hideout at a choom’s. That shit’s been obvious weeks, didn’t take a genius to see it, but since you’re moving on that now, I’m gonna tell you exactly once that you better fucking not do that girl wrong.”

V raised her hands up in surrender. It stung, deep, that Rita didn’t trust her… but at the same time, she had to admit that there wasn’t much of a reason to. “I’m not playing. Dead fucking serious about her,” she said, that familiar aching tightness choking her voice out. “The last thing I will _ever_ do is hurt her.”

It wasn’t much, words never were. But Rita stared back at her for a couple long seconds as though something about what sounded like platitudes had gone straight through, heart to heart, the silence heavy and filled with things not said. When the woman spoke, the single word was slow and deliberate. “Okay.”

V breathed out, sharp and heavy. She glanced down, hesitating. “You don’t know how fucking happy I am you’re in her corner. She sounded pretty down about coming here yesterday.”

Rita rubbed her neck uncomfortably, her head lowered almost as though mirroring V’s discomfort. “Yeah. Not been a great scene for a while. The Clouds thing isn’t helping. _Fuck_. I gotta go,” she said with a huff. “Maybe talk to you two later?”

“Yeah.”

“K. Let me know if you find anything out about what’s coming in the call. And tell your brother to get his ass down here sometime. Just the ass is fine if he’s busy,” Rita said, the joking maybe to smooth over the intensity she’d come at V with. The last prod at V’s chest was a gentle, thoughtful double tap like an ellipsis.

Then, with a wave and an offer to chat later aimed at Sandra, the woman strode off.

Sandra might’ve been too tactful to ask what _all that_ had been about when V made her way back to her, but the concern was writ large on her face.

“Don’t worry, wasn’t about you,” V said with a grin that was a little bit lighter than she felt, but genuine enough. “Just… mama bear stuff. C’mon, let’s grab something from the bar, and go see Judy. I’ll show you around the place later.”

They’d just made it into the staircase into the basement, drinks and a bowl of snacks in hand courtesy of Mateo, when Wakako’s holo came straight through on priority.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: sex work, sex worker victimization (discussed), drug use
> 
> Just realized I didn’t have any kind of a note last time around — I did not have anything of importance, anyway, except for a now post-dated thank-you ❤
> 
> I feel like this batch of chapters might seem a little transitional, which they in some ways are. Hopefully still worthwhile.
> 
> Small request: I changed the story summary and foreword chapter a couple weeks back, because I felt like the originals were maybe too vague and meta (even for me). If you have the moment, I’d love to hear your opinion on whether the new versions give a fair idea of what to expect from the story itself, and if there’s anything you feel is either missing, or misleading. You can DM me here, or tweet/DM at me, or leave a comment if that works best.


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